Episode #6 is the first of a two part interview with Kenny Joyner. Kenny is the CEO & Founder of Boys with a Purpose, also a Professional Speaker as well as the author of Without A Father, From Fear to Faith, which I highly recommend.
Inspiring interview and conversation as Kenny shares his incredible journey from a very rough upbringing, his longing for a relationship with his father to his incredible accomplishment of peace and a full circle. Kenny’s wisdom and inspiration for fathers as well as all parents provides much needed guidance for raising children in today’s world.
I’m a huge fan of Kenny’s and after listening I’m sure you will be as well.
My hope is that everyone is blessed to cross paths with someone like Kenny at least once in their life.
By the way - his book, Without A Father, From Fear to Faith, is available on Amazon and I can not recommend it enough.
Episode #6 is the first of a two part interview with Kenny Joyner. Kenny is the CEO & Founder of Boys with a Purpose, also a Professional Speaker as well as the author of Without A Father, From Fear to Faith, which I highly recommend.
Inspiring interview and conversation as Kenny shares his incredible journey from a very rough upbringing, his longing for a relationship with his father to his incredible accomplishment of peace and a full circle. Kenny’s wisdom and inspiration for fathers as well as all parents provides much needed guidance for raising children in today’s world.
I’m a huge fan of Kenny’s and after listening I’m sure you will be as well.
My hope is that everyone is blessed to cross paths with someone like Kenny at least once in their life.
By the way - his book, Without A Father, From Fear to Faith, is available on Amazon and I can not recommend it enough.
Robert Poirier:
Hey everyone and welcome back to the Dad's Dad's podcast. Today I get the pleasure to speak with Kenny Joiner, founder of Boys With a Purpose and also an accomplished author as well as professional speaker. And he also not only got to meet but was featured on the Steve Harvey show which I can't wait to hear more about that. Kenny, welcome to the show.
Kenny Joyner:
Oh, thank you for having me, Robert. I really appreciate it, no doubt.
Robert Poirier:
Hey, did I miss anything? I mean, I feel like you've done a lot. You've got a lot going on in your life.
Kenny Joyner:
I'm not so much about the accolades as much as I am about the work that I get to do. You know, I'm just, I'm happy with the work that I do.
Robert Poirier:
Well, yeah, you should be and I tell you what, thank you again for joining dad, dad's podcast. And look, I am, I hope we can get this all in today. And I'm really looking forward to, um, talking about boys with a purpose. I mean, that's, that's originally why I, why I reached out to you and, uh, wanted to have this conversation. However, when we were talking, you told me that you were an Arthur and, uh, told me about this book and without a father from fear to faith right here. It's a book that I highly recommend. I bought it and really couldn't put it down. I mean it got me. I mean there was a lot of myself in there and kind of what we talked about. I mean you know a lot of similarities. I mean We both didn't have a father early, you know, different circumstances, but could certainly relate. And, you know, I want to go through the book, but Kenny, you lay it out there. I mean, you get real from struggle, pain, anger, frustration, resentfulness, absence of self-worth. I mean, you really do, you get real. But also you talk about Finding your purpose which I think is what a lot of men and a lot of fathers struggle with their question Especially as they get older. I know that I did but I want to start from the beginning and You know, let's go through without without a father from fear to faith Congrats on the book again wonderful book What made you want to write this book and sort of your goals with that.
Kenny Joyner:
Well, after just some time of not having my father and then becoming a father and then seeing so many young men just being lost truly, not just lost in life, but just... lost with purpose, lost with direction, you know, and I know that feeling, right, full well of this being lost, being unsure, being not confident, being, you know, doubting yourself at every turn and, you know, and so, you know, I started writing, you know, just I would journal, I've been journaling since 1992. And so I've got stacks and stacks of journals. So if I could
Robert Poirier:
Is that every day or weekly or
Kenny Joyner:
You
Robert Poirier:
what?
Kenny Joyner:
know, it's weekly, sometimes it's daily or whatever the case may be. But what happens is what I found was that if I needed to go back to 1994 September and find out what I was feeling and how what I was struggling with, what I was dealing with, I could do that. And so the more I begin to do the work of mentoring, the more I begin to do the work of really encouraging and inspiring and trying to help other people, I begin to say like, wow, like... these are some of the things that I had to deal with. And if they would just know the principle behind it, man, it could save them 10 years on their lives. So I began to put it together, probably had the idea. We finished it in 2019, probably had the idea 15 years before that, right? And just was just writing. Every time I would get a thought, I would just write, I would just write. And it all came together because again, Life comes full circle and what we don't do is this, we'll break our necks to keep the promises that we make to other people, but we won't do the same for ourselves. And so
Robert Poirier:
That's so true.
Kenny Joyner:
I just made a promise to myself that when 2019 was over, I was gonna be an author. That was it. I wasn't gonna make any more excuses. I wasn't gonna, watch this, I wasn't going to stop someone else. from being blessed, from finding their purpose, right? So many people have come to me and said, like, wow, man, I needed this book, right? But I was the only one that could write it, right? And if I don't do what I'm supposed to do, so many other people aren't helped and transformed, and their lives aren't transformed, and their kids' lives aren't transformed. So, reached a guy from Georgetown, right in D.C. who was originally from here, was at Georgetown, he was doing it, he was writing a book with a company there in Georgetown. He reached out to me because he's from Charleston, he saw our program and everything like that, and he wanted to interview me about his book. And then he said, man, I'm working with a company that could help you write your book, right? And I was just like, you know what? Put me in contact with him, let me see. Let's see what happens. And from there, man, it just took off. It really just took off. Met with an editor, met with a guy, founder of the company, and just had just a great experience with them and just the whole piece. And from putting together the cover, and I had already, again, I had already visualized in my mind what the cover should look like.
Robert Poirier:
Hmm.
Kenny Joyner:
probably 10 years prior.
Robert Poirier:
Really.
Kenny Joyner:
I'd already visualized that. And so just, you know, and New Degree Press, shout out to them, man. They did a phenomenal job with the work, the book. And so once, you know, you get momentum, right?
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
That's it. The
Robert Poirier:
You
Kenny Joyner:
writing.
Robert Poirier:
had everybody, everybody kind of pulling for you at that time and
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
like, all right, you're going to do this. You had to do it.
Kenny Joyner:
you just got to do it right. And so we just, we finished and again, we'll talk obviously more about this, but the last chapter was obviously the hardest chapter to write. But yeah, I had many chapters and my editor was saying like, how did you come up with this so fast? I was like, man, I got this in my journal, you know, back in 2016, I got this story. Back in 2007, I got this story. you know what I'm saying? And so it just was easier for me to craft it and then kind of narrow it down to where it is and was ready to go out into the world.
