The Profound Impact a Father has on the Life of his Child - MyRon Edmonds

Dr. MyRon Edmonds and Robert discuss the challenges and rewards of fatherhood. Dr. Edmonds shares his personal experience with father wounds and the impact it had on his relationship with his own father and his journey as a father. They emphasize the importance of leading with authenticity and vulnerability, and the need for fathers to model the behavior they expect from their children. They also discuss the significance of being present in the lives of their children and the power of relationships in shaping their development. The conversation explores the importance of fathers and the impact they have on their children's lives. It highlights the challenges faced by fathers in being present and engaged with their families. The societal attack on the role of fathers is discussed, along with the need for fathers to be mentors to other men. The conversation also touches on the divisiveness in society and the importance of unity in recognizing the importance of fatherhood. The power of fathers in shaping their children's identity and the crisis of identity in society are explored. The conversation concludes with a discussion about the Dr. MyRon Edmonds' new book 'Men's Breakthrough Devotional' and the 'Winning Circle' men's community.

Key Takeaways

• Fatherhood is a journey of self-mastery and personal growth.
• Children learn more about life through observation of their fathers than through direct communication.
• Fathers need to lead with authenticity and vulnerability, acknowledging their own struggles and mistakes.
• Being present in the lives of their children is the best gift fathers can offer.
• The impact of fathers on their children's lives and relationships is profound.
• Intergenerational trauma can be passed down through relational experiences.
• Fathers need to model the behavior they expect from their children.
• Honesty and transparency are essential in building trust and integrity with children.
• Being a father is both challenging and rewarding, and brings immense joy.
• Fatherhood requires constant self-reflection and a commitment to personal growth. Fathers need to be present and engaged with their families, as their absence can have a significant impact on their children's lives.
• There is a societal attack on the role of fathers, which undermines their importance and value.
• Fathers should serve as mentors to other men, helping them navigate the challenges of fatherhood.
• Society needs to recognize and appreciate the importance of fatherhood, fostering unity and support for fathers.
• Fathers play a crucial role in shaping their children's identity and providing them with a sense of purpose and direction.
• There is a crisis of identity in society, which can be addressed through the presence and guidance of fathers.
• The book 'Men's Breakthrough Devotional' offers inspiration and guidance for men seeking to optimize their lives.
• The 'Winning Circle' men's community provides support, accountability, and camaraderie for men striving to excel in their roles as husbands, fathers, and men of integrity.

Transcript

Robert (00:01)
Hey everyone, welcome back to the dad to dad's podcast. And today I am honored to have Dr. Myron Edmonds on the show. Dr. Evans, welcome.

MyRon Edmonds (00:12)
Hey, what's up, Robert, man? Thanks for having me, man. I'm excited to be here. Let's go.

Robert (00:15)
Man, I don't know how to enter. I'm happy you're here. I really am honored and I don't know how to introduce somebody like you. I really don't. Motivational speaker, men's life and leadership coach, accomplished author, pastor, head of winning circle conference, chaplain for US Air Force reserves. You've got another book coming out that I want you to speak about, you know, as we go along, but man, I tell you what, how do you find time?

MyRon Edmonds (00:42)
Yeah, it's interesting that you would bring all that up. It's for all those reasons that I need this podcast. I'm too busy for myself and not often as present as I need to be because, man, I just love staying busy and that's good, right? Because we accomplish a lot, but there's also a downside to that as well. So hopefully we can help each other through this maze of activity that both of us probably have going on in our lives.

Robert (00:47)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Yeah, you do.

Yeah. And I tell you what, even on, on social media, I mean, you're, you're on there, you're very active on there. And you know, like you had a post a day or two ago. Hey, if you're struggling, reach out to me. I mean, it's like, this guy's just putting more and more on himself. And, I guess part of it's just the heart that you have, right?

MyRon Edmonds (01:33)
Yeah, I have a pastor's heart. You know, I've been pastoring for 25 years and just recently, I think, you know, this just maybe from following or maybe a conversation we had, I resigned from pastoring, transitioned. I hate to say resigned. It sounds so negative. And typically people will connect with some scandal, no scandal whatsoever. I just, yeah, I just really felt called to really stay in the men's space, find a lot of fulfillment, enjoy there. But yeah, one of the tough parts about this is all my...

All my people around me who are my business minded people are like, dude, you're not going to make any money being pastoral in this space. I'm like, man, dude, no, I can't change that. I want to help people. And I feel like I'm really here to serve. So yes, but I've got to learn to deal with imbalance. Absolutely.

Robert (02:18)
Yeah, we all are. Yeah, we all are. I think we're all here to serve. You just do a lot better job of it than most of us. So, well, look, I wanna jump into this. I know your time's limited. I'm gonna mention a word and I want you to tell me what comes to mind. Fatherhood.

