The Brutal Truth About Men, Marriage and Ego - Kyle Carnohan of Super Human Fathers

Why do so many men struggle in marriage, faith and leadership - despite doing everything right?
In this raw conversation, Kyle Carnohan breaks down ego, masculinity, marriage and what it truly means to lead as a man.

In this powerful episode of the Dad to Dad Podcast, Robert sits down with Kyle Carnohan, founder of Superhuman Fathers, to explore the hidden battles men face in marriage, fatherhood, faith, and identity.

Kyle speaks openly about ego, submission, leadership in marriage, sexless relationships, spiritual awakening, and why so many men feel lost- even when they’re successful. This conversation goes deep into what it really means to be a man of faith, how ego sabotages relationships, and why true leadership starts with humility.

Topics covered include:

• Why ego is the biggest threat to men and marriages
• The real reason many marriages become sexless
• What “dying to self” actually looks like in daily life
• Faith, masculinity, and hearing God’s voice
• Why men confuse vulnerability with weakness
• Leadership, submission, and restoring connection with your wife
• Fatherhood, discipline, and preparing children for life

Transcript

Robert Poirier (00:00)
Hey Kyle, welcome to the Dad to Dad's podcast.

Kyle Carnohan (00:02)
Happy to be here, man. Let's get into it.

Robert Poirier (00:04)
Man, I appreciate it. when I saw you on Instagram, it was like, this guy gets it. he gets it about fatherhood, about being a dad, about being a husband, relationships. He is saying what so many people are afraid to speak. And look, appreciate you coming on, really do.

Kyle Carnohan (00:23)
You're welcome. And you know what's funny about that is like there was a time like when I first started this it was like a calling right you feel the state inside you and you're like I must speak like it's the same reason why you have this podcast you're like you got this thing that's like there's a message that has to get out and You know you but you're always a little ⁓ Scared or nervous to speak because you you kind of like well who the fuck am I? You know

Robert Poirier (00:26)
What's up?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly it. Yep. Yep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (00:52)
And

so in the beginning, if I look back, remember being very, very aggressive, like hyper aggressive. And looking back, it makes me laugh at myself at my own insecurities of my aggressive behavior. But it was just me trying to do what's right and listen to that calling. And the funny thing is, is, you know, when you say things like that, go, I, you know, the thing, the only credit I give to myself is that

Robert Poirier (00:59)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (01:22)
I've surrendered to seeking because the more I dig into these things and I look at myself, the more I see I am lacking at a greater depth of whatever concept I'm teaching. And so there's this tension and dichotomy of me like sharing a solid message. And then the mirror comes back and goes, yeah, but you still have some shit to work on. And so it's just this interesting, like,

thing that goes inside your head.

Robert Poirier (01:53)
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. And so I guess this is a good way to go into it for those that are wondering kind of what to expect over with our conversation. I would say fatherhood, masculinity, and ⁓ faith sprinkled in there as well throughout. ⁓

Kyle Carnohan (02:01)
I'm going to just like overhaul.

Yeah,

an ego death.

Robert Poirier (02:15)
⁓ There you go. There you go. That's a big thing, man. Ego. A lot of people have to get over that. That's lot. That is a lot. Hey, but it... ⁓

Kyle Carnohan (02:21)
We all do.

And don't matter how

good you are, you think, hey, I'm a good man. Look deeper. Look deeper.

Robert Poirier (02:31)
Yep. Yep.

No, that's, that's, that's so true. You know what? Let's just go into that now. Let's go straight. Let's go, let's go straight into it with ego. And, ⁓ you know, that's one thing we're going to go totally off script here. That's one thing that I've struggled with some and, know, always, ⁓ asking God about, you know, show me my faults and, you know, make those clear to me.

Kyle Carnohan (02:38)
Please. This is like.

Yeah.

Robert Poirier (03:00)
That's

something a lot of men struggle with, isn't it?