Robert Poirier:
You talk about journaling and I need to do that. When I was going through a divorce, I did and every day. And I remember looking back. about eight to 10 months after I had started and reading. And basically I wasn't journaling a lot. It was, cause I had to force myself, right? So it was, you know, what do I fear? What am I grateful, what am I thankful for? You know, we're pretty much the only things that I really put in there. And then, you know, if I wanted to put other stuff in there, you know, what might've happened today? And looking back and to see where I was Um, it was, it w where the, the progress that I had made, um, but then also being able just to pour it out was also very therapeutic as well.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah. Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
And, uh, man, I need, I need to get back in there. I was wondering like reading this. I'm like, how in the world? Like, how did he take notes? Like that's, it's great. How can you remember all that? I mean, I have a hard time remembering two weeks ago at times.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, you're right. You write about it. That's why I write and people see me, you know, even at conferences or whatever the case may be. I'm always writing stuff down. I cannot not write because I don't trust my memory.
Robert Poirier:
Well, it's such a real book and that makes sense. Like the way you were able to go back and these feelings, it was like, how, you know, that's what got me. Cause it, cause it really, I mean, I was sitting on the couch reading it Saturday night and I'm like, Whoa. Like I remember that. Like I remember those feelings, those fears, those thoughts, those There's something in here that you talk about, something your stepfather had told you. I don't wanna take too much away from the book and how that kept repeating over and over and over in your life. And I remember stuff like that. It kind of brought that back and it was, yeah, a great book. Yeah, I wonder if 14 year old Kenny would, if you told him, if you could go back there and say, You're going to be an Arthur.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, I know. I'm gonna tell you right now. I know I wouldn't have believed it.
Robert Poirier:
Ha ha!
Kenny Joyner:
Um, I know I wouldn't have. I've just because my
Robert Poirier:
Man,
Kenny Joyner:
mind
Robert Poirier:
shut up. I'm playing basketball.
Kenny Joyner:
right? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? This is my dream. This is what
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
I'm gonna do. You know, so yeah.
Robert Poirier:
Hey, I want to go through a few things. So definitely a lot stood out. The 20 core principles of being a father, you call them, wow, the words of wisdom. How did you come up with those?
Kenny Joyner:
My great grandmother.
Robert Poirier:
Really?
Kenny Joyner:
My great grandmother would always give me words of wisdom.
Robert Poirier:
So you just took each one and just kind of.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, and I, well, life obviously teaches you some principles. Friendship teaches you principles. Failure teaches
Robert Poirier:
Yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
you principles,
Robert Poirier:
oh yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
right? And so, but words of wisdom is something that she would always give me. And I think that generation just had, you know, she would say, you know, you get more bees with honey than you do vinegar, right?
Robert Poirier:
That's so
Kenny Joyner:
And
Robert Poirier:
true.
Kenny Joyner:
obviously at that time, I had no idea what that meant. I had no
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
idea. But everything that she talked about manifested itself in my life. And I came to a point where I did understand the meaning of that, right? That your words, your sweet words, how you present yourself to people will open more doors than the vinegar, which is a sour taste, a bitter taste that nobody wants. And that's another reason why the foul language and using words that don't identify. who you truly are is something that I don't do because words
Robert Poirier:
Good.
Kenny Joyner:
have power, right? They shape, they leave this indelible mark on your soul. So you have to make sure that the words you speak to yourself and the words you speak to others will bring life, right? And I tell people all the time, you know, I went through so much pain and so much darkness in my life because people always ask me, are you always happy? You always motivating? Are you always inspiring? I'm not always, but I 100% wake up every single morning wanting to be that person.
Robert Poirier:
Wow.
Kenny Joyner:
Because I went through so much pain and
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
so much darkness and so much struggle. I don't ever want to go back to that. And I realize now that I've got a choice.
Robert Poirier:
You had to have that in you as a child though, even though it was suppressed and you had to, um, because you went through some, some hell.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah. Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
I mean, so that, that, uh, you know, I was going to ask you like, where did that come from? I mean, you were born with that. Um, you, you certainly were to be able to, to go through all that you did and come out the other side.
Kenny Joyner:
And I think we all are not so much born with it, but I think we all have developed because pain produces something in all of us.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
And what the pain of my life produced in me was I just wanna be a better version. I just wanna be a better version of the version that I am going through all of this pain and even the pain that was inflicted on me. I just wanna be a better version of that. And so I used it as fuel to be able to say, I'm never going to be abusive to a woman. I'm never going to allow that. Even to this day, my wife always says, you know, we always do what ifs. And she says, you know, if we're out and you see another man beating on a woman, society is so crazy that I just wouldn't want you to get involved. But I told her, I said, in my being, I could not walk by
Robert Poirier:
Right,
Kenny Joyner:
that.
Robert Poirier:
right.
Kenny Joyner:
I just could not walk by that in my soul I couldn't do it, right?
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
Regardless of the harm that may come to me, but in my soul I just because I've seen it, I've experienced it so much, the trauma and the lasting trauma of it that my soul wouldn't allow me just to let it to walk by.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, and I wonder, I don't mean to get down this generation, but when you're saying that I'm thinking, I mean, I feel like that's kind of the way our generation was raised.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
I had a sister and I remember before my dad passed away, he would always say, and my sister was the best at aggravating, but he would always say, nope, don't ever raise a hand to your sister. You don't ever hit a female. You don't ever touch a female. And you know, now you look and I feel like that's, I do feel like it's taught in some households and we'll dig further into kind of the core of what's going on or what we think is, but you know, now you see these guys and they'll just pull out their phones and I'm just gonna sit there and I'm gonna videotape what's going on. I'm not gonna do a thing, but look, I wanna go into your mom.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
Your mom taught you a lot about life. You mentioned how one of the things you're most grateful for was that she never enabled you as a young man, that she instilled in you that the world, think you said, didn't owe you anything. And if you really wanted something, you had to be willing to sacrifice for it. And your mom had such a strong and powerful impact on your life, as well as, many other females that were around you.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
But despite all that, they couldn't teach you how to be a man and you struggled. Tell us more about that.
Kenny Joyner:
Well, again, I was, my mother was the oldest of seven girls and I was the first boy that came into the family. So, you know, I was really spoiled and all of my aunts took care of me and I learned something about women from every single one of them. But my mother just had this never quit, never die spirit that she instilled in all of her kids that you have to, you have the ability. You have the ability to be whatever it is you want to be. It's going to take work. It's going to be hard, but do it hard, right? You're going to go through some difficult things, but you can still accomplish these goals and these dreams. And every trip I take, every time I get an opportunity to speak, every engagement I get, my mom always calls me. And she always says, hey, where are you? You know? I say, well, mom, I'm in DC. She said, oh, you're back home. I say, yes, ma'am. And so, you know, she's just so so happy and so proud of all of her kids. Obviously, me being the oldest, but she dropped that in me early. And so that just always stuck with me because all I ever wanted to do was make her proud. I never wanted to, so here's a story where things shifted. The rule in the house was, mom, should never have to come to the school. That's the rule. If she comes to the school, I mean, it's not gonna be pretty. Well, she had to come to the school for me one time and take me out. And so just cause I was acting up again,
Robert Poirier:
Tell the
Kenny Joyner:
just...