MyRon Edmonds (02:40)
You know, I take a deep breath on that because I just had therapy two days ago. Every other Tuesday, I do therapy. And the initial reason why I did therapy was because of father wounds, because of issues with my father. Now, just to give you a little backstory, my father and I were best friends. We talked offline earlier. My dad is hero to me for the majority of my life. I want to be him.

He was a pastor. Now I didn't want to be a pastor. It's amazing how that happened. That's a whole other podcast, but just the kind of man he was. He was an athlete. He was in the sports. He's good looking. He's charming. He's gregarious. You know, he has presence. He's everything. He was a great dad to us. He was very much in touch with his feelings. He was, he was vulnerable. Honestly, I felt my dad was a full package, but man, all of this kind of went south when he and my mom got divorced after 35 years of marriage.

I'm a grown man now, I'm married. But it created a lot of questions in my mind about my upbringing and my father and I's relationship actually became estranged about 15 years ago. And man, I realized just how much even as a grown married man in his 40s, the rupture of that relationship had an.

impact on me and this is this is no no shade against my mom but man there's there's there is a there's an influence that that dads have on sons and girls alike but i'm just speaking from my perspective man i couldn't get right personally until that thing got resolved and healed and thankfully it it has been healed the relationship has been restored but when you say fatherhood the first thing that

comes to my mind is not necessarily me as a father, but me as a son. And I think a lot of men can relate to that. I'll tell you this, doing all the men stuff that we do, all the men spaces that I'm in, you know, I create a lot of safe spaces for men to talk and to do life together. And I'll tell you this, man, if you want to pick a subject that creates the most emotion, whatever that emotion is, it's joy, disappointment, hurt, pain, anguish, regret.

I don't care how old the man is. Start talking about dads. Start talking about fathers. It is to me, and I think I have some research to back it up. I won't get all empirical on here today, but I'll say this. I cannot think of a relationship that is more impactful on a person's life and their relationships than the relationship that we have with our dads. And even talking about this right now, Robert,

I feel my voice getting a little weak, right? I feel, you know, and for no reason, I mean, I can't even, just the thought of my dad just brings a level of emotion of how I want to be, how I wish he was, how I'm thankful for what he was. So it's a mixed bag, you know, you love him, but you're disappointed at the same time. And it's, that's the first thing that comes to my mind.

Robert (05:38)
Yeah.

Well, yeah, and I can totally relate to that. I'm sure that's kind of gone into your, you being a father as well, passionate about it.

MyRon Edmonds (06:12)
And I'll tell you this, this is a great segue to get into this. I was hoping I'd be able to talk about this because I think my dad did a great job of raising us. May not have been the best husband or their marriage may not have been the best, but he was a great dad. And for all the fathers out there that are watching, look, man, you can do both. It's possible to suck at marriage.

or make mistakes in your relationship with your significant other or your spouse, your wife, and still be a great dad. You can do both, right? You can have the yin and the yang of those things. My dad was a great dad, which made it even more difficult in the process, but he raised me. I can't think of a better way to come up. I'm very fortunate to be able to say, especially as an African American man, that, man, I had my dad, you know, fully present.

in the relationship. My dad picked us up from school. My dad cooked for us. You know, my mom was a career woman. So my dad was there. So in the process here, I have a son and I have a daughter, but for whatever reason I could, I struggled thinking that it was going to be easy. I really struggled raising my son. My son now is, he's 18 years old and we're still raising him, but there was a point in time where almost lost my relationship with my son had it not been for my wife because.

I was so bent Rob man on trying to make a man out of him the way that my dad made a man out of me that I began to alienate him and push him away. I will say this that there are some people out there who say I have no regrets. I don't say those things. There are definitely some things I regret and wish I could have done differently as it relates to raising my son. I believe I had good intentions. I'll say that I had good intentions.

But man, if it wasn't for the intervention and the wisdom of my wife, seeing how I was alienating my son and driving him away by trying to handle him the same way my dad handled me, man, I would have lost that relationship. And so fatherhood to me is an ongoing journey of, I think it's God's way.

of helping you to grow by giving you a human being. We think that fatherhood or parenting, but specifically father, we think it's all about how we place the emphasis on the object, right? On the child, what we are doing for them, how we show up for them and whether we did a good job or what kind of father are we? But we, I think we ought to also be mindful. And I believe this especially as a person of faith.

And honestly, it just makes sense to me. Like we're raising ourselves. I mean, come on, man. Like nobody, it's kind of amazing to me that I have kids. Sometimes you have to stand back, you think about it like, wow, my irresponsible butt, like my sorry, good for nothing, triplen cell has human beings and I'm raising them. I mean, I don't do a good job with me.

