Guide to Independence: Lessons For Young Adults with Rob Finlay

Entrepreneur and Best Selling Author, Rob Finlay discusses his book 'Hey Dad...Everything You Should've Learned About Life (But Didn't)', which serves as a heartfelt guide for young adults transitioning into independence. He shares personal anecdotes about parenting, the lessons learned from his own children, and the importance of equipping them with essential life skills. The discussion emphasizes the significance of allowing children to experience failure, the role of parents in fostering independence, and the value of teaching practical skills. Rob also highlights the need for parents to be present and involved in their children's lives, ensuring they grow into compassionate and capable adults.

Takeaways

• Teaching life skills is crucial for independence.
• Parents should allow their children to experience failure.
• Engaging with adults helps children develop social skills.
• The importance of budgeting and financial literacy is emphasized.
• Parents should focus on raising decent human beings.

How to find Rob Finlay and order his latest book 

www.robfinlay.com

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/robjfinlay/

Dad to Dads Podcast on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dadtodads/

Transcript

Robert (00:00)
Rob Finlay. Welcome to the podcast.

Rob Finlay (00:02)
thanks, Robert. Thanks so much for having me.

Robert (00:04)
Man, I tell you what, I really appreciate your publicist sending me an advanced copy of your book. Hey dad, everything you should have learned about life, but didn't really appreciate it. just wanted, wanted to have you on and really talk through that. First thing, what, what made you write that book? Like was, you know, what's behind that?

Rob Finlay (00:28)
Yeah, well, I mean, there's a couple of things. One, obviously there's 28 years of being a father and having four kids go through this adulting phase. But actually the actual, the tipping point was, imagine this, in the middle of the night, I'm sound asleep and I get the phone rings. And as any parent can relate, the midnight or late night phone call is something that we all dread. So of course I'm like,

panicked, you my heart's racing. I'm like, oh my gosh, what's wrong? And of course, you know, it's one of my daughters. I'm like, what's wrong? She's like, um, Hey dad, can I put the green gas in my Jeep? I'm like, okay, get back to reality. Let the heart rate come down a little bit. I'm like, what? She's like, can I put the green gas in my Jeep?

I was like, are you talking about diesel? Are you trying to see if you can put diesel in your gas cheap? She's like, yeah, whatever. Yes, can I? And like, she was rough, like I'm taking her time. And so I was like, no, sweetheart, you may not put diesel in your gas. We hung up. And at that point, I thought, was like, geez, you know what? What have I done wrong? Have I not taught my kids enough to become dependent adults?

Robert (01:29)
Ugh.

Rob Finlay (01:47)
and talking with other parents, they sort of came up with the same thing. They're like, oh yeah, well, I get those all the time. I get those all the time and I've got three adult kids and they do this. And then finally my wife, after that call, she rolled over and she said, you know what you should do? You enjoy writing books. Why don't you write a book on all this stuff like, hey, dad, you know, just like all these questions that you get. So I was like, you know, it's actually not a bad idea. And so starting the next day, I went out and I said, you know what? I'm gonna write this book.

But knowing that my kids don't really listen to me as much, I went out and I interviewed 30 experts in all sorts of things. It was so much fun. So I interviewed a professional NASCAR driver. A guy won the Daytona 500 in other races. He and his crew chief on maintaining a car. I interviewed experts on buying cars. A gentleman who has been a car salesman for 40 years.

IRS people, tax people, financial people, bank people, everything in between just so I could get a foundation of knowledge for a book. And so that was sort of the long answer of that is it was just a bunch of stuff. I enjoyed doing it. It was really meant to be more of a heartfelt sort of gift to my kids and other young adults.

Robert (03:05)
Yeah. I mean, you, you cover it, get a plan, get a job, start a business, how to handle and grow money, manners and etiquette, to traveling and even an, crap section. mean, you definitely, you definitely cover it in there. Tell me this though. you mentioned you have a daughter. How many kids do you have and what age is

Rob Finlay (03:26)
So

I have four kids, one boy, three girls. And so they range in age from 20 to 28. Yeah, and everything in between. So one's still in college, then three are out in the world. And so for the past several years, I've had nothing but, dad. And it really starts early on. But the questions, it's interesting because they evolve over time, but they're repetitive.

Robert (03:34)
Okay.

Rob Finlay (03:55)
So I know that if I've answered these questions for one of them, I'm gonna get the same questions on the next one going forward. it's, you know, life changes pretty quickly. And I think it's important to give our young adults the confidence to sort of push out, go on their own.

Robert (04:12)
Yeah. So who is the book for? mean, it's when you were writing this book, who in mind is it for?

Rob Finlay (04:19)
So it started out and it was gonna be sort of like this little handbook for young adults, right? It's simple, easy read. As you said, you read it and it's a very simple, easy read. It's not preachy, it's not blame. But as I've started talking about it more and people have been reading it and looking at it, they've started, the audience has expanded. And quite frankly, as I said, I interviewed 30 experts. Adulting is something that we do forever.