Robert Poirier:
story. It's in the book.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, yeah. Don't tell it?
Robert Poirier:
No, tell it.
Kenny Joyner:
Oh yeah,
Robert Poirier:
Tell it.
Kenny Joyner:
okay, great. So, and then she says to me, we're in the car, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And she says to me like, What's wrong with you? Like, what are you doing? I'm doing everything I can to do what's best for you, for your brothers and your sisters, but you, you just don't seem to get it, you know? And she began to cry. And she just hits the steering wheel so hard and she starts crying. And in that moment, the flash from her crying goes back to the flash from my stepfather beating her. Right? And I'm saying like, I... am now causing the same tears that this man is causing my mother. And I'm like, I never want to see that again.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
I never want to see her do that again. So I just set out to say, I just want to make my mom proud. I just, I just, all I want to do is make her so happy, right? If I don't have enough money, if I don't have a, but if she, but if I do well, I know that's going to make her happy. And so
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
from that day, It's just been, I've just been trying to make her happy. I've just been trying to make her proud. I've just been trying to make sure that she has everything she needs. She doesn't pay any bills. She just, she has everything that she needs. She's in, you know, Charlotte. I can see her, you know, whenever I want. She's been retired for quite some time. She's got 10 grandchildren now, and she just lives a great life. And we are also appreciative to her, one that she's here to be able to see it and engage
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
in and just
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
enjoy it. So that's, she is bar none, one of the strongest women on the planet that I know, because I don't know how in the single mother that she was with four kids, how she lived through everything, the abuse and all of those things that she was dealing with. but still was able to show the love and love and concern and care for her children. She never raised her hand in a sense of an abuse,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
right? You did get it, I did get many beatings, right?
Robert Poirier:
Ha ha.
Kenny Joyner:
But one, I deserved them, but two, it
Robert Poirier:
Alright.
Kenny Joyner:
was never out of, it was discipline. That was how we discipline, got disciplined back then, whatever the case may be. And when I got older and she couldn't really whoop me, she shed those tears, right? And I saw a broken heart that I never wanted to see again.
Robert Poirier:
Wow. And you, you know, your aunts and your mom, I mean, you had the females in there that really guided you. What male figures did you have? Or was it, you did have some positive male figures in your life, but you also had some male figures in your life that showed you the path you didn't wanna go, which is what you're speaking of now with, you know, the abuse of stepfather.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, so yeah, obviously first my stepfather was just a negative influence. But, but again, looking back on that, I wouldn't be who I am had
Robert Poirier:
Yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
I
Robert Poirier:
right.
Kenny Joyner:
not gone through that, but he was one that, you know, I didn't want to, you know, be like him. I've seen a lot of folks and just come through that same path, but somebody that was a positive influence on me was my grandfather and just his strength. He was what we would call today a man's man. Right?
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
He knew who he was. He knew his role. He didn't need anything to define him. He was a hard worker. He went to work every day, regardless of how he felt and if he was, you know, sick or whatever the case may be. And he did his very best every single day. And whenever I, you know... came around, I could feel his soul just get lighter. Because, you know, one, we two males together in a house with eight women. So,
Robert Poirier:
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Kenny Joyner:
but two,
Robert Poirier:
You are a welcome blessing to him.
Kenny Joyner:
yes, yes, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? And, and just the fact that he wanted to give me again, a life that he may not have had himself, you know, he wanted me to have the very best. And he would always say that And you're gonna be great. You're gonna be great when you get older. You just gotta listen to your mom and listen to what I'm telling you. He said, but you're gonna be great. And he would always say, hey, don't let anybody put you down. Don't let anybody make you feel like you're nobody, right? I'll never forget, he took me to my first NFL game. It was like seven and he came home and he said, I got two tickets and guess who's going? You know what I'm saying? And we went to the Redskins Cowboys game, man. That was my first game ever. And what was great was he was a big Redskin fan, big Redskin fan. And back then, they had the sticks, right? And
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
with either the star on it or the
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
logo. And the guy who was, he leaned down to me. And man, I don't know something about that star. And I just picked it up, man. And I've been a cowboy fan ever since.
Robert Poirier:
Oh my gosh.
Kenny Joyner:
You know
Robert Poirier:
Oh,
Kenny Joyner:
what I'm
Robert Poirier:
I'll
Kenny Joyner:
saying? I
Robert Poirier:
let
Kenny Joyner:
know,
Robert Poirier:
that,
Kenny Joyner:
right? You
Robert Poirier:
I'll let that go. But, uh.
Kenny Joyner:
know what I'm saying? Yeah. But yeah, man, it's just, those memories to me linger so much because he just has such joy for me, right? Such unconditional love for me. And I had never received that from any male. you know, at that point in my life. So it was just, it was refreshing, right? And I missed him so much. You know, I was at college when he passed away and I just, I miss him and his spirit and just seeing his smile. And I keep a picture of him with me wherever I go. So yeah, so he was the one.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, you know, it kind of I'm just looking through notes and I'll get to it in a minute, but talking about that masculinity. you know, that I think youths, that males need, young males need, you know,
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
they learn their masculinity and they crave for that masculinity from other males.
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
You know, and you addressed that in here. Let me see, I've got, man, I'll tell you what, going through there, I made note after note after note on your book and there's no way we can go through it all. I'll get to that part in a minute, but there's a quote in your book where you say, where are our fathers? Where are the strong and courageous men that God and our society are looking for? And I, man, I ask myself that all the time. Gone are the days of traditional families which are led by strong and courageous men who placed an undying loyalty on family values. Gone are the days when children would meet their fathers at the door. Kenny, what happened? Where, where, where did we go wrong? I mean, you know, you talk about 60, 60 years ago. What's different?
Kenny Joyner:
I think the values of family structure have changed, right? And I think the values for males have changed.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
And so when you're not deemed as valuable, you become not valuable. And so you don't know your place, you don't know your position, you don't know your role, right? And so now, and society is trying to redefine that role, right, for
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
what malehood is and
Robert Poirier:
Unfortunately.
Kenny Joyner:
manhood is, unfortunately. And so we took our eyes off that. We took our eyes off the family values and the structure of what was really important. And we put our eyes on money, power, fame, success. which is why some fathers who are in the home are really not in the home,
Robert Poirier:
And yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
right? And so when that shift happened, it just created a different dynamic of family. So we're not checking in. When I just came off the road from Chicago and DC for the last seven days, and I got such a great welcome from my wife and my daughter. And what was great was I was looking forward to that.
