The Four Pillars of Fatherhood, with Coach & Mentor Rod Richard

Rod Richard, Coach & Mentor, shares his journey into fatherhood, emphasizing the importance of being present and the challenges modern fathers face. He introduces the four pillars of fatherhood: faith, family, finance, and fitness, and discusses how these elements intertwine to create a well-rounded approach to parenting. Rod reflects on the state of fatherhood today, noting a resurgence in the value placed on fatherhood and the need for male camaraderie. He offers heartfelt advice for new fathers, encouraging them to embrace their journey and be present for their children.

Takeaways

• Rod emphasizes the importance of being present as a father.
• The four pillars of fatherhood are faith, family, finance, and fitness.
• Modern fathers face challenges like work-life balance and self-doubt.
• Fatherhood is a journey that requires continuous learning and adaptation.
• The importance of male friendships and support in fatherhood is crucial.
• Rod believes that every father is the perfect father for their child, flaws and all.
• Rod encourages fathers to embrace both the good and bad moments of parenting.
• Conversations about fatherhood are essential for personal growth and community support.

www.4fitfatherhood.com

https://www.instagram.com/dadtodads/

Transcript

Robert (00:00)
Rod, welcome to the podcast. Appreciate you coming on.

Rod Richard (00:03)
Well, thank you for having me. I appreciate you reaching out and I'm excited to be here.

Robert (00:08)
Well man, thank you. Hey, so before we get into the four pillars of fatherhood, me, tell me about yourself. Tell me about what you do and just kind of all that you have going on.

Rod Richard (00:19)
man, all that I have going on, huh? So I have a hat on right now. I'm assuming that people watching the video will see that, but I wear a bunch of different hats. So let me start there. Currently, I work at a virtual charter school, so my responsibility is to help students kind of align from middle school all the way up until college, making sure that they have all the right credits, make sure they're taking all the right classes, providing in-person enrichment opportunities. So.

So I'm trying in that way to give back and kind of be a part of helping youth move up through the ranks and hopefully achieve their dreams, right? I own a gym where we train only athletes. So it's not like your traditional commercial gym is strictly athlete based. For the last almost 20 years, I've been a strength and conditioning coach. That was my full time job up until the pandemic. I've had stents.

for various different places, major league baseball, high schools, colleges, kind of bounced around a little bit. And then I kind of fell into running one of the largest athletic performance gyms in Southern California. In my time there, we trained somewhere close to 50,000 athletes or had some part in training 50,000 athletes with athletes all the way from gold medalists all the way to eight year olds.

I got a couple other things. I obviously got a podcast and social media and all those things. But I would say the most important thing that I do is father. That is the job or the title that I wear the proudest. It is the one that I never take off. Second only to that is being a husband. Those two things I think are the most important things to me. And that's kind of what led me into where I am now as a coach and mentor.

for other fathers, specifically new and expecting fathers, because I feel like there isn't really a, not even a rites of passage, because I think you should probably have rites of passage before you get to that point, but the transition from a man to a father, we're all kind of just left in the dark and people tell us, you'll figure it out. And we end up having to figure it out on our own, unfortunately. So I try to be a buffer, I guess, that, for those guys.

Robert (02:25)
Yeah.

How did that come about? Like, did you kind of struggle or were you looking for something when you were, you know, a new father? Like, how did that come about?

Rod Richard (02:47)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, so the whole kind of fatherhood space and me getting into it, I guess kind of goes back to when I found out I was gonna be a father. So was 2011, 2010, 2011, somewhere around there. My daughter was born in 2012, so the timeframe is somewhere around there, right? I was working with the New York Mets at the time, came home for All-Star break, and, because I was living in Florida.

and then from Florida, kind of moving around with the team, kind of going wherever the team goes. But came home from All-Star break, had a couple extra days off, and at that time, found out my wife was pregnant. And it's funny, I call this like my matrix moment, you know, like when Neo is standing there and they're shooting the bullets at him, but then he puts his hand out and they slow down. She comes out of the bathroom and she says, you're gonna be a father. And I felt like the words just like kind of slowed down.

Robert (03:37)
Yeah, yeah.

Yep.

Rod Richard (03:47)
kind of came to me. So it was one of those things where like the world kind of stopped. And in that moment, like almost immediately, I knew that I wasn't going to go back. Well, I had to go back. was contracted to go back, but I wasn't going to return for the next season. Like I knew that once this season was over, I was going to be home and 100 % be a father. And I don't, I've been asked this before. I don't really know why that is. You know what I mean? I don't know why fatherhood struck me so hard, but I immediately knew it was my purpose.

Robert (04:01)
Right.

Rod Richard (04:17)
You know, like I immediately knew that there was nothing else that I would rather do than to be at the doctor's visits to be there for, you know, to rub her back when she's not feeling well or, you know, to put on the sympathy pounds. I was ready to eat like pickles and ice cream too. Like I was ready to do all of it almost instantly. What kind of birth this mentor thing is diving all into fatherhood.

Robert (04:28)
Yeah.

Hahaha

Rod Richard (04:45)
I start kind of looking for resources because I wasn't young, but the guys who I knew that were fathers were young enough to, I wasn't asking them. They're just barely figuring it out themselves. And my dad, his last, I'm his youngest child and I was 29. So was 29 years ago, he had baby experience. So he can give me some idea, but not really. And it was a different time. So I'm asking him questions and he's giving me answers that don't make sense to me.

Robert (05:06)
Yeah, yeah, so he didn't, yeah.