And I'm actually learning stuff. I learned stuff that I didn't know. know, and I thought, or maybe I thought I knew, but didn't really. So it's really for anybody who wants to get a good foundation on maybe things that they should know, things that they probably thought they knew, but maybe they didn't. And ultimately, and last but not least, it's a great gift for any person who's going through a life transition, whether or not they're graduating from high school, graduating from college.

It's just a nice gift. It's something that's a little bit more heartfelt.

Robert (05:18)
reading through it, there were a lot of things in there were like, I need to touch on this with my sons. that's, that's great advice there. I haven't done that yet. You know, I, I lost my dad when I was 10. So while I did have other male role models in my life, I didn't have a father that, up until 10, I mean, he was extremely involved, taught me a lot, but there were other things in life that

did not, you know, and this is prior to the internet. So you couldn't pull up. How do I go and buy my first car? What should I, you know, would you cover that in there? you know, what, what should I be concerned about? You know, so a lot of things, a lot of things in your book resonate with me. You know, it's funny talking about the car. you talked about how you had a, I think a Z 28 at one time and, and I, gosh, during college, I bought myself a,

Pretty fancy car as well. Great deal on a great price. I did think about insurance. Um, but I didn't think about the cost of tires and you know, I just thought tires were 40, $45. Well, no, for this car, there were especially, you know, there were, there was at the time there was only one brand that was covering the size of tires. And, and it was, think.

Rob Finlay (06:22)
yeah.

Robert (06:42)
$280 per tire. And so what I was thinking I would probably spend for, you know, four tires. was having, I was having that was just the cost of one of them. And so I love your book. How it really goes, goes through that. it's, know, as I'm, as I'm reading it, I actually have a, uh, a pad next to it of thing is like, Oh, I need to make sure I cover this with the boys. I need to make sure I cover that. And, uh,

I absolutely love it. So great job with it.

Rob Finlay (07:10)
Well, thanks. Well, yeah, you know, it's funny. Burnouts are less cool when you have to pay for the tires, right? It's like, yeah. I I had that IROCZ and I thought I was the coolest kid in town, but boy, yeah, you pull those tires and you're absolutely right. I mean, just the cost of owning vehicles. And that's, you know, I think, and I appreciate you saying this, but, you know, with our kids, I think, at least for me, you know, I was very fortunate.

Robert (07:14)
Hahaha!

Rob Finlay (07:36)
You know, I was working. writing these books is a hobby for me. It's not my day job. I'm not a speaker. I run businesses and this was really sort of just a fun passion project for me. it was, going through this, I look at this as almost like our kids are almost on, you know, you go to the airport and they have these things. I think they call them like the magic carpet ride where it's, you know, it's like a walking sidewalk where you step on and takes you down to your gate.

And I feel like our kids are almost on that track where they step on this magic carpet ride, they go on their ride and they go through first grade, second grade, third grade, and so on and so forth. And everything is of predetermined for them. And then all of a sudden they step off this thing and it's like, whoa, what do I do now? And it is big. I think that's one of the things. Remind me how old your kids are, Robert.

Robert (08:31)
Yeah, so I have a 16 and a 14 year old.

Rob Finlay (08:33)
Yeah. So, you know, for their 16, 14 year old lives, they've, you know, I mean, they pretty much they've, they've obviously you're a good father because you're, you're, you're working at it and paying attention to them. But, you know, there's a point where they're going to get off and, and they're going to have to realize what to do and how to do it. And I think a lot of the lessons that I try to give in the book are more foundation as opposed to, you know, how to tie, tie. You don't need to know how to tie, tie. You know, need to, you need to know when to wear a tie.

or went to look because there is the internet is a great source of finding this information. putting your kids, it's to me one of the biggest changes in my kids was when they got to this time where it was they got off this magic carpet and didn't know what to do. My daughter had just graduated from college. She had a great technical degree, great grades.

She started her college program when these computer jobs were very popular and very active. And she had already figured by the time she was freshman, she was gonna be making lots of money and there was no issue, no worry. Well, fast forward four years and all of sudden the jobs are offshore and that job isn't available. And so now she went through this horrible experience of sort of self, almost self loathing. She was like, well, I don't know what I wanna do for a job now.

I don't know where I want to go. can't get a place to live because I can't, I don't know what I want to do and I don't know what I want to do because I don't know where I want to live. And just this spiraling out of control. And so a lot of the book takes people on these foundational blocks, right? It's one, relax this job, this journey that you're taking right now as an adult. Isn't it? I mean, you're going to be taking this journey for the rest of your life. So don't panic. This one decision that you're going to make now are these multiple decisions.

will not impact you for the rest of your life. Just because you pick a job here in Des Moines, Iowa does not mean that that is going to be you for the rest of your life. So relax, embrace the journey because quite frankly, that's what it's all about. And so as they start developing that lifestyle of being able to sort of figure out what they wanna do and where they wanna go, the next is, okay, well, now you do that, now go get a job. And for a lot of kids,

Robert (10:34)
Right.