Robert Poirier:
Mm-hmm.
Kenny Joyner:
I was looking forward. It was
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
great to be in Chicago. It was great to be in DC and be with people who I was meeting for the first time and everything like that. And they were really inspired, but it felt so good to come home and see smiling faces that really
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
appreciated me, that loved me, that I didn't have to, I didn't have to prod or... or motivate them to say, man, we are so glad that you're home. Right? Come, let's sit down and watch a show. Let's cook dinner together. Me and my wife ate dinner last night and different things, man. So I think just gone are those days where the family is valuable. And if we keep changing the structure of family based on what we want and what feels good, then we're going to get a different kind of world. in the future and we're going to get some of what we see today, right?
Robert Poirier:
We're already getting it and I think taking God away,
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
was such a big part of growing up. And now it's just not. I mean, it wasn't even, I won't even say growing up, it was the cool thing. It was just, your spirituality, it's what you had. It was just the norm.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes. Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
And now it's not. And you see how I feel like it's the lack thereof, the absence of it is, is eroding society and eroding the family, the family, the family unit, the traditional family unit with that. You know, you quoted in your book, one of my favorite quotes by Frederick Douglas. Gosh, I think this is so strong. It's easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. I'm gonna say that again. It's easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. Off topic, I was watching an interview by, it was kind of same topic, but I was watching an interview by Denzel Washington, who I love. I mean, I think he is so wise. And every time I hear him speak, I'm like, man, why won't you just run for president? You
Kenny Joyner:
Right,
Robert Poirier:
know,
Kenny Joyner:
right.
Robert Poirier:
like we need leaders like him. And he was being interviewed and he said, it starts in the house. It's more important to make headway in the house. By the time the system comes into play, the damage is already done. And then he questioned, do you blame the system? Where was the father?
Kenny Joyner:
There
Robert Poirier:
Where
Kenny Joyner:
you go.
Robert Poirier:
was the father's father? Where was the uncle? Dude, how true.
Kenny Joyner:
1000%, 1000%. And I just think that we, the more that baton gets dropped between generation and generation and generation, the wider the gap becomes and the greater the struggles become. This is simple
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
as that, you know, and so I've just tried to make sure that as I've encountered young people, girls and boys, but especially our young men who don't have their father like present 100% in their lives vested. The gap right gets filled up with so many problems so many and and and then you're you're you're still developing you're still learning. you're still maturing, but you've got to get on the fast track because you need knowledge every day in the moment on how to be a man and you don't have it. So you end up crashing and burning, you end up making wrong choices, you end up making life-changing choices that you don't even understand yourself, right? And so it's just... It's just a difficult process. And like I said, that's one of the reasons I wrote the book, because I want to give kids an opportunity to see that, hey, what you're dealing with is not necessarily unique, and there's a way out.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, yeah, no, that's great. Um, you know, you also wrote, we will innately give our allegiance to people who willingly, and I'm sorry to keep quoting your book,
Kenny Joyner:
No, I
Robert Poirier:
but
Kenny Joyner:
need it.
Robert Poirier:
again,
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
uh,
Kenny Joyner:
I need it.
Robert Poirier:
I could sit here and read it out loud. Um, uh,
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, I need it. No, I need it.
Robert Poirier:
we will innately give our allegiance to people who willingly align themselves with us. Uh, this is why youth join gangs. Um, I agree. You know, and also I think Jordan Peterson, I was watching or reading something with him and he said that men joined the gangs because they're looking for a source of masculinity when that masculinity is absent. Thoughts on that? I mean,
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
it's.
Kenny Joyner:
I agree. I totally agree. I totally agree because again, your soul as a man is going to align with other men good or bad,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
good or bad. And so that is what we are seeing in that our young men want an allegiance with what they deem as strong powerful men, regardless
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
of what they're doing. They deem this is a real man. And so the solar lines. And once the heart and the mind agree on something, that's it. We're going in that direction. We just, we can't stop, right? We can't stop. We talk about kids, especially coming out of Compton and the gang culture there, which is really birth the gang culture nationwide, but they call them day one, right? If you're at day one, it means that from the time you are first born... you're going to be in a gang because your father's father's father's father was in the gang. So you're day one, right? And that's where that term comes from. And so understanding
Robert Poirier:
No way out. No
Kenny Joyner:
this
Robert Poirier:
way out,
Kenny Joyner:
well,
Robert Poirier:
basically.
Kenny Joyner:
there's no
Robert Poirier:
Jeez.
Kenny Joyner:
way out. Right? There's no way out. So you just and that's what and that's where we're missing our young. We're missing that, you know, and a lot of people don't know that. So I'm just trying, like I said, man, I'm just trying to save as many young men's lives as I possibly can while I'm here, while I've got the time, the energy, the resources and the knowledge to be able to do it. Because I believe that if we change that narrative, we change the world.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, and you're doing a phenomenal job with that and not only with Boys with a Purpose, but also through this book. And going back to Denzel's question, where was the father? Where was the father's father? Where was the uncle? It's all of us. And I think at times we can get too caught up in our own household.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
and not look for other opportunities. I know as a boy, just, I still remember some of my friends' fathers who kind of included me or took me in and that knew that, you know, he doesn't have a strong male role model in his life. I mean, I still remember those. And And for those that are listening, when you have that opportunity, do it. I mean, take him in whether he's got a male role model in the house or maybe he's not the best, maybe he's absent from traveling from work or whatever it may be. And I can only speak from a male's point of view.
Kenny Joyner:
Right.
Robert Poirier:
But man, I know these young men, they need it. And I know, or I would imagine, The females do as well. The young ladies do as well because we've seen what happens when the females don't have a strong role model in their life, the unfortunate paths that they go down a lot of times and what they're more susceptible to with that.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah. And that's a reality that I see, especially when I was in the classroom, right? You see that need and then you see that you see the cry for help.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
You see the cry for help and our young ladies need it and you still see it today, right? You see the insecurity. You see the promiscuity. You
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
see... just the not feeling like you're good enough, right? And just trying to please in any way that you can, a male because you long for that. from your father. I have a daughter, so I totally understand those things. She's older now but she went through her teenage years and she went through a lot of seasons. When I was out, I was traveling.
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
My daughter just longs for my time. I would say to every father that's listening, your children need you. emotionally as much as they need you financially, protection, and all of those other things that we were taught when we were younger. But they need you now, especially in the world that they live in now, they need you emotionally more. If you're not pouring into the emotional bank account of your children, there's a deficit and you won't be able to withdraw
Robert Poirier:
Yep.
Kenny Joyner:
when it's tough.