Robert (09:30)
Right.

MyRon Edmonds (09:30)
And I've been given literally me that kid is me, but he also has my wife's DNA. And so he's got all this baggage, this generational stuff that's passed down and there's no blueprint. There's no manual. There's no operational guide. You just get in there and you figure it out and you realize in the process that you are growing as a person, hopefully just as much as your kids are. That's that's the reality.

Robert (09:58)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. I'll tell you what. And like with my sons, when they do something and it reminds me of me and that is if you want to get under my skin and I'm like, no, don't are they're going down the same path I did with something approaching something that's the way I like. No. Well, why dad? Why not? I'm like, I know better. I, you know, I, I approached this.

MyRon Edmonds (10:15)
you

I think.

Robert (10:28)
that way, the same thing that way. No, I'm telling you, this is what this leads to. Don't do this. Go down this road instead. Yeah, it's a harder road. But I tell you what, being a dad, it's tough, man. It's tough and it's rewarding, huh?

MyRon Edmonds (10:45)
Yeah, it's definitely both. I think nothing brings you more joy. And I know you know, understand any parent, but nothing brings you more joy than seeing your kids experience joy, right? Or success or any of the smallest things. Come on, man. We celebrate everything with our kids, right? Every amount, every small modicum of progress is it just does something for you because in a way you're like, man, that's.

Robert (11:02)
Yeah, yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (11:12)
That's my kid. That's mine. Like they carry my name. So the rewarding part, I think it's easy to speak about the rewards. I think the challenge is what... I think we have a hard time figuring out what is the challenge of fatherhood, right? And I think the challenge of fatherhood is what I would describe as self mastery. Because look, at the end of the day, my kids...

Robert (11:14)
Yeah. Yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (11:41)
are learning more about life through observation of me than by direct communication. I don't remember a lot of speeches from my father. I don't remember a lot of lectures. I remember that there were plenty of them. But what I do remember is I remember more or less how he carried himself, the decisions that he made. And so like, how can you do

Robert (11:49)
absolutely.

MyRon Edmonds (12:11)
dad stuff well and you don't do you well. How I think and I think as parents, we think we can separate the two and what I can say is and and I know this. I'm the only biological child out of five. So my other brothers and sisters are adopted and they came out of very difficult circumstances where they had some not so good parents right, but they did the best they could with what they had some putting them up for adoption what have you. So I'm not I want to be clear. I'm not saying.

that you can't still provide a decent life for your children to put them on a good foundation to move forward while you're struggling. What I want to say and I'm not saying you got to figure it all out, but what I am saying is is you cannot expect your kids to grow to mature to develop and you are asking of them things that you are not willing to do yourself. And I and I find this yeah, I find this to be true, you know.

Robert (13:04)
Man, that's so true.

MyRon Edmonds (13:08)
in the process of raising. And sometimes God will say to me, he's like, really? Is that what you're telling them to do? Do you do that? Like, well, you have really high expectations for Camden and Taylor. Like you're, if you only had expectations like that for yourself. And I think a lot of times as parents and as dads, we kind of coast personally while we have great expectations for our kids. And I think we need to do both and almost flip it.

Robert (13:15)
Gosh, that's true.

MyRon Edmonds (13:39)
where we expect much of ourselves and in the process of living our lives the way they ought to be lived, that example is powerful enough to set the expectation for our kids.

Robert (13:51)
That is so true in everything. And you know, when you're saying that I've got, I know somebody who is really pushing their son in a certain sport. I mean, pushing him hard and get so frustrated that he's not working out, that he's not doing everything he can to get better and he's not exercising, he's not going to the gym. What's this dad do? He's very overweight.

MyRon Edmonds (14:04)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Robert (14:21)
very lazy, does not work out. I mean, you know, would probably get winded if he walked around the block and I'm thinking he's following your, you know, and he's mad because all his son does is play video games and he does have a lot of talent, but it's like, he's mirroring you, you know, and I've told him, I'm like, exercise together, join a gym. You two go together, get out there, you know, throw the ball with him.

MyRon Edmonds (14:41)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Robert (14:52)
You know, and, and you enjoy it. It's, but they so much, whether it's that, whether it's how you treat other people, you can tell them all you want, but man, it's so much of, of you better, you better, you better walk that walk that same talk. I mean, that you want them to love.

MyRon Edmonds (15:01)
Mm -hmm.

gotta walk the walk. And our kids are way more perceptive and intelligent than we give them credit for. And the funny thing is, is like we get amnesia. Like you were picking up stuff from your own parents and they were sleeping really on your ability to be aware of what was happening even though you couldn't articulate. And that's what I find a lot with kids. Kids cannot, here's the difference between them and us. They cannot articulate.

Robert (15:15)
You have to.