Kyle Carnohan (03:03)
we all do and it goes, the rabbit hole is so deep and it's also so slippery because you can't just overcome it and think you made it somewhere because that little fucker will slip around again even in your self-development. So like, you do all this work, right? And you're like, well, I'm spiritually enlightened and I'm very developed.

Robert Poirier (03:18)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (03:30)
Well, your ego is going to grasp onto that and that'll be your actually your biggest battle because of all the work you've done on yourself thinking that you're elevated past other people and then you'll get yourself in the exact same spot that you were before when you were wrestling with the crust of your ego. And so it's this never ending awareness of like, I have to go back to a place that I set up every day to check in on myself.

the look at the prior day and die to self again, take up my cross again every single day. ⁓ because no matter how far I go into the rabbit hole thinking I got somewhere, I can fall asleep like that, just like everybody else. So I haven't made it anywhere. I have to, it's like, it's like, ⁓ going to the gym or whatever. Like you, you gotta keep working out or you lose what you got, you know?

Robert Poirier (04:13)
Yeah.

That's true that that is that is very true, you know, I'm gonna kind of Go somewhere else with this Are kind of along the same lines. You said you got to keep working out What about for those that? When they are Very, you know when they when they're very faithful

but they're not seeing results or they feel like they're not seeing results. Kind of like with working out, you know, hey, I'm going five times a week. I'm doing these exercises. I'm eating right. I'm, I'm just barely getting gains.

Kyle Carnohan (05:02)
Yeah, you're mentally lazy. This is problem. People are mentally lazy because they do the things, but they don't go here in their mind to figure out what things are working and what's not working. They just keep doing the same thing and not getting results. And then they go, well, I guess that I'm genetically incapable or it's because I'm getting older. When in reality there's a shift or something you can change or an understanding or a concept that you can grasp.

Robert Poirier (05:04)
Yeah, what do you say?

Kyle Carnohan (05:30)
that you can apply and then all of sudden you start getting gains again. And I would say most people it's fat loss, right? They're just like, man, I can't get rid of this belly fat or whatever. And I'll talk to guys and go, hey man, you need to count your food. And they're like, you know, that doesn't really work for me. They go, you know what, what works for me is like just cutting carbs out. I go, cool. ⁓ And yet you're talking to me about struggling. And I go, hey, ⁓

Robert Poirier (05:40)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (05:59)
What's the longest consecutive time that you've lived with abs? And they're like, I've never had abs. And I go, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you're talking about. So when I tell you, when I tell you, you need to count your food. You're listening to a guy that's had abs for 15 years, who's 45 years old, who has businesses and kids and a wife. So all your bullshit excuses, I've stolen those from you. You're welcome. Count.

your food, but there's a frustration because guys are like, I've tried and it's like, you tried for two days. You tried for a week. A new habit takes an extreme commitment and you learn from your failures, not your wins. What, what people don't see is the guy trying to figure that out for three years to build one simple habit that he finally got and then gritted his teeth for 10 years to establish.

Robert Poirier (06:51)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (06:57)
And then it became easy.

Robert Poirier (06:59)
Yeah, that makes sense. I like that a lot. Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (07:00)
We'll hear things from people, right? We'll hear things.

You'll ask a question, they give you advice and you go, I don't like that advice. I'm just gonna keep slamming my head against the wall and doing the same shit that doesn't work. What is that? Ego.

Robert Poirier (07:16)
Sure. What are some of the other common things you see with guys that guys struggle with?

Kyle Carnohan (07:22)
lack of motivation, you know. ⁓

Robert Poirier (07:26)
Where does that like the lack of motivation? me that like.