Rod Richard (05:13)
So I started reading all the baby books, the what to expecting, what you're expecting and started looking at YouTube. And at that time it wasn't like a whole lot of information out there. And I just felt like there wasn't anything there. That was enough, right? Because a lot of it's like pre-birth stuff, like what's your wife is going through or what the mother's going through. And then once the baby's here, it's like, change diapers and sleep when the baby's sleeping and like no real information.

Robert (05:31)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (05:40)
And so I started seeking out guys who I thought were good fathers and I started asking them questions, started inviting them out for coffee or let's go to, let's go have some lunch somewhere and we just talk about your experiences at fatherhood. And I'm having all these good conversations and learning all this information. And eventually I was like, and actually my wife kind of pushed me into it, but eventually it was like, I should probably do something with this information. Like I felt like I was gatekeeping it or hoarding all this good information. And she was like, why don't you just

Robert (06:05)
somewhere. Yeah.

Rod Richard (06:10)
ask them, you record it and make a podcast? And I was like, all right, I'm gonna try it. And so that kind of started the podcast and the podcast kind of led into social media where I kind of jumped on the Instagram. I felt like for the first year, maybe year and a half, it was just me and like my friends, you know what I mean? Like it was me and like 10 people and I'm posting stuff and they're liking it or whatever, but that was it. You I had no traction at all.

Robert (06:34)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (06:40)
But I just kept sharing information because I knew eventually somebody was going to find it and if it hit one person and it helped them it was going to be enough. And then that just kind of one day just took off and all of that content that I had from you know the year and a half kind of started getting likes and shares and things kind of took off and now I was presented with the opportunity to actually help fathers in a way that I wanted to help and luckily I had accumulated a bunch of information to share.

Robert (07:09)
Let me ask you this, kind of going back, was your father really involved with you growing up or?

Rod Richard (07:14)
So I had, I had two fathers, right? My biological father, my mom and my dad split up when I was five. And so for like a year or two, my dad was kind of not there. And he had some issues and some things going on in his life where he had to get himself together. He came back into my life probably a year and a half after they divorced, but custody, right? So every other weekend.

a week here or there in the summer, know, Christmas time, they split holidays. So I got to see him and he was very involved in that way when he was able to be, but it's a different time, right? Like it wasn't like he could just call me or FaceTime me, right? Like we're not home, we weren't talking. Like it just, you know, or if I'm not at his house, we're not having a conversation. So I had him, but he wasn't in the home, right? Around the time my dad comes back into my life, my mom gets remarried. So I have a stepdad who's in the home, but he's a workaholic.

Robert (07:47)
Yeah.

Right.

Right. Right.

Rod Richard (08:12)
So he's working, I've never seen him work less than 60 hours a week. would say in my estimation, as a kid, I didn't know how many hours that was, but he would work and then he would work overtime. And he worked like great, he worked weird schedules like graveyard and swing. And so he would just not be around. So he was in the home, but he wasn't present, right? And even to this day, I can't remember like a real conversation that he and I ever had, like a real conversation. Like I remember talking about sports and stuff like that.

Robert (08:20)
Yeah.

Right, right, right.

Rod Richard (08:41)
But like having a real conversation, I can't remember one in, I don't know, six, 15 years that we were in the same house, 14 years or same household together. So I had two fathers. I had one that was like, you know, present emotionally and all that, but he couldn't be there physically. Then I had one that was physically there, but he couldn't be there emotionally. So I had kind of a complete father, but in two different people. So yes, I had a father who was around my...

Robert (09:06)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (09:09)
My biological dad is super, super in my life, super involved now. Me and him actually did a couple of episodes of podcasts together. He's always like involved with my daughters. My stepdad, my mom and him divorced probably 10 years, 15 years ago now. And I haven't talked to him since. And not because of any, know, it was no, it was just time for them to break up. You know what mean? They just run their course. I had no ill will towards him. We just didn't have that relationship. So when they split up,

Robert (09:30)
Right, right. Yeah.

Rod Richard (09:38)
We just continued the same way we were before. Like we weren't really talking before that. So yeah, I did have father's present.

Robert (09:45)
Yeah, was just wondering because, I was just wondering because you're so passionate about fatherhood. You have such a love for being a father. And I was wondering if there was something behind that, whether it was, you you didn't have a father around or maybe your father was like really involved in such a great guy and you wanted to pass that along. Reason.

Rod Richard (09:56)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (10:12)
Like I lost my dad and I were really close and then he passed away when I was 10. And so, you know, I missed him tremendously. And I think that's why when, you know, when we had the boys, when, the boys came into our lives, I was so passionate and am so passionate about being a father, you know, and, really see not just taking it as, okay. Got kids.

but you know, it was that want that wish that I had had and what I missed that what I missed out on possibly at times. And just the different ones I've talked to, it's interesting. It's kind of either they missed a certain period of time in their lives or a certain period of time in their lives. Their dad wasn't there or wasn't there as much as they wished or either their father was

really involved and they had such a great relationship and they want to ensure that you know their kids experience that as well. That's why I was curious about that. So

Rod Richard (11:19)
Yeah. I think, you know, it's funny is the more I think about it, I think it might actually kind of be both for me, right? Because in one regard, like I said, my biological father is like present available emotionally, but he couldn't physically be there. So I really, really want to physically be there for my kids. And then, you know, my other father was a provider protector. Like he kind of did what he needed to do in that regard, but he wasn't emotionally there. So.

Robert (11:28)
Yeah, I was wondering that.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (11:48)
Like I take all of the good from them and I bring that with me and the things that I didn't like, I'm trying to correct for my kids, right? So they don't have to experience it. So it's kind of both of those reasons actually.