MyRon Edmonds (15:44)
in a way that is logical or, you know, they just, they don't have the words to put on how life is happening with time and maturity. We, we get that language. We were able to process certain things differently, but that doesn't mean they don't know what's going on. They just because they can't say it doesn't mean that they don't understand that. Hold on. Something's not right. And you know, it's funny. I was doing some, some reading on like,

intergenerational trauma. And it's crazy because we previously through this, we thought that trauma, you know, was only something that, you know, vets experienced or somebody in a car accident or something like that, maybe a rape victim. But now we're finding that it's not only chemical and it can be passed down, you know, in the bloodline, but it can be completely relational. I was reading this book, great book, it's called It Didn't Start With You.

And the whole point of the book is, the whole point of the book is, is that a relationship has the same impact, the way we manage relationships, right? And, and, and experiencing those relationships has the same kind of impact on our cellular, on a cellular level that it would be if you were to pass down something through the bloodline, right? Chemically, it's this is the same impact. And so while a kid may not be able to say,

you know, I don't feel loved or I feel pressured to play the sport or you have expectations for me that you don't have for yourself in that father's case, right? He can't say that, but he feels something is wrong.

something is not right and his behavior will follow and I'll give you a prime example of this. So funny thing is, is I'm having all these expectations for my kids. I'm being especially hard on my son. Simultaneously, I'm addicted to pornography. Me and my marriage is is a joke and I'm a pastor. I got all this pressure.

Like dude, and it's and God is like, dude, you you really I mean, like, I don't know what you expect out of these kids. You are a piece of trash right now. Like, and your expectations for them is this and you're doing what? Yo, my daughter one time found porn on my phone, took it to my wife while I laying in the bed next to my wife, gave it to her and said, what's this on daddy's phone?

So I'm fake sleeping now, because I can hear what's going on. And I went into a REM cycle like immediately. It was a coma. Amen. And all I heard my wife was she just said, ask your father.

Robert (18:24)
You're like in a really deep sleep.

MyRon Edmonds (18:46)
So here I am in a position where my, you know, my you know what gets hits the fan and I got to have hard conversations with my kids about how I'm struggling as a person. But can I tell you this though? One of the best things that ever happened in my parenting life was getting busted.

It created a scenario where I had to have a vulnerable relationship with my kids. And there's some men are watching this and maybe you who can relate to this where for life circumstances just would not allow for you to look perfect. You know, and I think so many of us are trying to create perfect children, perfect athletes, protecting them.

And I personally don't feel like that. That ain't that ain't the way man. That is not the way because whatever is weakness in one generation is wickedness in the next generation. Whatever is in you is in them. And in a way I see it as a blessing. I think God busted me put me on Front Street where he was like, look the jig is up man level with your kids about the struggles that are in this family. Not only you but generation your dad talk to him.

real about what's happening and what you're facing and what you're dealing with and what you and you and the wife are dealing with come clean and I had to have a come to Jesus moment with my kids man and I will tell you this it was painful it was difficult and I know some others you know who've experienced this before but I don't think I lost anything I didn't lose anything being vulnerable I didn't lose anything being in a position

where I had to admit fault and acknowledge mistakes. I think it put me in a position of integrity with my kids, where the jig was up. Because I really feel like integrity is not just honesty, but it's the defiance of mediocrity in every area of our life. Like, I was sucking wind as a person. And my kids, I owed it to my kids to say, yo, I'm struggling and I need to get help.

And that in my case, and there's some people who don't agree with this, but this is just me. It changed the dynamic of our relationship. I would. Yeah, man.

Robert (21:07)
Absolutely, absolutely. And it changes the way they will approach things in their life. I mean, look, you could have tried to lie yourself out of it, come up with excuses. I don't know how you would lie yourself out of that. I don't know. I'm doing research. I've been doing... It was a deacon at the church. He just took my phone for 30 minutes. But...

MyRon Edmonds (21:22)
Hey, hey, your brother, your brother had my phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Robert (21:35)
You know, I don't know how, but you know, it could be, and you know, I was thinking of somebody and he has an alcohol problem and you know, his kids have busted him and he is, you know, they've caught him passed out on the couch. They've found, you know, empty bottles in his closet, little bottles in his closet. And you know, he's like, I know they're going to catch you one day and they know you're lying.

Like they know you're lying and I've tried to help them in the fact of, look, just one, you've got a problem and we've talked about it and he knows he does. Admit it to them and show them, because let me tell you something, they're going to be faced with problems in their life and they're going to approach them the same way that you're approaching things, man. And it's like, you want them to, to be able to fess up and, and just, I hate to say approach it like a man, but yeah, approach it like a man, approach it like an adult.

MyRon Edmonds (22:04)
Mm -hmm.

Yes, sir.