Kyle Carnohan (07:30)
Well, it's just, again, this is I go to ego, it's ego and selfishness. Because there's a resistance to do the work. the ego wants to be comfortable. It wants to have it his way. It hasn't submitted to the path God has for them. So you're not just submitting to what you can't control, you're submitting to what you can control and submitting to the pain required.

to do what you must. There's a full submission on both sides required when you take up your cross, when you die to self. People get one side right, they go, you know what? I'm just gonna give it all to God. And then they stop doing anything. It's the greatest fear for like real hard charging business owners that have been extremely motivated by fear of not being enough or competition or validation or.

trying to get to the top of the mountain so they finally get there. So that guy at some point, he's going to get there and realize, ⁓ shit, I'm still left wanting. And so at some point he's going to face submission to the path where like he needs to let go, but he's afraid that if he lets go, he'll lose his motivation, which he will. So he'll have to reestablish a new foundation of why he does what he does. And that's like, that's being reborn.

That's a spiritual awakening that most men will hit at some point in their lives.

Robert Poirier (08:56)
Yeah.

Wow. What about with relationships? Do you see that in relationships too?

Kyle Carnohan (09:08)
my gosh, bro, like I see the most simple things that men are unwilling to do because their ego has a grasp of their heart. ⁓ Example, I've got a really close client friend really. His wife reached out to me about a year ago and she was saying that they are in big trouble and they need help. And so we get on a call with them and

Very rarely will someone of this nature show up to a call with his wife, but he knew something needed to change and there was something in him that was desiring change and ⁓ turns out that he was an abuser in their past, physically, which is super common, by the way.

Robert Poirier (09:57)
Is it really?

Kyle Carnohan (09:58)
⁓ yes. The worst things you can possibly imagine are so common. Sexual abuse.

Robert Poirier (10:05)
You know, it's, it's, it's interesting. I, not, I I I don't want to get off your story,

but it's interesting. I had somebody on not too long ago. Well, actually she probably was about a year ago and she was talking about domestic abuse. And I said that, is it really common? I mean, I guess you don't know when somebody is like, you don't know if somebody in your circle is, but she said that it's like 50 % men are close to 50 % men. But she also said, which was interesting that 50 % of men.

experience it in their life as well, are the victims of.

Kyle Carnohan (10:38)
Yeah, that's due.

Robert Poirier (10:39)
I

know that's a totally different, totally different subject and we could go down that rabbit hill rabbit hole. go ahead. I just thought that was interesting, but go ahead and finish telling me about him.

Kyle Carnohan (10:49)
Yeah, well, and if we go into that subject, you look at this guy's past, he was... He had the shit beat out of him his whole life. So, he developed a protective core. So anyway, they show up on this call, and I just felt it, man. I just asked the question, when was the last time you hit her? And he's... And that man, I watched in his face, I watched him growl, and then I watched him submit and answer the question. So...

We brought them into our couples program. I didn't charge them because there's certain men that if you ask them for something upfront, they won't trust you. So I could just feel like this guy needs to know that I love him and I'm here for him. So they came in and he completely changed his life. He found pockets of peace and surrender, but he kept getting pulled back.

And then as he has elevated to this place where he's like really trying to find full surrender to Jesus, he is finding this attack where he can be really, really close and vulnerable with me and the man, but with his wife. ⁓

You know, we have a really cool relationship where he allows her to share their text messages with me. So I get to see their conversations and I can see when he fucks this up. I can also see when she's coming in too hot on him and not giving him breath. So, ⁓ but there was a text string that she sent me yesterday and it was like, she said, you've been really mean to me lately. And he said, yeah, I've been a douche.

Robert Poirier (12:15)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (12:29)
And then she said, you've been bullying me. And then immediately he pulls back. So it was like, he gave a little bit and then pulled back and said, well, I haven't been a bully. I'm just direct. So that's ⁓ like egotistical narcissistic behavior. Give a nugget, come back and then twist it real quick. Then back out of the apology. And then she writes a little more and he says, I can't handle you when you're like this. So then he turns it on her and makes it her fault.