Rob Finlay (10:54)
that's not as easy as they think. It used to be summer jobs, like scooping ice cream or whatever at a popular place is great, but now all of a sudden it's okay, you've got to get a real job and you've got to learn how to get a job. And it's about networking. And kids don't necessarily like picking up the phone and talking to the people. They like texting, they like social media, but calling and reaching out and developing networking is a big challenge for kids.

As I said, all through the book, it's about these foundational blocks that make them adults and helps them go through this journey of being an adult.

Robert (11:31)
No, that's great. So let me ask you this. I'm going to step back a little bit. Tell me about you growing up. Did you have a strong, you know, father figure or somebody that really guided you?

Rob Finlay (11:45)
I did, I had a father, I still have a father, but he was an airline pilot. And so back then an airline pilot, they traveled quite a bit. And so he wasn't always there on birthdays. He wasn't there for all the sports, but every time he could, he was there and he was doing things. He was also an entrepreneur. yeah, helped me get my thing. But I think like most kids, instead of helping my dad, and my dad was one where, yeah, you're gonna change the oil, you're gonna help me.

right, because your little hands fit in places where my big hands don't. But I think as I got older, like I was like, I'm going to Jiffy Lube. I'm not going to go do the oil change myself in my suburban house. So I think my kids didn't benefit from the same sort of structure that I got from my parents.

Robert (12:30)
We see that though. You know, I see that with, I see that with my sons. I'm pretty, I try to be pretty, cognizant about it. Just, know, you want to make your life easier. You want to make your children's life easier, right? Than what you had. But I also think about, the lessons I've learned and the things I've, I learned by having to do it younger. you know, even so much as whether it's changing your tire, you know, my oldest son just got a car,

happy about it. And I'm like, okay, do you know how to change this tire? Do you change the tire on the car? I mean, I watched you do it on yours before dad. I'm like, well, you've got to figure it out on yours. Come on. And I said, and I went to him, said, your back, right tire is flat. I'm just going to stand here and watch you. And you know, in kind of, he had seen me do it twice before and letting him figure it out. And you know, there's so many little things I thought about.

Rob Finlay (13:08)
Yep. Yep.

Robert (13:27)
I know this is crazy, but I was thinking about when I was reading your book, like I've never taken my sons. And again, you might laugh at this. I've never taken my sons through the grocery store. when I'm picking out bananas, when I'm picking out produce, when I'm picking out meat, why am I selecting, you know, this pack of hamburger meat versus this other pack of hamburger meat? You know, what am I looking at with bananas, with produce? I've never done that.

And so my sons are going to hate it, but you know, the next couple of times we're, we're going to have a little, grocery store field trip, you know, all of these things that I think are so important. And you talk about jobs. We had that conversation this past weekend was, with AI And how is that changing or potentially going to change certain fields and fields that it's not going to, you know, that

I don't see that changing, you know, especially when you start going into your manual labor, whether it's roofing, plumbing, electrician, whatever that may be. but I think it's, it's a great book and really going through it, it's taken me longer to read than it should because just the fact that it's, I think very thought provoking.

Rob Finlay (14:27)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Yeah, well,

it's funny, wait until your kids have to pay for it, right? Take them grocery shopping and then make them pay for it. That's a whole different dynamic. as your kids get older and they start going out and having to buy these things, these are things that are, my kids, when they come home now and they want to come visit, they have a laundry list of all the food they want, right? It's like, and I want the big seedless grapes and I want this and I want this and I want this. I'm like, okay. And I know why you want it.

Robert (14:46)
Yeah.

Rob Finlay (15:09)
because you don't wanna go and buy it yourself when you go to your house, right? know, these are, and so having these kids understand that, but back to your point about teaching your kids and having them, you know, be part of it, I do think we do ourselves to disservice as parents to try to prevent our kids from failure, right? I mean, that's like the number one curse for all kids is like not letting them fail. And we see that quite a bit. And I see that actually.

Robert (15:11)
Right, right.

Rob Finlay (15:37)
in my job now as I've been hiring young analysts for almost 27 years now and I've seen the change right now. They are very soft. They're not used to failure. They're not used to being people with a little toughness to them but letting them fail but also letting them be part of your life a little bit more. Hey, come with me to Jiffy Lube. you don't need to do it but...

Robert (15:50)
great.

Rob Finlay (16:04)
You need to do it. You need to come, just hang out with me. Another thing that I think is really important that I try to promote is having your kids interact with adults early on. Having verbal conversation. Being able to understand what is it like to be in a room with an adult? Because one, they're gonna learn these valuable skills of things like networking and talking. Two,

they're gonna learn things that are important, like manners and etiquette, right? And I think you and I spoke about this a little while ago where we were talking about, you know what, let's just set the bar for adults, just produce a decent human, right? That's it, just let, by the time they get out of your house, just make sure they're a decent human. They're good to people, they're kind, they've got some desire to work. But yeah, these are things, but spending time with your kid and showing them this stuff is whether or not they engage or not.