Robert (11:57)
Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's interesting. That's interesting.

you've got the four pillars of fatherhood. Did you, how did you come up with those?

Rod Richard (12:05)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so I kind of sat with it for a little while, right? Like it was just, okay, what does fatherhood mean to me? Now that I'm having these conversations, I'm talking to these guys, what are kind of like the through lines? What are some of the things that are like kind of continuing to come up that I'm grabbing a hold to that also makes sense for me? And it just kind of kept coming back to those four things, right? No matter who I talked to, one of those four things was gonna come up.

in some conversations, multiple of those things or all four of those things might've come up. And so it was like, there was other stuff, obviously, there's other things because fatherhood is not just four things, right? Like it's multi-dimensional, it's multiple layers of fatherhood, right? But those four things, I think kind of permeate all the different layers of fatherhood that exists. And so...

Robert (12:57)
Right.

Rod Richard (13:05)
I think when we're talking about trying to be a good father or being a great father, one of those four things is gonna kinda like help to raise the tide, you know? Because they all kind of intertwine at some point. So I was just like, okay, let me write these things down. It just so happened they start with Fs and you know, the four Fs to father. It's trying to be cool or whatever, but I think it was more coincidence than anything because...

those were literally the things that just continued to come up. so, know, faith, family, finance and fitness. Like it's hard to talk about fatherhood and being a leader and a head of a household and not talk about finances, right? Like it's gonna come, if two guys get in the room and they start talking long enough about fatherhood, finances are gonna come up, cause kids cost, right? Putting a roof over your head or working or providing a future or leaving a legacy or.

Robert (13:54)
Yep. Yep.

Rod Richard (14:00)
you know, your will or your trust, even if, no matter how old you are, at some point, that conversation leads into finances. It's inevitable. You know, your faith, no matter what religion it is that you believe in, and I'm not like forcing anybody to believe in anything in particular. I'm a Christian and so I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, but that, could be something else for you, right? But your religion or your faith, that's why I say faith more than I say religion, your faith sets your morals.

Robert (14:07)
Absolutely,

Rod Richard (14:29)
set your guiding principles. It's something that you align to that is bigger than yourself, that is leading you in a way that you now lead your family. So that always came up. And again, no matter who I talk to, because I've got some friends who are Muslim, obviously they're not talking about the same deities, but they are saying some of the same things and their guiding principles and the way that they lead their family. I'm like, this makes sense. Whether I'm...

Robert (14:51)
Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard (14:55)
Christian or Muslim or whatever your belief is, it is your moral compass. And so you end up having that conversation at some point, right? Family is the obvious one, right? Because as a father, it's about your family, right? I think when you're an individual, your success is dictated by what you do. I think when you become a father, your success is dictated by the people who follow you, right? Your children, your wife, like if they're successful,

Robert (14:59)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (15:23)
you're successful, right? If you're able to set your children up to be successful by teaching them, leading them, guiding them, then you're considered a success as a father, right? Because that's what people are gonna gauge you on, or that's what you're gonna gauge yourself on. So families like the obvious one in the four. And then fitness is a little bit more personal to me. Obviously as a strength and conditioning coach, fitness falls into my wheelhouse. But I was talking to guys who, one, were trying to be

actively involved in their kids' lives, which requires a level of, because if you go out and work an eight to 10 hour shift, you come home at the end of the day, kids don't care about that. You went to that job because you wanted to, but you're here now, sir. We're about to go outside and play. We're to go play a game of 21. And if you lose, we're playing again. we're, you know, like, you got to have the energy to play with your kids. Not only that, but fitness in the sense that I really enjoy fatherhood.

Robert (16:01)
Yep.

Rod Richard (16:19)
I wanna be a father for as long as I can. I've always said that when I, not always, but when I became a father, I wanna be like that grandfather at Christmas where all the little ones are sitting around me and we're having this conversation about when I used to walk up the hill in snow, five miles both ways. I wanna be a father for as long as I can. And really the only way for me to do that is to take care of myself, to be physically fit, to be mentally fit, to be emotionally fit.

Robert (16:33)
Yep.

Rod Richard (16:48)
those things are gonna be necessary for me to lead my family and to be here for my family. Like I think if we only lean on protection and provision, when your body breaks down, you can't protect anybody, right? You're just not physically capable, right? Your body breaks down, you're not gonna be able to go to work and provide in the same way that you want to provide. So I think we say those two things a lot, but if we don't take care of our body and take care of like the man at the center of it all, then we end up in a situation where we can't do the things that we want to do.

Robert (17:00)
Right.

Rod Richard (17:17)
So fitness has to be one of them. And again, it kept coming up in conversation and I'm not talking to like, some of the guys I'm talking to are like, know, professional athletes and guys that I know like they, and so just kind of the nature of the people I know, they're kind of naturally into fitness, but not everybody, right? Not everybody, everybody. There's some regular guys that were sprinkled in there too. And those regular guys are like, yeah, man, I, you know, I get up in the morning and I go work out and.

Robert (17:32)
Right.

Rod Richard (17:41)
You know, so I have some time for me so that I can take care of myself and make sure that I'm present for my family the rest of the day. It sets the tone. And that just kind of fell into it. So those are the four things that I settled on and kind of continue to not preach, but lean into.

Robert (17:58)
No, I love it. And you know, I think fitness is so important. And for me,

Physical fitness kind of goes hand in hand with mental fitness too. Cause it, you know, I go to the gym probably minimum four to five times a week. I'm there and it is just as much of a mental therapy session for me, that release going there, whether it's gaining clarity, getting the stress of the day, you know, out of my head, working that out.