Right? So this is super common in marriage is we will kind of apologize to get the credit and then we'll go back and protect ourselves to make sure that we end up on top. I did this for years. ⁓ so last night where we, he's one of, he's one of my mentors. He's a great guy. Jacked as fuck six, four. ⁓ it's like got so much going for him. He's, this is the last piece for him. And he comes into the mentor group and he apologized to us cause he hasn't been showing up. So goes, Hey man,

Guys, I just wanted to apologize, like, I'm gonna get my shit together and I'm really sorry that I haven't been showing up right. I go, brother, we love you, man. We're not perfect here. And I go, hey, can you do yourself a favor and do what you just did to us for your wife? And he was like, bro. I go, I know. He goes, dude, I gotta tell you, when I think about that, there's this feeling that starts in my stomach. It goes up my back and then grabs onto my neck. And I can just feel it.

Not letting me do that. I go, yes my friend, that is the enemy. That is the devil within you. That is the evil inside of you. And that is the thing that we go to war with every day. So, you big, strong, tough man, you're actually one of the biggest pussies in this room right now. Because you're unwilling to face the enemy. And we cannot trust you if you're unwilling to face the enemy. It means that you could be sifted at any moment. So I need you to go home and stick a knife in that motherfuckers neck.

by submitting to your wife. It looks like this. Hey babe, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry the way I treated you. I can't imagine how hard it is to live with me. I'm sorry about this resistance. feel I'm gonna continue to fight it and give you the man that you need. And I love you.

⁓ so simple. So simple to just destroy the enemy. Yet men refuse.

Robert Poirier (14:53)
Yeah.

How did he take that?

Kyle Carnohan (15:00)
Me and him have a I have built a deep relationship of love and trust with this big animal So, you know, he cannot deny my love for him. He cannot deny it. It's so much stronger than any of that Any feeling he has that enemy has no power in our relationship because we have sat in absolute truth together I fillet myself for him. I lower myself So that I never rise above him

I just love him and then I tell him the truth. He knows I'm not trying to get anything from him or compete with him or hurt him. He knows that every word I say, even with sharp truth, comes directly from the Spirit of God.

Robert Poirier (15:45)
So he did go home and said that to his wife? Okay.

Kyle Carnohan (15:47)
He did. Yes, he did.

She texted me. She said, that's the best he's ever done. Now, me explain. Like, we've been in pockets and this is one example of thousands. You know, they get it. We get in these pockets of darkness where we're stuck. It's like the ego hole, the pit of despair. And it is victimization. It is...

Robert Poirier (16:00)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (16:14)
This fear of lack of control. It is ⁓ the fear of being misunderstood. It's all these things that are required to murder your ego that we resist. And so we have found that we want to actually be offensive against that power. And so you take opportunities to expose yourself, embarrass yourself, lower yourself, tell the truth that is uncomfortable.

and keep that thing on the ropes.

Robert Poirier (16:47)
You said victimization. I feel like that is such a common theme just in society. I feel like there's so many victims out there. Do you see that? You see that a lot with men?

Kyle Carnohan (16:59)
I see it in myself. Yeah, I fight it all the time. On Tuesday, I had a real bad one. ⁓ I had one of our, like one of my high level clients. I was really close to leave our group that he committed to for a year and we were only three months in and we like make an oath to each other. Like we're going to be part of this for a year. Nobody leaves and he left. So I was hurt. I also been having a lot of hard conversations with some of the guys wives because

There's a lot of sexless marriages and

Robert Poirier (17:30)
Really?

Sexless being they never do, they do once a month or like, how do you define that? Or is it?

Kyle Carnohan (17:40)
All on

the, like, I would say once a month sex is a sexless marriage, I would call it that for sure. But there are marriages, many, they haven't had sex in six months, a year, year and a half. Yeah. And usually, he has a certain way of being that triggers some sort of insecurity in her. So she pulls away and blames him rather than understanding that she has the problem.

Robert Poirier (17:45)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Kyle Carnohan (18:10)
And so when I talk to these women, I'm trying to crack them open to look inside and see one, how are they in their own way? Cause like, dude, women like orgasms, you're going to punish your husband to never have an orgasm again. Like that doesn't make any sense. Why are you punishing yourself? Right? Also, they don't understand how close their marriage is to crashing on the rocks. They have no idea.