I think through osmosis maybe they start to pick it up a little bit.

Robert (17:03)
love the fact with interaction with adults. I think that is so important because I see these kids, you know, my oldest son, being a sophomore and I'll meet some of his friends. And when I meet them, you know, their heads down, they won't look you in the eyes. They, when they do shake your hand, it is very limp, very soft. you know,

And it, there's an impression it leaves and you're thinking, wow, and just a few years, you're going to be out in the world. And you are, you know, these people you're meeting now, you may be interviewing in front of them one day, or you want them to open the door, you know, hopefully maybe somebody can open the door for you one day. Cause that's going back to networking. That's what it's going to be. That's what it's going to take.

Rob Finlay (17:52)
Right, well it's funny you talk about boys, right? For those of your listeners who have girls, well you know what? That boy who comes over who's going to want to date your daughter and gives a limp handshake is not gonna make it, right? mean that's like the number one rule. Right, right, right. That's like, whatever you do, do not come into this house, not look me in the eye, and give me a limp handshake. I don't care. I don't care if you're the captain of the football team.

Robert (18:05)
Right, right. That doesn't say protector or safe.

Rob Finlay (18:20)
you're not gonna do that. so, yeah, but that comes back to interactions. The more because your friends, and this is good back to that point, why it's so important to have your kids interact more with adults. And I'm not talking about being overwhelming, right? mean, we have friends of ours who, they have their son with them 24 seven. They don't, every event is with their kids, no matter what, even if it's an adult party, they bring their kid.

So I'm not saying to be like that, but as they get older, have them be introduced, have them, because your friends, I know a lot of my guy friends, if my son had a limp handshake, would correct him. And I do that with them. They expect the same, right? Your friends expect you, your network expects you to help raise your kid.

Robert (19:08)
Yeah. So let me ask you this. Your overall goal or purpose of the book is what I have something in mind when, when I read it, what, what, what, what was your purpose or your goal?

Rob Finlay (19:20)
Honestly, it was just because I wanted to give something back to my kids. was sort of a heartfelt conversation to my kids of just, hey, here's what I felt like if, as I said, my real job, well, not my real job, but my paying job is an entrepreneur. And I started a business when my kids were very young.

and I spent a lot of time building that business. And so there's probably a lot of, know, a little bit of regret or, you know, somewhat to that point, writing this book. So that's why I wrote this book, is to be heartfelt, to help young adults go through this transition.

Robert (20:04)
Yeah. You know, when going through there, going through the book,

Really, I saw it as establishing independence.

Rob Finlay (20:11)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (20:12)
I mean, I'm not saying that you read the book, everything in life is covered, but man, it really, you cover a lot in there. And that's what we want for our kids. You touched on it earlier is independence, right? I mean, we love when they call us up and they have a question, but also it's one of those things like, why did I not teach them that when they were 15 years old? Or I can't believe I've never taught them that. You know, we want them to be able to live their life, make decisions.

Rob Finlay (20:37)
Right.

Robert (20:41)
It's a great guidebook for that. I mean, it certainly is.

Rob Finlay (20:43)
Well, yeah,

well, I mean, look, I think you nailed it correctly. Look, this is a guide from going to be, from being dependent to independent, right? And I really want my children to be able to go on their own and all children, because I think selfishly from an economy and a world, a society, if our kids are staying at home, failing to launch,

Robert (20:53)
Yeah.

Rob Finlay (21:10)
because of every excuse in the world, it's too expensive and this and that and all this stuff, I'd rather have them save up money. No, that to me is not really a fair sort of thing. It's like until when? Because your son staying at home isn't gonna make a great date, right? mean, your girls aren't gonna wanna come over and your son's living in the basement, right? It's like there is a time plus they need to go. It's sort of the way things are. And I understand it is expensive out there.

I was on a show and the guys like, they were telling me, yeah, basically I'm making my kids after college stay home with me for three years so that they can save their money. I was like, whoa. I was like, but he's like, yeah, I want them to save money. It's just important. But he was saying though, he was like, well, though I'm really proud of one of my kids because they asked if they could help pay some other stuff. And I said, no, you just save money. And I'm like,

Robert (21:54)
No.

Rob Finlay (22:09)
If you're gonna help your kids and it's fine to help them, don't hear me wrong, but there's ways to do that, right? Like supplement some of their salary, but get them the hell out. They will not grow up if they're still living with mom and dad, you're not going to grow up. You're not gonna learn. You're just delaying the inevitable and probably making it harder. So.

Robert (22:23)
No. No.