Robert Poirier:
No, that's good. That's really good. You know, and what I love also about your book is you kind of give some charges to men. You know, you have one in here and kind of merged too, but I believe we've lost the human connection with our children and left them with no foundation for the future. If more men don't serve as role models, going back to our other point, and be present for their children. the next three generations will be lost. Men, the time to lead, time is now to stand and lead. The call is for every man to stand and help equip our youth with a complete understanding of who they are and what they can become. This will give them the power to resist the temptation to throw their lives away. That, how do you come up with this stuff, man? I mean.
Kenny Joyner:
But again, as you said, it's the emotion, man. It's really
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
the emotion. And I wrote that book. Every chapter is a chapter of emotion. And
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
then when I was writing it, there were times when I would have to pause in the middle of it because of the emotion. You know?
Robert Poirier:
Oh, I can't imagine. I'm sure.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
I'm sure.
Kenny Joyner:
But that's
Robert Poirier:
You
Kenny Joyner:
the
Robert Poirier:
know,
Kenny Joyner:
way
Robert Poirier:
you
Kenny Joyner:
I was.
Robert Poirier:
wrote page 80 is probably my favorite and it starts off with Dr. King referencing a street sweeper.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
And you know, and you have one of your wows in there. It's number six, let life teach you. I'm just telling everybody out there, get the book, go to page 80.
Kenny Joyner:
I'm sorry.
Robert Poirier:
At first you'll understand I took a picture of the page and sent
Kenny Joyner:
Right.
Robert Poirier:
it to my voice And I said look I wish I was wise enough to write this To to be able to put this together write it and give it to you, but I'm not But I do know how to take a picture and text
Kenny Joyner:
There
Robert Poirier:
it
Kenny Joyner:
you
Robert Poirier:
to
Kenny Joyner:
go!
Robert Poirier:
you
Kenny Joyner:
That's you go! That's all the good, that's
Robert Poirier:
man,
Kenny Joyner:
all we need.
Robert Poirier:
I mean it's it's Just I'm thoroughly amazed look Yeah, and you kind of touched on a minute ago when you were talking about putting down the phones and being there. I mean, you say, we, uh, men, we need to put away our phones, cut the TV off, unplug the video games and engage with the presence for our children.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, major, major piece. And again, you speak from experience. Sports center runs every hour on the hour, the same thing, the same thing. So if you, if you got to watch it, record it or watch it one time, because you can come back at 10 or five and see the same thing you saw at nine or five. And you want to be on rotation like that with your children. You want to be on rotation with them emotionally with them because here's what I know. When you have all that emotion inside of you as a child and you don't have a place to release it, that you feel comfortable and safe, then the first person, right? It's almost like a damn building up, right? The first thing that pierces that thing, everything comes out. And the first person that shows interest in your child, All the girl dads out there, right, or sons, that's the person they're going to release to and that person may or may not be safe. That person may or may not be able to handle them emotionally, right? But they show interest. They're there. They're consistent. I tell fathers this all the time. If this is you and this is your child's best friend. If you as the parent, right? You want to be here, but if you as the parent ever fall below your child's grace and now the best friend is their most important person, now you got an 18 year old leading your child. You never want that.
Robert Poirier:
Or social media,
Kenny Joyner:
or social media,
Robert Poirier:
which
Kenny Joyner:
right?
Robert Poirier:
is even worse now. You know, you're saying that and I'm thinking, yeah, now unfortunately those best friends are replaced by social media. So they're doing it for likes. They're doing it, you know, they're on TikTok. They're doing all these things and man, that's, look, social media has its place. But I mean, I'm on there, not TikTok. But yeah, you see so many of them. And it's so true. Now you're adding in an even more harmful element.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, it really is. And here's what I tell my daughter. I'm glad that they didn't have social media when we were coming along. Right,
Robert Poirier:
for a few reasons, right?
Kenny Joyner:
for a few reasons, right? Yeah, you know, so,
Robert Poirier:
Our
Kenny Joyner:
but,
Robert Poirier:
camera phones.
Kenny Joyner:
right, or camera for me, okay? So I just, but the lure of it is
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
so powerful for these young people and for adults as well, that we have to understand it, we've gotta deal with it, we gotta make sure that we're tapping into it. And so when I want to know something that this generation is thinking or feeling or understanding, I go to my daughter, I go to my children,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
I go to my nieces and nephews who are right in that age range and they'll tell me, hey, this is why we're on TikTok. This is why we left Facebook and then we went to Instagram and then we left Instagram and now we're on TikTok. This is why, you know, and so... And what I love about this generation, I just came from the leadership, trouble-blazing leadership conference with the National Association of Secondary Principals, and they had the National Honor Society students there. And the students said, we need more services with mental health.
Robert Poirier:
The student
Kenny Joyner:
We want
Robert Poirier:
said that.
Kenny Joyner:
students said that that was
Robert Poirier:
Oh,
Kenny Joyner:
so
Robert Poirier:
that's...
Kenny Joyner:
powerful. Now watch this. These were the top 22 students in the nation. I mean, they're going to MIT, they're going to Yale, right? And they said, we need help with mental health. So you can only imagine now kids who are not at that level,
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
what are they dealing
Robert Poirier:
Wow.
Kenny Joyner:
with? What are they dealing with, right? And so, Because when we were coming through, mental health and going to see any kind of counselor, that, I was unheard of. I was
Robert Poirier:
Not
Kenny Joyner:
unheard
Robert Poirier:
well,
Kenny Joyner:
of.
Robert Poirier:
one, they weren't really around that much.
Kenny Joyner:
Right. Right.
Robert Poirier:
And two, no, you dealt with it at home and quite frankly, though, I mean, I'm not saying we didn't need it then. I think, you know, definitely did, but I think it's more prevalent now the need
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
for it.
Kenny Joyner:
yeah, the need for it is definitely way high.
Robert Poirier:
And my God, the pandemic and being at home certainly didn't help things.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, you right.
Robert Poirier:
Um, you know, with, with, with them out of school and all of that, um, you know, I want to get to the last chapter in a minute or kind of let you, however you want to lead into that, but, or talk about it, um, but, um, a couple of the points, uh, you've said that you believe that fatherlessness. is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It's castrating families at an unprecedented rate. I think we've touched on that pretty well, but nail on the head right there, man, you pounded it. You hit it. And I could not agree more.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
These role models, not having them, not having a father in the home.
Kenny Joyner:
It is bar none the number one issue, I think. And I think because again, as we change the family dynamics of what a family is and we change the role structure of what a man is. we're gonna, unfortunately, we're gonna see more of that. We're gonna see more of that. And so for those fathers who are able to, even if there's a father who let's say, you and the young lady, it didn't work out, right? Still be in your child's life. Do as much as you possibly can to make peace with that young lady, but be there. for your children. I'm telling you because what happens is your children will face a situation where they will be drowning. You will have the power to save them, but your absence, your absence will let them drown. They will wallow
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
in their problems. They will wallow in self-defeat. They will wallow in uncertainty. They will wallow in low self-esteem, and that will break them. It breaks any spirit. It breaks the spirit of adults. So you can only imagine having to deal with those things as a child, it's gonna break the spirit. And when the spirit is broken, all bets are off. Kids are gonna indulge in anything.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, that's such a great point. You know, and the dads, where it's challenging for them to be in the lives too.