Robert (22:34)
And I love that, come to Jesus meeting with yourself and it's tough, but it's also, I think that was a huge and very impactful learning moment for your kids right there.

MyRon Edmonds (22:50)
Yeah, I think the currency, I wasn't raised this way. So let me just preface this by saying this, this is not old school, right? Old school was not to, what they would call this is airing out your dirty laundry, but it was more than that. I wasn't airing out my dirty laundry. My dirty laundry, I put it out on the line in the back of the house. You remember those days? And I put my, I didn't wash my drawers. I put my dirty drawers out there and say, hey, y 'all come and look, right?

Robert (23:10)
Haha, yeah, yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (23:19)
It was not planned, right? Yeah, but I think that we are in a space now where we have to lead with authenticity, right? And I do think there's a difference between being vulnerable and being transparent. I had no choice but to be transparent, but being vulnerable doesn't necessarily mean your kids know every wrong thing you've done, but being vulnerable carries an attitude that you are on the same journey that they are on.

which is trying to be a better person. And I think that helps. One of my kids called me out on something, because here as a preacher, especially, it's easy to get called out as a preacher. Like, dude, seriously, you're just set up to be a hypocrite, because you're out here telling everybody else how to live and what they ought to do, right? And my wife said one thing to me and my kids said something else, it was tripping. So my kids...

Robert (24:01)
I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (24:14)
And I don't know how they did this, because you know, again, like I don't, sometimes kids don't have the language to do this, but we were driving in the car and I was taking them to school and I was on the phone the whole time. And I guess I hadn't realized that I used the commute to take them to school as time to get stuff done on the phone. I guess I was always on the phone. And you know what happens when you're on the phone and kids are in a car, they automatically become a nuisance. And so my whole energy to them all the time is be quiet.

Robert (24:37)
Yep. yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (24:43)
Hold on, hush, I'm on the phone. That became the pattern of my relationship with them on the way to school, impatience, frustration. I'm getting something done. My daughter said something to one time. She said, and I don't know if she was saying it to me, but the way she said it was so articulate. And I was like, man, the Holy Ghost is speaking through my child. She was like, daddy's with us, but he's not with us.

Robert (25:03)
Hahaha.

MyRon Edmonds (25:08)
And then I said, wow, you know, because you talk earlier about all the stuff I'm doing and, you know, I got definitely got this hyperachiever bug to always be at it. But I'm starting to realize now in this second phase of manhood, you know, they say there are two phases. The first phase is where you're striving for significance. You know, you're trying to prove to yourself and to the world that you got what it takes. Right. And they say, well, around about your 40s, you get to a place where you realize none of that stuff matters in the relationships.

or what matters the most. And they said, what happens is you come to a place where you realize being present is the best gift that you can offer, you know, the people that you love the most. And dude, I would sit around and listen to my wife and my kids talk about times we were on vacation and we had some funny moment. And I'd be like, what happened? Was I there? Like who? No, serious stuff too. Like, yo, do you remember that time? You remember that time dad did this? I'm like, I, I.

that I was there? Yo, I would say for the first. Yeah, no. Hey, listen.

Robert (26:09)
Some of that could be age too though. At least I know. You're younger than me. You're younger than me, man. But I'll tell you.

MyRon Edmonds (26:17)
I would use age as an excuse, but man, truthfully, I just am not present ever, bro. I would say about 25 % of the day, but most of it is that my mind is always on something else while I was in the presence of my kids, which is unfair. And then my wife said this to me. She was like, dude, you are Superman out there, but you're Clark Kent at home.

Robert (26:23)
But I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying.

Yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (26:46)
I showed up better for everybody else and kind of brought the leftovers home. That's okay, I got it. That's kind of how I started this whole men's thing. Cause I felt like there's a lot of successful guys, you know, doing well, you know, the six figures, the nice house, you know, whatever the car, the education, you know, they got status, but they, we, we, we suck and win at home, bro. And we're losing in what matters the most, you know? Yeah. That was me.

Robert (27:13)
You know, I wanna talk about mentorship in a minute, because you mentioned that on our first conversation we had about how fathers need mentors. But one thing, and I hope we have enough time to talk about it but Myron, I think you'll agree that everything in this world and in society right now seems so divisive. Everything. It's like, you can't, people just can't disagree.

MyRon Edmonds (27:36)
everything.

Mm -hmm.

Robert (27:40)
It doesn't matter what it is. You're, you're, you're good or you're bad. It's like we're living in some sort of, you know, borderline personality society. How can we get back? Or do you think there's a way for us to get back where everybody's really on the same page about the importance of fatherhood? Do you think there's a way? Because I feel like it's not everybody, but man, I, I see it in comments. I see it on the media.