Totally agree. had a, I was trying to look, had a survey, the percentage of young men, don't, I can't find it, but the percentage of young men that are in their mid to late twenties, still living at home. I was astounded. Like I was astounded. I cannot remember the percentage. It was so high. was thinking, my goodness, when I finished college, like I was.

you know, on my own during college and out and didn't go back.

can't believe the kids that want to be, you know, and especially the young men, you want that independence. And that's what we want for our kids. Hopefully get them out of the basement, get them out of their room, let them have independence. Yeah. If you need to supplement them a little bit. Okay. You know, so yeah, but, you know, ho hopefully they also have that drive behind them where they want to do it themselves. Even if that means they have some raggedy apartment.

Rob Finlay (23:12)
Yes.

Yep. Yep.

Yeah.

Robert (23:33)
for a year and, you know, hand me down furniture or furniture from Goodwill or whatever it may be that they're having to scrape by with. That's, that's what we want.

Rob Finlay (23:43)
Right.

Yeah, but I think it comes back, Robert, I think it comes back to what we were saying before. We don't really want our kids to suffer, right? And so it's like, well, I don't want them to live in that ratty apartment. I don't really want them to drive that crappy car. don't want them to, you know, but I look back at my life and I don't know about you, but I know in my life I had to budget, right? You know, and if I didn't budget, I was screwed. I was, you know, and that's what sort of the benefit is, yeah, look, you...

Robert (24:03)
Yeah.

Rob Finlay (24:12)
If everything's covered for you, you don't really know how much things cost, just like you said on your tires, right? You thought you had all the costs covered, well, until your tires. Well, first time your kid goes out on their own, they're like, wait a second, I have to pay for medical? wait, I have to pay for this? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I get my apartment and now they're charging me for my dog and my this and that and everything. And all of a sudden it becomes overwhelming. the faster you get them to understand budgeting.

You get them to understand how to look at money, how to get out of a job, how to network so you can get a better job. I think you're helping them, plus you're starting them on the journey. The first chapter is all about get up, find your purpose, and get out and go.

Robert (24:59)
get a plan.

What do you, what do you think's happened? Where, where has this shift gone? because I didn't see, you know, I don't remember the parents influence when I was young, when I was in college or out of college, you know, I mean, yeah, some of my friends, did live in a nicer place, but I didn't see them. I didn't see parents worrying as much about it. feel like parents then were, okay, yeah, you're supposed to struggle. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to fail.

And now I feel like we have this overwhelming desire to help our kids too much. Do you any idea where that, when that changed?

Rob Finlay (25:38)
I'm not sure when it changed, but I can tell you, if you look at it, if I look at parents today, the stress that they are under is overwhelming. It's not sustainable. It's incredibly unhealthy. And I'm talking about from parents and that parent, that stress from that parent is going down to the child, right? The parents worry about where their kids go to school.

The parents worry about their college grades. Their parents worry about their friends and their friends groups and if, where they're fitting in. And the parents worry about how much playing time they're getting in their sports and all of this. And that to me is all of that pressure is just too much, right? I think I told you, I was a typical young male adult. I was young, was 26 years old, had a son.

Well, for a young 26 year old male, that's a great, I have a masculine child, he's going to be a football player and he's gonna play for the New England Patriots and so on and so forth. And yet, I can tell you now, he's not a football player, right? And over time, he didn't like football. it's not up to us. The world will teach our children, our job is to help foster some of that basic, yeah, basic.

fundamentals to them. But yeah, the pressure right now, you look at these college, you look at the kids, the stress for these kids to get into college, it's just, it's unhealthy. Who cares? After your first couple of jobs, who cares? So it really is, it is not to say you shouldn't get good grades and have decisions, but I do believe that that's changing. And back to your point, young men in particular are.

the ones who are impacted the most. mean, if you look at social isolation, you look at which comes to living at home in mom and dad's basement, there's a lot of fundamentals, which is back to why I wrote this book was because our society cannot be a society or a healthy society without our young generation getting out of the house, getting into the workforce, getting into the market and becoming good citizens, good humans.

and providing, and that's what it's really all about.

Robert (27:57)
Yeah, no, I agree. All right. So let's do this. reading through your book, is there one story in there that was most frustrating? I honest outside of the, can I put the green gas in the car? Is there another one when you were like, my gosh, are you really my kid? Like, you like, like, is there one like,

Yeah. I think about it with my son, especially my oldest. I know part of it's puberty, everything else he's going through. And there's times I'm like, you're an advanced level classes. You're making all a's. Where's your brain? Like, where is it? And I know it's, you know, part of it's puberty, testosterone, everything else. But is there, is there one in the book or just one that you can think of where you're like, Oh my gosh.