Kenny Joyner:
It is, it really
Robert Poirier:
I know, you
Kenny Joyner:
is,
Robert Poirier:
know,
Kenny Joyner:
I
Robert Poirier:
I've
Kenny Joyner:
know
Robert Poirier:
talked
Kenny Joyner:
it.
Robert Poirier:
to a lot of guys who have tried and tried and tried, and they basically just give up.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
They're like, you know, what's it worth? You know, not what's it worth, but you know, it's, this is such a, you know, such a... huge hill or mountain for me to climb and Whether it's the courts not allowing it not recognizing it You know are the moms to and look a word out to the moms or those that know moms that might You know not be allowing let them be involved. Let the father be involved in the life of the child of their child I mean let them No matter how much you hate the baby's dad they need to be involved. They let them have a place. You don't have to see the dad, but as long as they're not harmful, let them have their place with the dad. And because children, boys, girls, they need a father figure and they need their father figure. And I think more times than not, the dads wanna be involved.
Kenny Joyner:
I agree.
Robert Poirier:
I think it is a... very, very small percentage of males who do not want to be involved in the lives of the children. They might've been pushed out and they might've really been forced away and almost, you know, waving the white flag, like, all right, I just give up.
Kenny Joyner:
Right.
Robert Poirier:
But inside of them, they want to be.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
They want to be involved.
Kenny Joyner:
I agree
Robert Poirier:
They do. Hey,
Kenny Joyner:
100%.
Robert Poirier:
two more things I want to talk about.
Kenny Joyner:
Take your time. Take your time.
Robert Poirier:
I want to talk first, the moment your daughter was born. And this got me because I remember a little bit different circumstance, but I remember doing the same thing. And when your moment, the moment your daughter was born and you really leaned on God, begging him. Talk through that. Tell me more.
Kenny Joyner:
Well, you understand that when you try to navigate in this world without God, you're going to reach a place where you're going to come to your end. The end of your ability, the end of your thinking, the end of your resources, the end of your understanding. You're going to come to that. And I knew with her in my arms that I was not prepared to be a father. I did not have the wherewithal, the understanding, because I had been chasing after my father, right? Trying
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
to get a relationship with him. So if you're chasing after something, you don't have it. Right? So now I have in my arms someone who now needs a father. And, you know, it just... A buddy of mine who I just saw on Monday was starting a Bible study on the campus where I was going to college. And here's what he said to me and me and another guy. He said, I'm getting ready to start this Bible study. He said, but if you guys don't come with me, really turn and commit your lives. He said, we're not gonna be able to be friends anymore. He said, because my life is going in a different direction. He knew at a young age, and I was just looking at him like, who is this guy? We just met him, you know what I'm saying? What is he? And here's what he said that night, I'll never forget. He said, I got a dream where all of us are gonna be married. All of our kids are gonna be with one another and we're gonna be hanging around and we're gonna be watching our kids grow up together. And the three of us met Monday for his birthday. He's a pastor now.
Robert Poirier:
Oh well.
Kenny Joyner:
And just laughed about that time, you know? And in that moment when I held my daughter, those two guys were in my corner. They were in my corner saying, man, you can do this. You know, we're gonna be there. You need diapers, you need whatever. You know what I'm saying? They came to the hospital. And so it just was, you know, and so, but I cried out to God to say, listen, like, I don't have it. I don't have the knowledge of this. You're the greatest father that I've ever heard of. And I didn't have a great relationship with God. Let me just say that. I did not have a great relationship with God at this time. But he doesn't really care about the longevity of it. He cares about the earnest prayer. He cares about the earnest heart of those who are seeking him. And so I've never felt that way. I never, I just from the depths of my soul knew I couldn't do it by myself. And I was asking God to help this sinner. you know, this wayward person who had done so many just crazy things with his life to come and help this young child, help me to be the kind of father that I really truly wanted to be, but didn't know how to be. And he has just gone above and beyond in his faithfulness and his grace for me to be that kind of person for my daughter.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, I was about to say brother he he he heard you and you also listened.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah,
Robert Poirier:
You know,
Kenny Joyner:
yeah, yeah,
Robert Poirier:
you
Kenny Joyner:
and
Robert Poirier:
did
Kenny Joyner:
that's the key.
Robert Poirier:
you
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, that's
Robert Poirier:
did.
Kenny Joyner:
the key. That's
Robert Poirier:
That is the key that you
Kenny Joyner:
the
Robert Poirier:
also
Kenny Joyner:
key.
Robert Poirier:
listen to you heard you. He guided and you listened and well, look also you give always asked for advice for fathers and
Kenny Joyner:
Mm-hmm.
Robert Poirier:
towards the end of the book. you give advice for fathers and be involved, listen, and focus on the positive. Do you mind kind of diving in a little bit more on this?
Kenny Joyner:
Not at all, not at all. Whatever it is your child is interested in, be involved, right? We are not there to say, you should get involved in this and you should get involved in that, right? It's not my job to tell my daughter what she should be. My job is to create a path for her to understand like my mother did, that you can be whatever you desire, right? I'm
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
along here and I'm gonna walk with you on this journey. until it's time to let you go, right? Until it's time to let you go. Like the footprints in the sand, right? God's
Robert Poirier:
Yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
carrying us,
Robert Poirier:
yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
right? And we
Robert Poirier:
I
Kenny Joyner:
just
Robert Poirier:
love
Kenny Joyner:
think,
Robert Poirier:
that.
Kenny Joyner:
yeah. So that's the first thing, be there, be present, be seen. I don't care if you gotta show up every weekend, be consistent,
Robert Poirier:
Yep,
Kenny Joyner:
right? Be
Robert Poirier:
good.
Kenny Joyner:
consistent. The next thing was just make sure that You see your child in all of their glory, right? And then point out those positive things. People always say to me, you should have been a coach. And one of the reasons I didn't push my daughter to sports or just coach was because I'm so competitive.
Robert Poirier:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Kenny Joyner:
Really, I am so competitive that I felt like I could have... I could have
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
crushed her spirit, right? And I've seen some coaches do that.
Robert Poirier:
Oh yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
But as a parent and a father, what you want to do is you want to cultivate. That's what the fathers do. We cultivate the spirit and the journey for our children. So you want to accentuate the positives in their lives and the things that they are doing because when they step out in this world, everybody's gonna tell them what they're doing wrong.
Robert Poirier:
Right. It's
Kenny Joyner:
Everybody gonna say you're not good
Robert Poirier:
true.