MyRon Edmonds (27:44)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Robert (28:11)
What are you, and I'm talking on both sides. I'm not putting this just on females. I'm talking about men not realizing the impact. Some men not even realizing the impact.

MyRon Edmonds (28:26)
I have found that what you are saying is true. And although you are trying to steer this in the most positive light, let's just get real. The truth is, I believe that there is a societal attack on this role and relationship. And it's kind of ridiculous. Because when you look at all of the research, and I'm sure you're familiar with it, all the statistics that we hear all the time about...

You know, incarcerated, suicide, drugs, you know, children out of wedlock, whatever, just name any vice bad, you know, scenario at risk behavior, almost, I mean, the numbers are astounding. No father, lack of relationship with their father. It's like our present, listen, and to every brother out there, don't ever discount, don't discount your presence. I was just at a conference recently.

Robert (29:13)
Yeah. yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (29:23)
a men's conference and there was a pain management doc there, top in his field and his area, killing the game, millionaire. And he had just gotten divorced and the divorce proceedings wore him down to where he started feeling like he had no value. Think of that, bro. Here's a guy who has it all. But now because his presence and his value as a father, the significance of his role.

had been diminished to child support, to how much money they could get out of him. These are the kinds of things that men are dealing with, and these are the kind of messages that they are getting. It's in media, it's in everywhere you go, it's in television programming that we lack value. And all I would say is tune that crap out, and just look at real life, and look in these streets, look at your kids, look in your own life, and

Tell me that you don't matter as a man. We don't need any freaking data, Rob. We don't need no data for this. Tell me how you feel about the relationship with your father. Tell me, look in these inner cities and not just the inner cities, look in these suburbs where you got, in the inner city, you talk about these guys who are not present, these single parent mothers. And then in the suburbs and upper middle -class areas, you got fathers who are physically present in the home but are absent because they're at work.

Robert (30:32)
Yeah.

they're not present. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (30:51)
And cause we've made parenting synonymous with motherhood. Bro, do not ever diminish or minimize what you bring to the table. You are the life -changing source of direction for children. And I got a friend of mine, he's a developmental psychologist. And he said, look, man, he said, confidence sometimes comes from the relationship with the mother. He said, but identity comes from relationship with a father.

Robert (30:55)
Right.

MyRon Edmonds (31:21)
And I can't think of anything that's more important than knowing who you are. Like we matter, bro. Yeah, I mean.

Robert (31:25)
I 100 % agree, 100 % agree. And I do think, we don't have time to go into it. I do think there's bigger forces at play. I mean, I really do. And I think the family court system a lot of times, it's about the money. I also, to me, and I hate to sound like one of these old guys, but to me,

a lot of stuff changed for the worse when we took prayer out of school and when we really just just just just just just diminished. I can't even talk God's role and really didn't value that. And I feel like we don't now near as much as we used to. And that's hurt the family unit. And you know, we're so I don't know.

I could go off on a tangent on this and I don't need to.

MyRon Edmonds (32:26)
Well, you're talking about values. Yeah. And yeah, I would say this prayer, prayer in schools. My dad grew up in the South and he grew up, you know, where his teachers loved him and his teachers were like second parents. You know, we could talk discipline. We could talk gentle parenting. We could, I mean, we could talk. There's, but to your point, there is a, and the brothers need to hear this.

Robert (32:28)
Yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (32:54)
know that and I love the word you use there are forces that are greater than what we can see that are at work that are trying to minimize your role right I know everybody has different views on what their values are but I'm a man of faith and some of you may not be but I'll say this I'll just keep saying this you can you can spend this any way you want bro you matter understand that

And we can see this, man. You one of the things I love, you know, we love sports. I watched the draft. And, you know, you see these kids and a lot of times these kids are sitting there and they have no, there's no father present, right? And these kids have made it. And then you hear over the course of their career, you know, why they were playing. And it's the same thing that I was playing.

They wanted wherever he was, wherever Tom, Bob, Jason, whatever the dad's name, wherever he was, they were playing for him. Listen, we're an invisible force. When we're not around, we're still there. When we're present, we're there. I'm telling you, the role of a father is almost omnipresent in the impact that it has. I have a friend of mine, and I would love to connect you guys. His name is...

Reggie George, he's over father figure.

Robert (34:22)
We are, yeah, we are actually going to record next week. You did connect us when we first spoke and yeah, we've had a few conversations. Phenomenal guy. Phenomenal guy.

MyRon Edmonds (34:25)
good, good.

We talk about this all the time, just how there is, Cuttino Mobley is another one that I'd love to connect with.

Robert (34:37)
Yeah, he's I'm recording with him in a few days as well. Katina is wonderful, man. He's so out passionate. Man.