Rob Finlay (28:46)
Yeah, well, there's a lot. As I said, I got almost 200 pages of stuff, and there's some great comedians who do some of this really funny stuff like funny text that they're teens send and all this stuff. So there's great content for that. But a couple of the ones I've had, are even more alarming, and it comes down to with adults knowing technology. And so,

Robert (28:48)
You

Rob Finlay (29:12)
You like, obviously, as you obviously know about Finsta accounts, like that was a new thing for me, right? Where my kids were like, you know, the stuff they were posting that I was seeing was all nice. Yeah, they're all smiling and, wow, they're going to church today. wonderful. And they're, you know, but then they have their, you know, their real Insta account that has all their bad deeds. But one of them in terms of technology is I had to argue with one of my kids that Zelle was not, or Venmo,

was not their bank account. They're like, no, no, I got Venbo. I'm like, no, no, no, no. You need to have a bank account. That's what I have, I have Venbo. I'm like, no, you have to go to a bank. I don't wanna go to a bank, because I don't wanna go talk to people and they have all these forms. I'm like, well, there's a reason for that, so that people can't steal your money, right? And you're gonna need it. I mean, those are that, it's all of that kind of stuff. And quite frankly, I would have never even thought about, you know.

Robert (29:52)
Yeah

Rob Finlay (30:11)
Venmo as being a, like they actually think this is my bank account.

Robert (30:15)
Yeah, I guess so. I don't know why they wouldn't and everything is Venmo, Venmo, Venmo. And I ended up having to, you know, I work around a lot of younger ones and whether it's through, you know, lunches, buying lunch, whatever it may be. Hey, let me Venmo you that. like, no, just give me cash. I don't have Venmo. Well, I ended up having to get a Venmo for that and that's all they do, but, that's hilarious. What about a proud dad moment where you're like,

they did listen to me

Rob Finlay (30:43)
So one of the people that I interviewed in my book is a woman who runs Greystar. And Greystar is the largest apartment owner in the world. I mean, they have like a million units. So there's most likely anybody who's lived in an apartment or is living in an apartment is probably a Greystar property. So anyways, this woman runs their...

property management side. she, everything about multi-family, this woman's been in the business for 35 years. I don't want to age her. so she was telling me the story. She's like, yeah, it was funny. was moving my daughter into an apartment down in, I think in Arizona or something. And she's moving her and her friend into an apartment. And once again, this woman knows everything about apartments. And her daughter had a question and the...

and she answered it, but her daughter's like, mom, you don't know about that. No, this place is different. You don't really know what you're talking about because it's not everything is what you know at Grey Star. Turns out it was a Grey Star property anyways. it comes back to the point where your kids typically won't listen to you. They'll listen, but are they actually listening to you or hearing what you're saying? But ultimately, sometimes it's just the validation of somebody else, which is, go back to why did I get 30 people to help?

be contributors into this book was because my kids aren't gonna listen to me about finance, but if they listen to the guy who runs family banking at JP Morgan Chase, yeah, they'll probably listen to him.

Robert (32:13)
Yeah. Or what frustrates me to no end is they'll listen to somebody on YouTube. It's like, yeah. And I'm like, well, yeah, dad, this, this guy, you know, the guy on YouTube said the same thing you did that you said four months ago. I'm like, yeah, why didn't you listen to me then? Yeah. But this guy has 20,000 subscribers. I don't care.

Rob Finlay (32:19)
yeah.

Better than TikTok, better than TikTok.

Right.

Well, at least you're being consistent. You know, I get the ones where, oh no, dad, a guy on TikTok said I don't need anything other than Venmo. I'm like, okay, sure. I'm glad you got that. Yeah, so it's better. At least you're saying what they say. But yeah, the TikTok stuff is investment advice. Dad, I already know about compounding and investing. I just go invest in this.

Robert (32:48)
Ugh.

You

Yeah, no, it's, it's, it is fun though. It's, frustrating at times and, but it, it is, it is fun. you know, and I think going back to the whole independence part and putting them out there and letting them survive on their own, is a cruel, cruel world. you know, we're, it's definitely different than when you and myself got out of school. you know, it has its own unique challenges. not saying that it was easy for us because it wasn't.

but it is, that's all we can do is just equip them the best we can, you know, provide as much information to them and just equip them in the, in the best way possible for them.

Rob Finlay (33:46)
Yeah, you're stunting

them. I mean, I don't mean to be that dramatic, but quite frankly, you're stunting them if you don't allow them to go and be independent. Yeah, they just I mean, you're just. Yeah.

Robert (33:57)
I agree. And also letting them fail. mean,

that's the biggest thing. And look, I am guilty of it at times of not wanting the boys to fail at something. But I think back to all my failures and how important it is. And there's been times when I've kind of kept them from failing or tried to find a way to bridge that. And it did nothing but hinder them.

I'm all for failing. mean, that's one of the things we'll talk about on some weekends. We'll, it might be a Friday or Saturday and I'm just like, all right, what did you guys, everybody has to say one thing or two things they failed at this week. And I remember the first time I asked that question, they were like, what? I'm like, I don't want to hear about the successes. I know, I know what you guys do with grades. I can see that I can pull that up easy on my, on my laptop. Where'd you fail?

Rob Finlay (34:42)
Yeah.