Because they're like, well, it's just sex. then they get offended. They're like, all my husband wants is sex. And I'm like, all your husband needs is you to ⁓ desire him and show him love and passion. So you switch the story. All he wants is sex. Well, if all he wants is sex, then give that to him. And guess what? Your marriage is amazing. So you're calling this a problem, but it's actually an incredible, easy, simple solution. And when you're looking at the pyramid of importance of things in your life to find joy,

Robert Poirier (18:59)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (19:09)
You have God at the top spouse next. Then you got your kids and your business and your body. But the problem is we get distracted by all this stuff and we leave the actual pieces that make the biggest difference in our life at the top. People say that they're they claim to be Christian and yet they sit on the fence. They don't they don't go all in. So they're like, I'm Christian, but it's like a sexless marriage. It's like we're married, but only on paper.

Really, we're just roommates. always say, even with your religion or your spirituality and your marriage, you're either all in or you're all out. Like you're either committed or you're not. Like, are we doing this thing or are we not doing this thing? And if you look at it that way, it always leads you to a place of decision-making. Otherwise we get stuck in this no man's land where these marriages sit, you know? And it's like, there's no progress being made and blah.

Robert Poirier (19:54)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kyle, how did you, you have such a passion for this. How did you get into this? Like, you said you had kind of a calling. Can you tell me more about that?

Kyle Carnohan (20:20)
⁓ yeah, like I've always had this, ⁓ curious mind about existence and life and relationships and, ⁓ almost like a second view outside of me watching everything and learning the lessons of life. I remember even as a kid, I was always very introspective and just like curious of like, even when I was a kid, I'd get bullied all the time in like elementary school. And I remember.

being outside of myself, watching myself get bullied and wondering what is in this kid that would make him treat me like this? So I started asking these questions really young. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember, ⁓ like feeling pain for other people, ⁓ deeply as a kid. So like,

Robert Poirier (21:05)
As a kid, you would have those thoughts.

Kyle Carnohan (21:19)
even simple things like I remember I was at this ⁓ bumper boats thing with my brother and he gets in the bumper boat and it's like a motorcycle handles and he thought it was a one handle so he had it turned and I remember him spinning and he couldn't figure out how to get it straight and I remember him being so embarrassed and scared and I remember getting nauseous because of the pain

Robert Poirier (21:30)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (21:47)
I saw in my brother and wanting to rescue him or help him or do something and I never forgot that because that was something I was just born with like a ⁓ Give a fuck

Robert Poirier (22:03)
That is that that's that's amazing at such a young age. And so you're going about life and then you decided to like, how do you how do you how do you how did you come up? How did you come up with the idea? Like, look, this is what I'm gonna do. This is what I'm going to devote my life to. I've got this message. I have this feeling I've got like what drove you what drove you to create superhuman fathers?

Kyle Carnohan (22:33)
Well, I guess, I mean, there's some steps that happened in my life. So when I was younger, I was raised Mormon and ⁓ I wanted to serve. So I was going on a mission. I was going to do a Mormon mission. So I structured my whole life to be like worthy to do that. So, you know, I didn't, there was no, drugs, no alcohol, no pussy, none of that shit. I was, but I was always around it. I was in a punk band. All my, all my friends were savages, man. So.

I was in the world but not of the world, you know? I was making sure they passed out that they could breathe and shit. know? I always... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was the designated driver when I got my license and everything. ⁓ I love those guys. ⁓ So I go on my mission and I experience what it's like to be a monk. I just served. That was it. I forgot myself.

Robert Poirier (23:11)
You really got all your friends wanting to have a round.