I totally, I think fitness is so important with that. And look, and I'm an older dad and my oldest son's a linebacker and he's in high school, plays high school football. And I'm older dad and going out buying, you know, these pads and teaching him how to, you know, buying these blocking pads, teaching them how to, or helping him working on how to shed blocks, you know, and I'm getting popped in the face, know, throat chopped.

Rod Richard (18:57)
Yeah.

Robert (18:58)
you know, blown backwards because he's a bigger kid. I'm at the end, he's well constantly he's checking dad. You okay? You okay? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Every bone in my body is hurting man. And then the, know, I'm getting knocked down and everything else telling him he's got to go harder and just trying to get the most out of him. And the next day I am sore everywhere and I still keeping, you know, pretty good shape. But, you know, I just don't want to, I don't want to be one of those old dads.

Rod Richard (19:10)
You

Robert (19:27)
But I think, think, you know, I think it's so important too, in the fact of like this past weekend, I think it was, it was Saturday. We were in between college, watching college football games and we were sitting or finished watching one game and I'm like, all right, what do you guys want to do? And they kind of looked at each other. They both had their pads near the, you know, their iPads near them. Both like, you want to go to the gym and work out?

Yeah, yeah, it's great. mean, they easily, like so many kids easily, it could have been like, you know, hey, can we play on the Xbox or I'm just going to get on my screen. But, you know, they want to do that. there's, you know, part of that is they see it, you lead by example, right? But now they've gotten to the point where they enjoy going as well. They see the benefits of that. They definitely do. But I think that's so important.

Rod Richard (19:58)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Robert (20:26)
Growing up, did you have a strong spiritual background?

Rod Richard (20:31)
Yeah, yeah, so my mom is, she's a holy roller. Like she is 100%. So when I was younger, we lived in a, I don't know, maybe by design and also because of who she is, but we lived in a pretty rough neighborhood. So when my mom and dad split up and she married my stepdad, we moved into a pretty rough neighborhood in our city. And she wouldn't let me go outside.

I got to play with the kids in neighborhood a little bit, it was often some trouble going on. It was fights and things that would happen. And so eventually she was like, you can't go outside no more. The guys in the neighborhood who were my friends were up to no good mostly. I managed to stay out of it, but she was like, eventually they're gonna catch up to you. There's just no way around it, right? So I went to church with her and we went to church like every day.

Robert (21:04)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (21:24)
every day. was something every day. know Sunday is the obvious one right? Sunday is the obvious one right? But then you got your Bible study, you got your Deacon Board meeting, you got your ushers meeting, you got we would go to intercessory prayer, we would go to choir rehearsals, we would go and help clean up the church. Like we would just be there every day. I felt like every day. Like if I didn't have something I had to do, like I play football and baseball,

Robert (21:27)
Every day? Yeah.

Wednesday nights probably. Yeah.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (21:52)
If I didn't have practice, I was at church or then we were at home and eating dinner, it was time to go to bed. Like she kept me occupied in church. And so because of that and because of who she was, I was a church kid. Like I was constantly in the Bible constantly. She made me, I forgot how old I was. She made me do it twice. The second time wasn't that bad. The first time I was like, She made me read the Bible cover to cover. first, when I was like, I want to say I was like 10, 10 or 11.

And we had our own home Bible study and we had to like every night it was like, okay, we're gonna read these scriptures and we're gonna talk about it and then, you you're gonna write some notes on it. Tomorrow we'll come back, we'll read the next one. We went cover to cover starting Old Testament all the way through. The second time we did it, we started the New Testament and then went backwards to the Old Testament. But, and then she left me alone after that, but.

But I just remember her kind of leaning into that and that, and she's still very, very religious, still heavily into church. I'm not as much now because of my, and I'm blaming my daughters. I don't go to church as much. I'm still very, very, very faith-based and very tied to my Christian faith. But because they both play softball, they have practices and games and tournaments like every weekend. I get my,

Robert (22:47)
Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Rod Richard (23:17)
I get my spiritual nourishment through YouTube or through listening to various podcasts or I'll listen to some gospel. Or if I call my mom, she's got a message for me no matter when I talk to her. God has told her something that she's supposed to tell me.

Robert (23:33)
Yeah, it's still not the same. It's still not the same of going in there, you know, in that church and just experience it. But that's wonderful. I was wondering, I knew you had to have a pretty strong faith-based upbringing just from who you are and, you know, kind of the morals, values. you know, you could tell it was definitely a big part of your life.

Rod Richard (23:43)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Robert (24:01)
You could have grown up a lot worse. mean, I know at times as a kid that probably wasn't the place you wanted to be, but could have been a lot worse and different outcome as well.

Rod Richard (24:09)
Yeah, no, for sure, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, no, I thank her for it because...

Robert (24:15)
So let me ask you this to.

Go ahead.

Rod Richard (24:17)
Because like you said, life could be completely different, right? In the moments and back then, I wish I could have went out and played with my friends or whatever, but I knew they were up to no good. I knew things were happening that shouldn't have been happening. I was hood adjacent, you know what I mean? I was close enough to know what they were doing, but far enough away to not get into trouble. And so sometimes I resented it, but I tell her all the time, I completely...

Robert (24:37)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (24:45)
indebted for and to her for her making sure that I didn't get involved and some of the stuff that guys that I a lot of guys that I were my friends at that time are no longer here whether they're incarcerated or or you know they've had you know they've deceased at some point that is just so again there are much worse places I could have been then then you know Deacon's meeting

Robert (25:10)
No, that's true. That's true. you also mentor young men as well, correct? I mean, that's basically you mentor and coach. It's not just you, you know, working in a charter school, helping kids out to make sure they go on to college. I mean, you also mentor and kind of coach them as well, correct?