Kenny Joyner:
enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not smart enough, you're not tough enough, you don't have leadership skills. Everybody's gonna say what you're not because they want you to fit inside. But only the father knows what the child's capability is because he came from, he came from you, or she came
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
from you, right? And that's the key. When a man and a woman get together, everybody knows it. It's the father's genes that determine the sex of the child. So you are, and if you're missing and you're not there to encourage and you're not there to cultivate, you're not there to love in the times that there's nobody. Father's love changes moods. It changes the atmosphere
Robert Poirier:
Oh, it's true.
Kenny Joyner:
of a place, right? And so... If that is devoid and out of the picture, then man, you kind of left to listen to, you know, other people who may be male, but who may not have the best interest and understanding of the person that they have in front of them. And only the father knows that, you know? So, yeah.
Robert Poirier:
So, so good.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah, so everyone you heard it here, advice, be involved, listen and focus on the positive. And I think listening is what... I've really been striving lately to work on over the last few months here. Because I think we a lot of times want to solve everything or we already
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
know, right?
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
We think we
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
already know. And even if we do already know, we still sometimes just need to shut up and listen to them and let them talk about it
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
and listen to what's going on.
Kenny Joyner:
And that's a big piece you said because there's listening to respond and then there's listening to understand, you know.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
And I think because
Robert Poirier:
great
Kenny Joyner:
we
Robert Poirier:
point.
Kenny Joyner:
are, every man has a heart and because we are, we have a heart to fix things, we want to listen and then we want to fix, right? And again, my daughter, she said to me, she's like, Dad, sometimes I just want you to listen. I don't want you to fix it.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
I just need your ear that I'm comfortable with, that I respect, that I love, that I appreciate, right? I need that ear to just listen to me. Everybody can listen, but when a father listens, it's like none other, because souls are
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
connected during that time. So yeah, so that's a big piece, man. You know, when... you can listen and again, the heart, I'll give you a quick one. My daughter, I told you she turned 27 this year. In February I asked her, I said, tell me three things I did well as your father and tell me three things I could have done better.
Robert Poirier:
Oh, you opened up a can there. You had to
Kenny Joyner:
There
Robert Poirier:
be ready
Kenny Joyner:
it
Robert Poirier:
for that.
Kenny Joyner:
is. You gotta be ready for that. So now watch it. So she wrote me this five page letter, I keep it with me. And in fact, let me see. It's right here. keep it with me, right? Wherever I go. And matter of fact, I keep it in my journal, right?
Robert Poirier:
I re- uh, yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, so then she said to me, she said, dad, here's what I want you to do. I want you to write me three things you think you did well. And then I want you to write me three things you think you could have done better. When you give me that, then you can read the rest of my letter.
Robert Poirier:
Wow.
Kenny Joyner:
It was, oh my God, it was brilliant. It was brilliant. And that, because here's what happened. We as fathers think that we have it. We think we see it. We think we understand it. And with all the other things that we're doing in our lives. But it's like what I tell fathers is like this. When you go in for that eye exam and they put you in that machine and they click and they say, how's that? How's that? Right? and your vision changes, right? And you're like, no left. And you're like, no, no, give me that. And that's what happens in relationships if you don't really listen to your kids and see them. You think you have
Robert Poirier:
That's so
Kenny Joyner:
a
Robert Poirier:
true.
Kenny Joyner:
vision of what the relationship is all about, what your child is doing. That's why parents are so shocked when their children get involved in some crazy things because they're like, man, I got this vision,
Robert Poirier:
Right, right.
Kenny Joyner:
right? I got this vision of my child and I know they wouldn't do that. No, you think, but you haven't what? checked in. And when I checked in with my daughter, here's what I found. 80% of what I thought was, was, was great, but it was the 20% that I was missing. And she said to me, she said that I need you to check in more now, especially because I'm on the road more emotionally. And that's a gene that most men very rarely tap into. We don't tap
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
into this emotional side because we were taught. You don't cry. You pick yourself
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
up. You do what you need to do. But here's where this generation needs us. They need us emotionally. And I would say to every father, here's what I need. Make a declaration within yourself. Declare that you are going to be the best father that you can possibly be. And then follow that up with actionable steps to be able to see your own progress. Right? When you're trying to lose weight, there's the beginning, right? There's the middle, right? And
Robert Poirier:
Right?
Kenny Joyner:
there's the end before you get to your goal, right? And we will measure that all day long. We'll write down our chart, what we'd lift in and all that other stuff, right? We do all of that. But we
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
won't do that same process with our kids. when it comes to the emotional piece. Tapping into my emotion
Robert Poirier:
That's just so true.
Kenny Joyner:
and my vulnerability has been the two greatest things for my 27 year marriage and my relationship with my daughter. Being vulnerable, transparent and emotional has changed the game for me as a husband and a father, I'm telling you right now. And it wasn't taught. You just not talk to
Robert Poirier:
No.
Kenny Joyner:
us, right? So you have to be willing to do these things because this is a speech that I give sometimes and I tell people when I turn 40, my stomach begin to outrun my chest.
Robert Poirier:
Isn't that so damn true?
Kenny Joyner:
Right, right? And I felt like, man, it was nothing I could do. But then I was like, okay, I got a plan. I know how to get back in shape, right?
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
And here's where we miss it. What got you there won't get you back there. You've got to do more.
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
You know it, right? You got
Robert Poirier:
Oh,
Kenny Joyner:
to do
Robert Poirier:
it's
Kenny Joyner:
more,
Robert Poirier:
the truth,
Kenny Joyner:
right?
Robert Poirier:
yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
So same thing in relationships. What got you there won't keep you there. You got to do more as a father. It's a never ending job. You got to do more as a husband. It's a never ending job. You don't get to a point where you're like, whew. Man,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
I've got it now. I've got this thing called marriage down, man. I've got, no, you don't. You don't get to a point where you're like, manhood. Man, I'm so glad I got here. No, uh-uh, after that degree, there's another degree and there's another degree. You know,
Robert Poirier:
It's true. It's true.
Kenny Joyner:
so,
Robert Poirier:
Kenny, you love being a dad, don't you?
Kenny Joyner:
man, absolutely, man. This is the best, let me say this. It's the best on the job training that any person could ever ask for because
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
it's unplanned, it's unscripted. You have to be vulnerable and you have to be willing to go back to being free, man, and just because kids are just free. They wanna try everything. They wanna, you know, they have that, they're not fearful, right?
Robert Poirier:
Right,
Kenny Joyner:
What
Robert Poirier:
right.
Kenny Joyner:
life teaches us, it teaches us to fear, but kids are like, man, hey, let's go do that. Hey, let's go try that. Hey, I wanna learn how to fly a plane. Did you learn how to fly a plane when you were young? No, I didn't. Well, come on, I wanna do that. They just
Robert Poirier:
Yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
want to go.