Kyle Carnohan (23:30)
literally didn't have a boner for two years. Just I thought that thing maybe didn't work when I got home. So, but I was I felt it like I felt losing myself completely in the service of others. And I always remembered that when I came home, I started working at a bank and I was like, OK, I got married right away like Mormons do. And I started like, OK, now I got to like learn how to make money and shit. And we did really well and

just my discipline and the way I was, you know, moved up really quick and got our dream house, built a skate park in the backyard and we made it. I was like, this is easy, man. Live righteously and ⁓ life will just work out for you. And then 2008 came and just obliterated us, lost everything. Three houses, all my cars repoed off the curb. My 401k disappeared. Ended up living with my wife's parents and realized like,

Oh shit, this is a new start. I, uh, I was like, you know what? I always wanted to be a fireman. So fuck this money game. I'm to go back into monk land and go be a fireman. And so I started that process and that started from, you know, making, uh, you know, three to $400,000 a year at 26 years old to make an eight 50 an hour as a rookie on a private ambulance.

getting threatened to lose my job from some 22 year old. So there was a great humbling and ⁓ I worked for three years, know, savagely while on welfare ⁓ to get this job. And I almost had to give up and get another job because I couldn't get hired. And year three, I finally got hired, moved to Thornton, Colorado, became a fireman, went through ⁓ absolute hell.

trying to become that because I realized I was not necessarily cut out for emergencies. would my hands would shake terribly. I got the nickname slim shaky is what they used to call me. Dude, I would piss myself. I literally would piss my own pants because I was so nervous and scared of not only what the fuck was going to happen because no, you don't know what's next but the cultural

Robert Poirier (25:32)
Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (25:49)
The cultural pressure in the firehouse is gnarly because I wanted to be respected by those guys, but there was nowhere near close to be respected the first three years. Like you can't win, especially someone who's, you know, pretty soft hearted like myself just got absolutely destroyed, which was the best thing that could have happened to me. So I worked through that became a new version of myself, learned how to harden the fuck up.

Robert Poirier (26:07)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (26:19)
⁓ built some confidence and then about 10 years in I started to look around and realized that my brothers were struggling massively in the firehouse. They were gaining weight, they were alcoholics, they were in really terrible marriages and I had found myself in a pretty good spot. You know, I was physically fit, ⁓ I was disciplined, my marriage was great, I had a happy family.

And guys were looking to me like, hey man, what are you doing? Like, how do you do this? And I was like, I don't know, man. So I started to help them with their discipline and their fitness and nutrition. And I started getting guys ripped, man. Like, just getting these firemen ripped as fuck. Like, I had a whole army of them at my firehouse. And so guys started going like, hey, are you on the Carnahan plan, you know? So I did that for a long time. And then...

Eventually had a coach who's like, man, you should probably put this out to the world. And I resisted it. ⁓ because, ⁓ I, I had, ⁓ I had, I had superhuman fathers as a Instagram, but I didn't have a company. I just used it as a way to expose myself. Cause I was really trying to, ⁓ work on my reactivity at home. And, ⁓ cause I would still yell at my kids too much and be a little.

irritated at my wife and I wanted to eradicate that so I just exposed myself on Instagram. I do these challenges. I was like three days without yelling at your kids and then it'd be like an hour in and I'd be like, I fucked it up. I yelled again. I'm like, what is going on? Look, the new mission became like, how do I become the absolute untriggerable peacemaker in my home where I am incredibly non-reactive and that actually took me a good

Robert Poirier (28:05)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (28:12)
three years of psychotic obsessive focus to become that. In that process, I was building Superhuman Fathers, you eventually put it out to the world and we had thousands of guys go through and made millions of dollars, which brought up a whole new introspective thing about like the money and the, and the, like the money and the mission, right?

Robert Poirier (28:41)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (28:42)
And

that fucked with me for a long time. I couldn't balance it because there was part of me that wanted to like be God, be the savior, right? So I did not have Jesus at this time, you understand? And when you don't have Jesus and you're trying to save people, you have to carry all of that. And it...

Robert Poirier (28:44)
That's gotta be tough.

Yep.