Rod Richard (25:18)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Correct, correct, yep. Yeah, I, I, I.

Robert (25:35)
Yeah.

Go ahead, was just gonna have you tell me more about that.

Rod Richard (25:40)
Yeah, so I, I,

I was gonna say I got into that or leaned into that a little bit more as my own children got older. And it was because, kind of short story, kind of background story of how I kind of got into coaching. So 2020, obviously pandemic, everybody's kind of going through what they're going through, right? Up to that point, was working at the gym that I mentioned, the big gym in Southern California. And it wasn't until...

Robert (26:11)
Mm-hmm.

Rod Richard (26:12)
the pandemic and the gyms got shut down, that I really had time for the first time in almost a decade to like just sit still because I was working 12 hours a day, right? And while I was, know, fatherhood is my purpose. So was still very intentional about the time that I had with my family. I just didn't realize how much time I really wasn't there. And then, you know, we're having dinner one night randomly on a Tuesday, cause all my gyms are closed. So I can't go anywhere.

And my youngest daughter asked me why I was there. And I couldn't, like it crushed me. Like, what do mean why? I live here, but in her lifetime, I had never eaten dinner at home during the week. Like I just was always at work. And you know, the only time I got to see them during the week was like taking them to school or picking them up from school. And then that was it. And so, you the weekends we did all kinds of stuff together, but during the week she was like, dude, I don't know you, what you doing here?

And so that kind of made me refocus on my true purpose, which was my family. In doing so, I realized that I wasn't the only one that was struggling with work-life balance or struggling with being present and available for your family in the way that you want to be. I wasn't the only one who had the experience of not knowing how to be a father and having to figure it out on his own. And so I started...

it kind of started locally, just some guys that I knew, we started kind of having like little meetings where we talked about fatherhood and things that were going on for them. And as the social media thing started to take off, guys started reaching out to me about it. And I was just happy to share, just happy to have conversations. But then it kind of took on a life of its own where it was like, it was more of people asking me than me just giving out information.

Robert (27:57)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (28:08)
And so I ran with it. I just kind of felt that as an opportunity. As much as fatherhood to my family is my purpose, helping other fathers be great fathers is also an arm or a branch of that purpose.

Robert (28:09)
Right.

Yes, is right. That is so true. That's beautiful and so very true. I mean, I do think we need to be there with each other for each other. And, that's one of the things I've noticed through this podcast and different ones that one that I've had on, but then also that have reached out as well as, you know, just the issues they're going through,

even though we have social media, we have text, we have all these things. I feel like it's something we're really missing today. I know I've talked about it in the past. I feel like guys just don't get together as much anymore. know, we just, they don't get together, whether it's to sit around and watch the ball game or, you know, watch boxing or.

play cards, whatever it is, just to hang out and kind of go through life. And I think part of that, we miss that guidance. also miss, at least in my world and some of the ones I'm talking to, you miss that guidance and you also miss that, I guess you'd say accountability. You know, where you can hold each other accountable, whether it's being a great dad, being a great husband, you know, a great person.

Rod Richard (29:23)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (29:36)
you know, whatever and just to receive that feedback from other from other guys that are along that same walk or maybe that have walked it a little bit earlier than you.

Rod Richard (29:46)
Yeah, think I can't, can't, I don't remember the exact statistics, but I feel like, I wanna say it was like 10 years ago. It may not even been that long ago. Probably like five years ago. just, it should be 10 years ago in terms of what I'm about to say. So maybe, maybe five to 10 years ago, it was kind of reported that the average man has three friends, right? Like three people that he acts, not people he works with, or people he knows, the guy he sees at the gym and says what's up to, like actual friends that he would like.

If something were to go on, he would depend on them to take care of his family, those kinds of friends. I just saw, and this was this summer, another similar study to say that the average guy has one and a half friends now. In less than five to 10 years, we've lost a complete friend and a half. And most guys are going through life alone without any real connections.

Robert (30:33)
Wow.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (30:43)
Most guys will say, if he has a guy who's best friend is, a lot of guys are gonna say his wife, right? Like my wife's my best friend, you know? And that is what it is. And my wife's my best friend, but I also have guy friends that are, know, that I would, if something happened, I would depend on them to take care of my family. And I don't know what's going on in society that's kind of trending away from guys being around other guys, but I do think it's essential. It's necessary.

Robert (31:00)
Right.

Rod Richard (31:12)
the accountability piece, the two heads are better than one. Like I can come to you and I can share what's going on with me. And maybe you have had a similar experience or at least you have a different perspective and you can help me figure it out. If I need to move, right? Like I got a refrigerator that I gotta move. I can do it by myself, but you know, like even would you come help me out? You get the dolly, we'll tip it up, you know? Like we need to have that kind of stuff. And that's just on a very low level.

Robert (31:32)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (31:41)
I think humans need other humans for survival. Men need other men. Iron sharpens iron. But if there's no other iron, then you don't get sharp. And we don't have that in the way that we used to. Even when I was, because I'm not old, but I'm not young either. So even when I was younger, there was bigger groups of dudes that used to hang out together. Even now, I think about the guys who are my friends.

Robert (31:46)
yeah.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (32:10)
Other than the ones who've become my friends because of my daughters and kind of like that kind of group of friends, which I think is closer to me now. I've got guys or like pockets of friends that like from high school that I still talk to. I have, you know, friends from college that I play football with. I have friends that like, you know, at a previous job that we worked together and we formed this type. Like I have these groups, these communities of guys that I'm involved in that helped me continue to be a better version of me.