Robert (34:52)
Where did you not hit that mark? Let's talk about it. I'm going to, talk about it. I'll tell you right now and I'll tell them. And it's really, you know, okay. So why did you fail? What did you learn from your failure? Cause I

Rob Finlay (35:03)
Are they doing

things other than sports or are these things like, hey, I failed anything? Wow. That's great.

Robert (35:06)
This is, this is for anything in life. I leave it very open for

anything, anything in life. don't care if it's, you know, about a girl, if it's about, you know, friends, if it, whatever it may be, let's hear it. Let's talk about failure. And, cause I think that's so important and it's tough. It is tough to let them fail, but it's so, it's so important.

Rob Finlay (35:22)
Yep. That's great. That's great.

But

go find somebody who's incredibly successful, whether it's in sports or politicians or business people, find one person who hasn't failed. Just go, right, right, it doesn't happen because if you've never failed, how would you know what's possible? Sam Walton created Walmart, he failed multiple times. All these folks just fail, it doesn't define them. And think getting them away from that.

Robert (35:42)
numerous times, right?

Rob Finlay (36:01)
that doesn't define you, right? A failure, staying down is catastrophic, but failing, getting back up and say, hey, you know what? That's it. I learned that.

Robert (36:13)
So your book has not come out yet. When does it come out?

Rob Finlay (36:17)
So it comes out officially, it comes out on April 25th. It's available for pre-order right now. So you can go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble or any of those places. But it is available for pre-release right now.

Robert (36:33)
Okay. So they can go, excuse me, they can go on Amazon and, and order it now, or they can go, uh, through, through Barnes and Noble as well.

Rob Finlay (36:42)
Yep,

yep. Or you could go to my website, which is robfinlay.com and order it as well.

Robert (36:50)
Okay. That's, that's, that's great to know. That's, that's great to know. I think what I'm going to do is actually get a copy for each boy as well. And so the name of the book again is, Hey dad, that's right.

Rob Finlay (37:00)
hey dad.

And it looks like, like when I get the text, hey dad, dot, dot, dot. It's like something, right? So that's what it's for. I think one of the things that I encourage people to do too, especially if you're giving it as a gift, is to actually put some of your own advice in it. And I think it's a, and I really, that's sort of what I intended. I haven't really made that sort of a push, because I don't want people to feel like they have to.

Robert (37:19)
That's great.

Rob Finlay (37:27)
But when I talk to people and I do these book signings and stuff, and I'm like, you know what, put your own stuff in there, right? Just give your, you know, like I had a grandmother wanting to give it to one of her grandkids for graduation. I said, you know what, go put in, like there's some pages in the back there, just put in maybe one of your favorite recipes or make it something personal and give them some advice or just something a little bit.

to give to them just to personalize it. And that really has made it a nice thing, much more personal than just here's a book, somebody telling you things you should know.

Robert (38:00)
That is great. know, every book, I don't want to say every book, most books I read, I'm always writing in the books. I've underlined, I've highlighted and I've done that with yours. Um, but that's the, but that's, that's great advice. I've never thought about that is, um, I'll just go through and, and copy those to each of their books.

Rob Finlay (38:05)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I mean, they're, cause as I said, this book is not all encompassing, right? It would be a million pages long and it would keep on going. But things like, you know, for me, I actually wrote in my kids and one of them was not just changing your tires, but making sure that you know that you have that lug nut key that fixes because there was, you know, there was a situation where obviously, you know, had a flat tire, no problem, dad, I've got it. I know how to change your tire. And then, but whoops.

Robert (38:26)
Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Rob Finlay (38:50)
My lug nut doesn't fit. Well, it's because the key. So having little personalized momentous in there and just little comments, I guarantee you whether or not your kids read it or whoever you're giving it to, they might not read the book, but they'll read these little bits and pieces. that will be, I think that will be very special from people giving the book.

Robert (39:09)
tell you another story. My oldest, I asked him, was like, have you, because I share custody with his mom and I asked him, said, have you gotten your oil change yet? Now he got the car back early September and he's like, no, I don't need to. I said, you don't. He said, no. I said, okay, how do you know you don't need to? He said, well, the little oil light, little oil light hasn't come on yet.

Rob Finlay (39:17)
Mm-hmm.

Robert (39:37)
He said, won't that tell you? said, cause it'll, you know, that usually will tell you when you need oil, right? And I said, no. He said, well, your car tells you, I app, the app on my phone will tell me how much life I have left in my, in my oil, but I still go by miles. how many miles after how many miles do I need to get it? And so I was telling them and, I'm like, failure, failure, dad.

You know, should have, that's another thing I should have told him early on.

Rob Finlay (40:09)
Yeah, well, one of the, so Michael McDowell, who's the guy who won the Daytona 500, he's a NASCAR driver, he and his crew chief, they actually said something really funny. They said, you know what, do yourself a favor. Before you let your kids go and drive, first time, have them go out and show you that they can open the hood of the car.