MyRon Edmonds (34:42)
Good, I mean...

passionate. Well, he's, he's, he's on the other side of it where, you not married, but have been through the court system. He sees the forces. And so again, I just want to say to the fathers out there, y 'all look, man, you matter. And here's why you matter. Because parenting is not synonymous with motherhood. Parenting requires both mother and father.

Robert (34:49)
He is. Yeah. Yep.

Love that guy.

MyRon Edmonds (35:13)
And I'm just gonna throw this out here. I know this is gonna stir up some feminists, but I think there's a reason why. I don't wanna get you in trouble, Bob, but I'm just telling you as much. I think there's a reason why God identified himself as father.

Robert (35:22)
I don't care. I'm not worried about it.

MyRon Edmonds (35:29)
And I don't think it's for feminist reasons. I don't think it's for patriarchy reasons. I think that's another reason why we're seeing a backlash. They talk about misogyny. There's a thing out now called misandry, where there's a hatred of men. People feel like we can do this without them. But understand...

You know, and I'll just get theologic for a minute. When you look at Christ, like everything he did, he did as a motivation, motivated by his relationship with his father. And I think that that order and the way that's been set up is also visibly seen in our relationships with our dads as well. Dude, and it just goes back to where we're talking. It matters. This relation, that's all I'm trying to say. I'm not saying it's more important. I'm just saying it matters.

and it matters to like the development and the success of our kids and the relationships that they possess. It matters. Dude, here I am 36 years old. My parents get divorced. Bro, when me and my dad's relationship soured, man, it literally impacted me as a mature pastor, Christian dad. Like it jacked me up.

Robert (36:43)
Sure I did.

MyRon Edmonds (36:46)
That's the impact that we have, both positive and negative. So I love this podcast because you've given a platform for dads to constantly reinforce the fact that our stuff is as important as a woman carrying a child for nine months. I know we didn't bear that pain, but you better believe if you ain't showing up after that, that child does not stand a chance. Doesn't stand a chance.

Robert (37:11)
That is, look, statistics show it, right? Statistics show it. And I think when we first talked, I was telling you one of the driving factors behind this was because of a shooting here in Atlanta. Just group shooting, guys being guys, being stupid. And one of my sons knew one of the shooters. And so I just started kind of digging in. And it was a few people that were shooting, none of them.

No dads in their lives, no fathers in their lives. There was, there was, you know, and I don't know who all was there. but I imagine for the, for the ones that did call to get caught, I do know there was no father in their life. I mean that fathers do matter. Fathers, I think fathers matter and you don't have to be biological either. I think that's, that's another thing that I want to get across that if you're, you know, if you're a male out there, your presence in.

MyRon Edmonds (38:02)
of course not.

Robert (38:11)
another child's life, if they don't have a father figure present, man, do something. Be that male role model in their life. Take them under your wing. And it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. You learn so much from, they learn so much from fathers. And I know we've been discounted, but yeah, you matter. You matter a lot. I mean, I think the...

MyRon Edmonds (38:23)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Robert (38:41)
the father's role really begins after the nurturing is so important and early on, then it's a lot of it goes towards the dads, goes towards the fathers.

MyRon Edmonds (38:51)
Hey, I don't know if you know this, but I found this very interesting. I do have a little nerd side to me too, outside of the jock side, right? But, so, you know, according to the research, man, 50 % of the time, a child's first word is dadda, no matter what language it is, even though it's phonetically harder to say that than it is mama. And so it's almost like,

Robert (38:57)
Ha ha ha.

MyRon Edmonds (39:19)
innately a child is looking for that relationship. And so there's this thing called attachment theory, but it's just a, it's just a deep way for those of you who are not geeky, right? It's just a deep way of saying that when a child is born, right, especially in the womb, a child doesn't know, and this is, this is, this is good, man. A child doesn't know that there is a difference between them and the mother in their mind. They are the same thing, right?

They don't know that there is any separation between the two of them. Even when they come out of the womb and they're being breastfed or even weaned, the child, especially early on, thinks that me and mama are the same person. The only way a child knows, according to attachment theory, that they are other, that they're actually an independent person, is when a dad shows up.

Robert (40:03)
Interesting.

Wow.

MyRon Edmonds (40:17)
Bro, look, look. Like, that speaks of the power of identity, bro.

Robert (40:22)
I can see that.

Sure it does.

MyRon Edmonds (40:27)
And you can see this, think about this. Let's fast forward. I know we're running out of time, but.

Robert (40:29)
Sure it does.

MyRon Edmonds (40:38)
Does this not answer the question as to why we see what, why you see what you see in the communities that we see with kids? When you got, they are still unattached.

Robert (40:48)
You're right.