Robert (32:26)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (32:39)
because they're on a similar path. Like we can have conversation that helps build us all up.

Robert (32:46)
Yeah, you know, I think that COVID did a number on us. When you were saying that, I was thinking back and look, I'm guilty of it as well. I'm guilty of not getting together with the guys as much. you know, I thinking about the other night watching a ball game and texting a buddy of mine during the game and giving him grief about it and everything else. And, you know, he's one of the guys I'd normally watch a game with.

And we would find a reason to get together to go watch Monday Night Football. not that you really need a reason to go do that, but it was just that time. Now I was thinking that we haven't done that since.

pre or since the yeah, since pre COVID and it just got easier. We got lazier. Now we still you know, we still hang out some but you know that regular Monday night football. We just don't do it and I don't think I'm alone with that and you know, you miss that as guys. I agree man. I you know, you need other guys iron sharpens iron and

Rod Richard (33:35)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (33:52)
I think that's something that us as men, we really need to make a better effort on bringing that back, getting that together.

Rod Richard (34:01)
Yeah.

Robert (34:02)
I do think that's something that we miss so bad. Hey, let me ask you this. So when you're working with these guys, are there...

Are there like certain challenges they face? Like, what are some of the common challenges that you see guys facing today?

Rod Richard (34:18)
I think I mentioned work-life balance, which I think is kind of a myth to some degree. I don't think the two balance because when we talk about balance, we're talking about making them equal. I don't think that's a reality. I don't think you make work and life because work and life are kind of, they cross over. So it's hard to make them equal. The other part of that is where do you place your value, right? Like.

I always say, if we're talking about balance, a pound of feathers and a pound of gold, both of them weigh a pound, but one has more value, right? And so if we're trying to balance the two, we're gonna need a whole lot more feathers to equal a pound of gold, right? And so that pound of gold is like your family time. So you're not gonna get, most of us are not gonna get eight to 10 hours of family time, but we are gonna get eight to 10 hours of work time. And that just is what it is. So when we get those two to four hours of family time,

Robert (34:52)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (35:13)
we've got to make sure that we treat it with the value it deserves. I think that kind of coupled with feeling like they're out of control, feeling like they're not enough, feelings of insecurity or doubt. A lot of guys didn't have fathers or fathers present in a way that taught them how to be a father.

Like I said, my dad is in my life and he was very much in my life when my daughters were born, but we never had like a fatherhood conversation. Like this is what it's be like to be a father. And he told me some fatherhood stuff. He was just like being my dad and hopefully I picked some stuff up. You know what I mean? So a lot of guys come into fatherhood with really no idea other than like, I need to keep this baby alive. And whatever that means is whatever that means. And so there's a lot of just,

Robert (36:01)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (36:06)
I would say self doubt, a lot of just not being sure of what to do or how to do it. And really honestly, is just conversation about who you are and who you want to be, right? Getting clear on your identity, getting clear on what your actual values are for your family, getting clear on what your vision is, right? We talk about a GPS system, right? A GPS, you put

Robert (36:11)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (36:35)
the GPS system knows where you're at, right? You have to put in your destination and then it gives you a route to get there. So we have to get clear on what our destination is. When we say we wanna be a good father, what does that mean? And I talked about earlier, your success as a father is determined by the success of your children. So let's say, okay, my child is gonna be X, Y, and Z at this time, so how do we get there? So now we know where we're at right now, we know where we wanna go, we work a path to get there.

Robert (36:43)
Hmm.

Rod Richard (37:05)
and understanding that along the way there are gonna be struggles. There are gonna be ups and downs. But just like the GPS system, right? If you come across construction, it doesn't tell you to go back home. It gives you a route around the construction, right? Sometimes it doesn't reroute you. Sometimes it'll tell you, hey, look, this is the only way. Like you gotta go through it. You're gonna be in traffic for 15 minutes. Like it just is what it is. And I think a lot of times we're so...

Robert (37:19)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Rod Richard (37:30)
because of the way society is and it's kind of like microwave idea where everything has to happen fast or has to happen friction free, we'd rather just let stuff happen to us than to take control over the situation and face up against our fears and just go head first through it. We'd rather not quit, but we'd rather give up on an idea or a dream and just say, it wasn't for us. And my job as a coach is to see in...

in you more than you see in yourself and help you see it. Right, because you know they say standing on the shoulders of a giant you can see further. I'm not a giant, but I'll prop you up so you can see where you need to go. You know, when you're starting to fall down, I'm just gonna give you a little shove, like hey, remember who you said you wanted to be. Remember the identity that you said, the father that you wanted to be? Get back up there, all right, keep going. And that's kind of.

Robert (38:11)
Yep.

Rod Richard (38:26)
kind of what we work on and some of the more common things that they come across. Obviously there's these one-offs and things that happen. Relationship stuff, you're talking about being married or being with the mother of your child. I think that stuff comes up a lot. Navigating the separation, that comes up a lot. Unfortunately, the way relationships work and they aren't as successful. I mean, I guess they're just as successful as they're unsuccessful if we're talking about 50-50.

or 51, 49, whatever the percentage is now. But I think that's something we know kind of going into it. All right, like we know the statistics going into these long-term relationships. And so how do you be on one side versus the other? And understand that you may do everything exactly the way you're supposed to, and it still may not work out, but that's life and that's how it goes. And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do the things that you know you should do.

Robert (39:02)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (39:20)
you should still do them because you are who you are regardless of who anybody else is.