Robert Poirier:
yeah,
Kenny Joyner:
You have
Robert Poirier:
it's true.
Kenny Joyner:
to be willing to come out of your comfort zone to be able to grow. You know, we never grow in good times. We only grow when we stretch,
Robert Poirier:
No,
Kenny Joyner:
right?
Robert Poirier:
it's true. Uh, that's very true. It's very
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
true. Hey, I want to be respectful of your time and, and, um, can you come back for a part two for boys
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
for the purpose?
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
Um, uh, cause I, I, so again, that's why I originally reached out and, um, I want to have you back on there and we'll do a part two to this, but before we get off the book, your relationship with your dad, your biological dad. You know, you don't have to give everything away in the book, but kind of give me a, kind of give us an overview of your relationship with, you know, I think we know now that it was lacking in the beginning. He was not there. But
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
kind of, kind of tell a little bit more.
Kenny Joyner:
Well, he definitely was lacking. We didn't really have that relationship all the way up through, I would say my early to mid 30s. And I longed for it, right? But what I did was when I got to 30 is I just suppressed it. I just put it away and I was just went after everything. And I was... just trying to work as hard as I can to prove to myself, but really to prove to him that I was valuable enough for him to be able to come see me, to be able to go and be there for me, right? And so all of my accomplishments that, which were great, when I wrote the book and I had to interview my dad, he called me. when he got his copy. And he said, I'm proud of you.
Robert Poirier:
Wow.
Kenny Joyner:
And that meant more to me than all of the hell that I had gone through 10 years prior or whatever the case may be. As I said, a father's love,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
it will break down walls. It will transcend time and all we want. is to hear that. That's all we want, is that I see you, I'm proud of you, right? Because what that says is it validates. It validates,
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
right? And if you don't have a male figure in your life that's your father, and you're never validated by your father, but you're validated by other men, it's a waste. It's a waste.
Robert Poirier:
That's true. That's so true.
Kenny Joyner:
So.
Robert Poirier:
And just, you know, you kind of touched on it, but it does come, which you've already stated. I mean, you do have a relationship with your father. So it, it does come, I don't want to say to a conclusion, but circles back around and man, you know, your dad reading the circles back around to, to a positive and you know, your dad reading that book, I would imagine it was hard. It was probably very gut wrenching, but you know, As a dad, he had to be so proud of you too. I mean, I know he told you that, but you know that came from his heart. I mean, he really was.
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Robert Poirier:
And the person you've become too, Kenny, you know?
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah, I think when I see him now and he sees it.
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
He sees the person that I've become. He sees Boys With A Purpose. He saw the Steve Harvey piece. and just all the things that we've been able to kind of accomplish throughout. And so he sees it, and he's
Robert Poirier:
Yeah.
Kenny Joyner:
truly proud, man. And again, we've got a great relationship to this day. And I just encourage, I always encourage people, if the circle. Right? You know, if you got an Apple Watch, which my daughter just got me this Apple Watch, what happens is you take your steps and everything. Everybody wants to close their circles. And if you
Robert Poirier:
Right.
Kenny Joyner:
close your circles, right, then you, right, and life is that way. Relationships are that way. When my great grandmother passed, all of her circles were closed. She solidified everything. Everybody knew who she was. They knew how she felt. They knew what was important to her. There was no brokenness. There was no, I wonder if she loved me or I wonder. All of her circles were closed. And I would encourage every single person, especially our fathers, close the circles for your kids, man. Don't leave it undone. Don't leave it unsaid. Don't leave it unfinished, right? Because if you do, gone they live with the regret.
Robert Poirier:
Wow, that's beautiful. Somebody told me the other day, the other night we were talking and they were talking about, if your father or your parents could have walked in your room at a young age, go back to your bedroom. They could walk in that person that's not there and tell you anything, what would it be? and what would you most like really long to hear from them? And, you know, my dad died suddenly. So I felt like that circle wasn't completely closed.
Kenny Joyner:
I don't know.
Robert Poirier:
But I love the way you said that. I love that. And we do need to make sure. All right. So you're agreeing to come back for part two?
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely. 100%. We can actually do that on Friday if you if you got time on Friday morning. Okay.
Robert Poirier:
All right, well, let me look at it and we'll probably do that Look, I so people can find you. I'll say this without a father from fear to faith Kenny joiner Kenneth joiners on it says on there. I got mine on Amazon. I'm sure just Google it You can find it. There's copies out there Phenomenal job. They can also find you on your Instagram. It's Change, let's see, change underscore maker one, correct?
Kenny Joyner:
Correct.
Robert Poirier:
Find you there. Anything else besides boys with a purpose you wanna promote?
Kenny Joyner:
Um, you know, I'm on TikTok as well. You know, I am on TikTok change underscore maker 21. Um, you know, we're working on a new book now. Um,
Robert Poirier:
I
Kenny Joyner:
and
Robert Poirier:
was going to ask you about that. You took that away. Good.
Kenny Joyner:
yeah, yeah. So working on a new
Robert Poirier:
Can you give us a little bit what that's going to be about?
Kenny Joyner:
book, uh, how to become the best version of yourself.
Robert Poirier:
Wow.
Kenny Joyner:
Yeah. Yeah. And so that's really, um, we're putting together stories now. Um, every event that I get an opportunity to speak at, I'm using those events to write a chapter of the book. Even when I go speak to kids, because everybody wants to be the best version of themselves, but most of us need that blueprint, right, on how to get there. And I just want to provide that for kids to let them know that... You know, you already really have it, right? You just,
Robert Poirier:
there.
Kenny Joyner:
yeah, you just gotta bring it out.
Robert Poirier:
It's there. It's a you've got to discover it and bring it out. And it kind of goes back to your purpose too, right?
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
It really does. Look, Kenny, I can't thank you enough for joining us. And you know, I really appreciate your time. I'm looking forward to part two, talking about boys with a purpose and also talking about Steve Harvey.
Kenny Joyner:
Yes.
Robert Poirier:
Look, and I know we haven't known each other for long. But I certainly hope our friendship grows and really I could not be more impressed with you as a man, as a father, as a person and look up to you for all that you're doing. I mean, I certainly do. And eventually I'm going to get me an autographed copy of your book as well.
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
Because.
Kenny Joyner:
100%. 100%. I'll be...
Robert Poirier:
Hopefully we can meet sometime and I'm
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
gonna get an autographed copy of that.
Kenny Joyner:
Absolutely.
Robert Poirier:
But look, hey, I wanna thank everybody for listening to Dad Dad's podcast. Be sure to tune in also for part two. You can also find us on Spotify or Apple Podcast as well as on YouTube and Instagram. And guys, don't forget to hit the like and subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes and we will see you next time. Thanks so much everyone.