Kyle Carnohan (29:09)
It broke me. became kind of a monster, man, like an evil king. And I didn't know how to carry all this. So I had 700 guys in my group and I would just chop heads off. Like if anybody disagreed with me, I'd be like, kill him. You know, like I didn't know what to do with it. And, um, and through this process of like finding Jesus and getting into his words and understanding like my ego.

and the deceptions within myself and then the false gods that would try to hook onto me in this process, ⁓ I was able to detach from those things and like really find out what it means to the next level of being a good man. And I'll find myself in these places where I'm like, shit, I thought I was a good man. And then a universe of bullshit is exposed and then you gotta work through that and.

Go to the next layer and the next layer and the next layer.

Robert Poirier (30:05)
Did you, once you started making money, did you ever have an issue with... ⁓

kind of getting clouded by the money, chasing money versus being a servant versus helping others. it, I could do this and bring in another 50K or bring in however much, or this will really kind of lose. Did you ever have that struggle with potentially losing yourself, losing your mission during that?

Kyle Carnohan (30:32)
Yeah.

Yeah. So I would, I would say this, like there are times if you play this game, there's times where you go, this is what I do for to make money and how cool that it can help people at the same time. Right? So if you're going into the level of transformation that I'm going into, this will fuck you up. I'm here to make money and how awesome I get to help people at the same time. Like where I'm going, it has to be the opposite.

Robert Poirier (31:00)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (31:01)
I'm here to serve my mission and my people and how blessed I am that it supports me so I can feed my family and have a roof over my

that that will be a struggle internally in every man that steps into this level of calling to serve people.

Robert Poirier (31:22)
That makes a lot. I mean, heck, think you see it with so many people. You even see it with preachers.

I mean, you do, you see it. I see it here with churches ⁓ that really will go against what is in the Bible to get more people in, to fill up the sanctuary. I mean, it's something that I'm like, what in the, you know, there'll be thousands of people in this huge arena and they'll start preaching. And then it's like, wait, God didn't say that.

God was very clear on this, you know.

Kyle Carnohan (32:01)
Yep. that's the, you know, the hard, the hard part is, like, we're living our own life, right? We can look at ourselves and then we can discern, but we have to be careful not to assume intent in others because we don't know what's in their heart. We can look at their fruits and make assumptions, but we got to know that that is an assumption. So I am involved with all kinds.

And I just love people and support them on their own transformational journey.

Robert Poirier (32:30)
Yeah.

Yeah, you could

tell. tell. All right. So kids, do you have any kids?

Kyle Carnohan (32:42)
I have a gaggle, so I have a five-year-old little girl and then I have four boys ranging from 11 to 19. Yeah, she was a full accident. She's amazing. She's like the biggest blessing of my life.

Robert Poirier (32:54)
So you had a little bit of a break there and then decided to go back.

Kyle Carnohan (33:08)
I was a boy dad. didn't, I did not want a girl, nor did I want a fifth kid. But when you do that thing with your wife a lot and you have her taking care of that thing, a little girl will pop out.

Robert Poirier (33:17)
Hahaha

Accidents can happen, Accidents can happen. So is that where you got so passionate about fatherhood also?

Kyle Carnohan (33:24)
Yeah. ⁓

You know, ⁓ yeah, I, the funny thing is, my message is kind of different now. So back then it was all about fatherhood. You know, it's superhuman fathers, but I have found the core is God and wife. So like when you are deeply connected in a highly

respectful, grateful, and friendly relationship with God, ⁓ and you are deeply connected with your wife and you have her respect, her admiration for you, you will be an epic father. You just will be, because you're listening. And so I used to talk about, like, a lot of, teach a lot about fatherhood techniques and...

making goals of how to do this and that. And now I just say, get close to God, ⁓ reconcile with your wife, and then watch the magic happen.

Robert Poirier (34:40)
I

so many men, so many families get it wrong.

where they might have God first or they think they have God first, but then it's children right after that, and then it's the spouse. Do you see that a lot?

Kyle Carnohan (34:53)
Yep.