Robert (39:24)
I love that. I love that setting the destination first and kind of working back from there. You are a natural coach. I can see that and could, you know, probably taking that from your strength and conditioning days as well. You know, somebody coming into you and wanting to squat 500 pounds or whatever it may be and, okay, but let's work back. That's the goal. We got to get to that point. And you're doing, you're approaching the same thing with fatherhood. I mean, it's a...

Rod Richard (39:29)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Robert (39:53)
It's, you know, and I love that with the obstacles. mean, sometimes you can go around it. Sometimes you've got to sit in it and work your way through it. And it's great what you're doing with that really is. Hey, let me ask you The state of fatherhood today, if you're to look at it from a macro sense, how would you describe it?

Rod Richard (40:13)
see that it's interesting, right? Because I think because of where I'm at, right? And what I do, if I look at like social media and all like, and you can pick one, right? Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, whatever, right? Just because of the space that I'm in and the stuff that I post, the content that I look at, I would say because of the stuff I'm looking at like.

Robert (40:30)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (40:39)
fatherhood is going in the right direction, right? And that's just because the algorithm is showing me the stuff that I'm also posting, right? The stuff that I'm putting out there. But then I have to be realistic in the sense that because if I see that and that's what's being shown to me, I know there's always another side to the coin, right? Like if I'm constantly seeing, you know, all of these good things about fatherhood, because I believe it, right? are, fatherhood,

Robert (40:44)
Right.

Rod Richard (41:07)
Being a father, there's no replacing it. There's no replacing the necessity of a father in a person's life. But because that's true, I know that there's another side to it. I know that there are people that aren't getting to have a father in their life. There are fathers or men who are not showing up in the way that they need to show up. So while I think that there is good conversation and I think there are things that are happening in the right direction, I don't know if it's moving the needle enough. I think...

Robert (41:11)
Right.

Rod Richard (41:34)
we had a big, swings in the way that society has kind of valued men and leadership. And maybe rightfully so, I don't know. I haven't been around long enough to say whether it's right or wrong. But I do think we had a period of time where men were stoic and not involved and unemotional and like not emotionally available and they just provided and protected and they went out and worked and they came home and that was their responsibility. And I think we had now this big swing in the opposite direction where guys are like, yo, I want to do more than that.

Like, hey, I'll be a stay at home dad. And I'm not gonna work, she's gonna work and I'm stay home and take it. So I can't say whether one is right or wrong. think the truth, and my coach used to tell me this all the time. It's like, it's never as bad as you think it is. It's never as good as you think it is. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, right? You didn't have as great a game as you think you did because we're gonna watch this film. And after the film, it's not as bad as I made it seem. The truth is really in the middle. And so I think fatherhood is in the right.

Robert (42:18)
Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Rod Richard (42:32)
in the right place right now. But I don't think it's perfect. And there's always room for improvement. I think we continue to get better as long as things like this exist, conversations between two dads that are shared with other dads. I think as long as we continue to infect the guys that are in our community, as we continue to do our part in our household.

Robert (42:47)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (43:00)
and then take a step outside of our front door and do the same thing in our community, then it goes to our city, to our county, to our state, our country, you know what mean? It continues to have these ripple effects. But I don't think it's something that we're gonna see change dramatically and be like, fatherhood is great. I just don't think it is that way. There's gonna be good and bad no matter what. But I think there is more information out there than it was when I became a father. And I think that.

Robert (43:10)
Yeah.

Rod Richard (43:29)
lends towards better fatherhood.

Robert (43:32)
Yeah, and you see people gravitating towards that too, that you see other dads gravitating towards it. And I've just I've wondered that and I've wondered if it's because of the algorithm as well. You know, I felt like several years ago, fatherhood was just in such a poor state and the value how society valued fathers was just so discounted, such in a poor state.

I do, and again, could be because the algorithm, but I do feel like.

I don't know, maybe it's just me being optimistic, but I do feel like there's been somewhat of a resurgence among dads of fathers of wanting to get better and how can I get better and of valuing their role, know, valuing their role in their family, valuing their role in society. I do feel that way, you know, and again, maybe it's just me being optimistic.

Rod Richard (44:20)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (44:33)
But I do feel like there's somewhat of a resurgence with that.

Rod Richard (44:36)
Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. Because like I say, don't when I started on this this journey, there wasn't the level of information out there that there is now. There definitely wasn't a bunch of podcasts that were dedicated to fatherhood. It was like it would be somebody talking about business. And then, you know, he mentioned his son in the conversation. You know, that was the extent of fatherhood. You know, there wasn't these there wasn't movies about what you know, what's funny, though. Now that I look back at stuff.

Robert (44:57)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rod Richard (45:05)
there was always kind of like these through lines of like how important the father, like Lion King, for example, is a story of fatherhood. Like there's all these things, but I don't know that it was given to us in that way. You know what I mean? Like I don't know if it was packaged in the sense that like fatherhood is important. It was just like a young boys or young lions quest to become king. You know what I mean? Like, so we saw it as an inspirational story to.

Robert (45:13)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Rod Richard (45:32)
to be successful, but in reality it was about fatherhood and father and son's love. I think the more that I get into it, the more I see fatherhood in everything. So that might be my own rose colored glasses, if you will. But I think it's kind of been there, not suppressed, but we just didn't pay attention to it. And I think now people are starting to be like, yo you see how things are going? We need fathers.

Look at the statistics. Like if we don't have fathers in our lives, this is what happens. And men are starting to go, okay, well, I know how important it is for me to be a father or to have had a father or to have had a father figure. So I'm gonna step up in a way that I need to step up.