And I was like, what do you mean? Everybody knows how to, you And he said, nope, go and do it. And it will shock you that a lot of them will know how to open up the first hatch, you know, maybe inside, but won't know that there's that little catch underneath the hood. And you watch, that's always a good, it's always a good challenge. Like, hey, I made all of my kids go through, you know, no matter what, just basic stuff. Hey, at the house.

Do you know how to turn off the water? Do you know if, especially with boys and parties and stuff like that, do you know how to turn off the toilet water running if it starts to be clogged? These are life lessons that you really do need to know and you won't have enough time to Google it when it happens. So, right, right, exactly. Find it. Okay, yeah, hit this like button to subscribe, all that stuff. No, you're gonna be, water and whatever else is gonna be coming out all over your bathroom floor.

Robert (41:08)
Yeah.

No, I watch your YouTube video.

Rob Finlay (41:30)
So, it's, yeah, these are important things. So just taking the time to just quiz them just a little bit. Hey, before you go get this place on your own or your first dorm, right? It's just knowing how to work this stuff. You know what a fire alarm is.

Robert (41:44)
I

think you have a volume two and maybe a volume three of this book coming out. I really do. I could see that where things that weren't included and then maybe it's the Hey Dad with Parenting book, when they first have kids and I could see that in your future with this. Have you thought about that?

Rob Finlay (42:06)
You know what I always dream about? I love writing. So it's one of these things. that's, you know, from being an entrepreneur where, you know, you're constantly and working all day. I don't always get closure, right? So it's like, you know, I have a bunch of meetings, but have I really done anything? Writing a book is basically the equivalent of starting a business, loving the business and selling the business and, you know, and retiring.

And so they just become an extension of what I enjoy to do. So I have thought about other, sort of other books and stuff, but there's a couple more that are on the horizon. But yeah, it's funny, because now my young analysts and stuff, they're at a stage now where they're talking about marriage and they're talking about families. And these are, I forget, absolutely. Get off of Tinder, right? You're not gonna find them.

Robert (42:52)
Finding a partner, what to look for.

Rob Finlay (42:59)
You're not gonna find them on Tinder, so go out and learn how to talk to people.

Robert (43:03)
No,

that's yeah. I definitely think there's, there's future, future volumes coming out from you. And I hope so. I think this was so well done. All right. So I'm not going to let you get off, get off the podcast before you provide us with some advice for fathers. If you could give advice, what would that be?

Rob Finlay (43:22)
So I think for fathers, it's the same thing. think, you know, all you really need to do is think about the human being that you're raising. I know it's important to think that they're going to be superstars in sports or superstars in business or whatever. Understand the real great importance is developing a good human, one who's compassionate, one who is kind, one who cares about people. And that is that honestly,

If you can do that, you've won. You've won. You've done the most amazing thing because your kid will take that foundation. If they're an ass, they're always gonna, you know, that's gonna be a problem growing up. But if they're a good kid, good person, you've done your job.

Robert (44:07)
All right. Hey dad, everything you should have learned about life, didn't find it Barnes and noble Amazon comes out again, April. What? Okay. So the last week in April, they can also find it on your website and that's robfinlay.com and that's F I N L A Y. What about Instagram? Are you on Instagram?

Rob Finlay (44:16)
Yeah, sort of the last week in April.

dot com. Yep.

Yep, Instagram, yep, I think it's Rob J Finlay, Rob J Finlay is my Instagram. And that one's actually fun, that's, you know, people see how varied, I do a lot of farming, you and I spoke about fishing, so you know, our passion for fishing, so there could be some stuff on there on fishing, it's a little bit of everything on.

Robert (44:43)
Right.

That's wonderful. And I will make sure that I include links to everything in this interview and, and, you know, I highly recommend for those out there. is a, it's a fun read and it's a very educational read too. And, and again, very thought provoking. there were things, definitely things in there that I learned and also things I thought about again, grocery store, you know, you know, just little things thinking about that. I haven't taught them that yet and something I need to.

But Rob, I so much appreciate you coming on the podcast. I definitely do anything we missed.

Rob Finlay (45:25)
No, but Robert, thank you so much for having me. It's such a great show. I really appreciate it. And well done. mean, anybody who's listening to this, well done because that actually means you care. you know, I applaud you for what you're doing. I can only imagine how hard these podcasts are to have and keep the content and keep it going. you know, so well done to you. And I really appreciate it. And as I said to all your listeners, you're already doing a great job being a great parent because you actually care. So it's good.

Robert (45:51)
Rob, thank you again for coming on. And look, thank you all for listening to the Dad to Dads podcast. You can find us on Spotify or Apple and really most platforms. You can also find us on Instagram or YouTube.

Don't forget to hit the like and subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes and leave, feel free to leave a comment. read every one of them and I really enjoy, receiving the feedback as well as the, the comments and the, the future show suggestions as well. Thank you all again. And we will talk to you next time.