MyRon Edmonds (40:53)
They still have no idea who they are. That's, I think that's my personal opinion is the number one crisis we're dealing with in the world we're living in right now is a crisis of identity. And the problem with identity is we're getting too many messages with social media and otherwise. Suicide is up in kids. Everything is up in kids. Depression, anxiety. Why? Because we're looking at other people's fake lives and making assessments about ourselves. But you know what a father can do? Father can come in there.

Robert (41:16)
That's it. Yeah.

MyRon Edmonds (41:23)
And if he's loving, right? And if he's empathetic, but also brings the masculinity, brings the strength, when he brings all those things to the table, man, he writes the ship.

Robert (41:34)
Yeah. No, that's so true. Yeah, we do. No, that's, that's, that's, that's true. That's true. Hey, look, I want you to come back. I hope, I hope you will. Cause I want you to, you know, I want you to go into mentorship. There's a lot of other things that, that you speak about that I think are so valuable. so I want us to do that before you get off, you've got a new book coming out.

MyRon Edmonds (41:35)
We got power, bro. Don't sleep on us. Don't sleep on us.

Robert (42:00)
Like shortly, don't you? I mean, it's, can you tell us a little bit about that? And I'm going to order a copy. I want to talk to you offline. I want to get you to autograph it too, if you don't mind, but, tell me about the book. yeah. Even better, even better.

MyRon Edmonds (42:10)
Yeah, absolutely. I'll do it in person when I get down there, bro. Yeah, we'll go off with some good food, man. And yeah, chop it up. Watch the Cowboys beat up on the Saints. I think they're playing this year.

Robert (42:18)
There we go.

I don't know about that. yeah, we'll be together during that time. So we'll be in the same city. So the book is...

MyRon Edmonds (42:25)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I wrote a, I wrote a men's inspirational book, Devotion. I'm big on men dominating their mornings and spending time alone, self care, meditation, Christians would call it devotion. So I wrote a devotional book for men to really get their heads right as they go about their days called Men's Breakthrough Devotional. You can get it on Amazon right now. And yeah, I'm excited about it. It started off as a journal that I was writing to my son. And in the process, it became a book.

And I realized I was really writing not only to my son, but to me and to other men out there who are not perfect, but believe that they have incredible possibilities and potential. It's especially for high level men, guys that are got a lot of responsibility and a lot on their plate, a lot of pressure. And this one is for you, especially help you navigate.

Robert (43:20)
I'm gonna order that today. And again, it's Men's Breakthrough Devotional. That's the name of it. I'm gonna order that today. And when we break bread, I'm gonna have you sign it. Does that sound good? What else do you want to promote? Look, everybody needs to follow his Instagram. I will tell you that.

MyRon Edmonds (43:25)
Yes, men's breakthrough devotional.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Yes, yes, yes. Follow me on Instagram, but you know, I started a men's community called the winning circle and the winning circles for guys like us, man, guys who are really trying to get after it. And our mantra is men for men who want to win in what matters. And so our, our focus is on helping guys to experience the greatest of what life has to offer specifically as dads, as husbands, as men, men of God.

as men of integrity, men who take care of their health. So it's a support community, accountability community. We've seen some amazing things happen in this community with men. And it's one of the safest places I know on the planet for men who are trying to grow and get it after that same time. So it's the joy of my life, man. We have motivational calls and curriculum and all types of stuff. But the best thing is the camaraderie and the brotherhood from guys who are all trying to win in what matters. I'm telling you, I get excited just talking about it because...

of just the, the, the experience that guys are getting, by pushing each other to greatness. So yeah, man, that's my thing. Yeah. Or just go to men's winning circle .com men's winning circle. I say all the time, I'll say this. It's for men who are really in a rough place, right? And you need some help getting out of that rough place, or it's for men who are functional, but they want to optimize.

Robert (44:43)
And they can find that on your website as well, can't they? Can't they find more information?

MyRon Edmonds (45:03)
Like they really want to go to the next level. So if you're like in the middle and you don't feel like you need help or want to get better or improve, especially in your relationships as a husband, as a father and your spiritual life and your health and all those kinds of things, finances, it ain't for you. It's for guys who either trying to go to the next level or guys who are trying to get out of a low level. Yeah.

Robert (45:23)
Myron, thank you. I mean, really thank that. Thank you. Thank you for coming on. I know you're busy and I know, I know we've run over, we've, run out of time, but, man, just for you to squeeze me in, it is an honor. I mean, it really is. And I appreciate it. And I hope we have, you know, numbers, number of conversations in the future as well on and offline on and offline. So, but look, Hey, thank you all for listening to dad to dads podcast. You can find us on Spotify.

MyRon Edmonds (45:25)
Thank you, brother.

I look forward to it. Yes, sir. yeah.

Robert (45:51)
or Apple podcast as well as on YouTube. And don't forget to hit that like and subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes and we will see you next time.