Robert (46:03)
Yeah. Yup.

Yep, yep, yep. I agree. And I do think that's a big part of it. I think guys have started to look and see what's going on in society and like, what is the common denominator there? There's no father or very little father involvement. went back, kind of a long story, but I did a deep dive one weekend for whatever bizarre reason and went into all these school shootings and the mass shootings that I could find.

trying to find a common denominator there. And it was the vast, vast majority had very little father involvement or no father figure whatsoever involved in their life. And that didn't matter the race. It didn't matter at all. There was just, you know, there was no dad there. That's telling, you know, that's telling. And I think, I do think

men are I hope to think, I think that men are kind of seeing that and like, hey, we need, you know, we need to change things. We need to up our role. And my hope is that men will also embrace not necessarily being a father to other kids that don't have a father, but at least being a role model, whether that's through volunteering as a coach, you know, whatever it may be as well.

Hey, so let me ask you this again. I love what you're doing faith family finance and fitness advice for dads. I mean you have so much if you were to kind of Boil that down. What advice could you leave?

Rod Richard (47:59)
I think the very... Yes sir. Okay.

Robert (48:01)
I'm a new dad. Let's do it this way. Let's do it this way, Rod. I'm a new dad. I'm coming to you. And I'm like, Rod, I am scared. What can I do? And we're in an elevator.

We're never going to see each other again. Like, I am worried about being a dad. What are you going to tell me?

Rod Richard (48:20)
First thing I would say is the fact that you're worried lets me know that you care. Because if you weren't afraid or if you didn't have fear, if you didn't have worry, I would be concerned, right? Because either you have a false sense of your ability to handle this or you just don't care, right? So the fact that you have fear lets me know that you care. And so this next thing is gonna be really important.

Just be present. You're not required to be perfect. You're not required to have all the answers. Matter of fact, you're not going to have all the answers. You're not going to be perfect. There are gonna be days where you're like, look, I give up. Just whatever happens today happens. But the reality is is that that child was selected for you. You were selected for that child. You are the perfect father for that child.

in all of your flaws and all of your insecurities and all of your wrongs, you are exactly who that child needs to be in their life. Now that doesn't mean that you shouldn't work to be a better version of yourself because you need to be a better you for you and for them. But you are on a mission, you are on a journey, you are on an adventure, and every part of it is worth being present for, good and bad.

There are gonna be times to celebrate, there are be times to cry, and you need to embrace and lean into both of them.

Robert (49:46)
I love it. I love it. And man, I tell you what, just the different ones I've had on that being present is something you continue to hear over and over and over again, being present. I absolutely love that. I love it. Rod, I appreciate you coming on. How can people find you? You've got a podcast, you've got an Instagram page. I'm sure there's dads out there that are like, man, I need this guy in my life. I need him to help me. How can people find you?

Rod Richard (50:14)
The easiest way and probably where I'm most active is Instagram. So it's 4 fit fatherhood, the number 4 fit fatherhood. So all one word, no underscores, no periods. I was lucky enough to get on that one early. You can reach out, if you want to like, you you can send me a DM there. Obviously, I get a lot of DMs. I try to answer them. It's still me. I don't have a bot. I'm still like actively.

checking, So if you reach out that way and I don't get back to you soon enough, you can email me. It's the same thing as 4fitfatherhood at gmail.com. If you want to listen to the podcast, it's the 4fit Fatherhood podcast. It's www.4fitfatherhood.com. I really try to keep it simple. I know we have a lot to think about as fathers. We have a lot of things that are going through our heads.

4fit Fatherhood is the easiest way. You type it in anywhere. If you put it all as one word, you're gonna find me. And I will, like I said, it's still me. I'm still actively answering questions and reaching out and all that. if you wanna get in touch with me, that was the best way to do it.

Robert (51:24)
Rod, I appreciate it. Did we miss anything?

Rod Richard (51:27)
No, man. No, I mean, we could probably talk about fatherhood for another, we could probably keep this going for, you know.

Robert (51:33)
You could talk about that for eight hours, couldn't you? And I love it. I love it. No, we could, we could. We definitely could. Look, all right. So Rod Richard or Rod Richard for those in Louisiana. But look, I appreciate you coming on. I definitely appreciate you taking time out and I highly recommend that people follow you on Instagram and I love what you're doing. I mean, seriously.

enjoy talking to you and you're true, man. You're a pure guy and you're not just putting it out there. You mean it, you feel it, and you want to help others. I so much appreciate that. You can tell just by talking to you. I appreciate all that you're doing.

Rod Richard (52:20)
Yeah, well, thank you. appreciate you having me. I appreciate what you're doing as well. I think everyone that is in this fatherhood space that is continuing to move the needle, to share messages, to have conversations, I think it's all very, very much needed because somebody's gonna hear this and it's gonna change the trajectory of their family.

Robert (52:22)
So thank you for coming on, Rod.

Rod Richard (52:47)
and they're gonna become a better man, husband or father because of it. And that's what it's all for. It doesn't have to be some miraculous thing. If it touches one, then it's more than enough.

Robert (52:57)
I agree. I definitely agree. definitely agree. Rod, thank you again. Hey, and thank you all for listening to Dad to Dad's podcast. You can find us on Spotify or Apple podcast, as well as on Instagram and YouTube. Don't forget to hit the like and subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes. And feel free to leave a comment as well. I read all the comments. I appreciate the comments. And whether it's through suggestions or things you want me to touch on.

Love reading those. So again, thank you all for listening and we'll talk to you next time.