I was that for so long. I would come home from the firehouse. I would gather up my boys and we'd go to the skate park and my wife was like...

Robert Poirier (34:56)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (35:02)
Bye. No date nights. It was just like she cooked, cleaned, took care of us. And I was the PE teacher and she was not getting what she needed from me. She's not getting the leadership she needed. And ⁓ that was a huge transition in my transformation was seeing my wife for the pain that she was in. Most women are miserable in their marriages. They just won't say it. They're so alone. ⁓

They won't say it. We'll meet with couples, my wife and I, ⁓ we'll say, ⁓ don't look at each other, but I want you to rate your connection and your happiness in your marriage on a scale of one to 10. And the guy will always do like a nine. She'll do like a two, a one, or a three. Super common. So we're just completely ignorant at the needs of our wives.

Robert Poirier (35:58)
What more can guys do? What more can guys do so they can be more in touch with their wife?

Kyle Carnohan (36:05)
There's two, there's systems and there's heart. So like systems are like, see we're hunters, so we're one track mind. This is why we get in trouble, because we're like, all right, make money. And that's the only thing we think about and we just want to just go bring the meat home. And we think that's enough. And ⁓ that couldn't be farther from the truth. So ⁓ with systems, it would be like, okay, on my calendar, every Saturday night,

Robert Poirier (36:13)
Right.

Kyle Carnohan (36:32)
I take my wife on a date. It's not like we gotta plan this thing and like it's haphazard sometimes it's like every night. So my wife and I it's every Tuesday, every Saturday. We know at seven o'clock on Tuesday and Saturday we're in the car and we're going. So it's calendared and it's system, it's systematic. Every month we know what date we're going on an overnight. So it's happening. I'm getting her away from the craziness of the world. Women have to have an Oasis.

Robert Poirier (36:39)
Right.

Kyle Carnohan (37:01)
They have to get away or they feel like they're walking in the desert and they're dying of thirst and they have they don't all they see is desert. So it's no wonder that they flip out panic all the time and say things like no one helps me. You don't see me. I feel alone. And you're like, what the fuck? I'm here. What are you talking about? You're alone. This doesn't make any sense. It's because they're in a desert and they see no oasis in the future because we're not providing that for them. Then we break that further down into like daily deposits.

Robert Poirier (37:14)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (37:31)
Systems where on my to-do list is hug your wife and ask how she's doing Because I'll forget right so I'm going on my daily to-do list and I go ⁓ and I get up and I go downstairs And I give her a hug and I go how are you? There are men listening to this that have never done that not once

Robert Poirier (37:52)
It sounds so simple, but I guess it's very uncommon.

Kyle Carnohan (37:57)
It's so simple and so uncommon, similar to like, dude, I'm having a hard time losing this fat. It's like, well, how many times did you go to the gym last week? ⁓ I didn't. And what's your nutrition like? I don't know. I just try to eat healthy. It's like, that's not intentional. Right. Or even what did you do in the gym? I don't know. just go and go on the treadmill and like do some bicep curls. It's like, that's not intentional. You have in marriage, you have to be so fucking intentional.

You have- it's the place where you have to be the most intentional. So systems first, right? Number two is heart. If a man does not know how to feel, he'll never speak his wife's language. There's nothing more connecting to a woman than a powerful, savage man who will cry tears of gratitude and love for his wife in front of her. Men get this fucked up. They think tears mean I'm sad, poor me.

But there are tears of love that will make your wife melt and just like want to devour you. That's the language they speak. Like if you were to get on your knees in tears and just tell your wife how grateful you are for her, how much you love her, how she's the greatest gift that God has given you and you can't even control the emotion.

Do you think that might build a little bit of trust?

Robert Poirier (39:24)
Yeah, that's a great point. So vulnerability there, but I'm, I want to ask you something. You know, I hear from a lot of men that are so afraid of getting vulnerable with their wife that, well, they say that when they do, when they talk about life's challenges and their struggles, their fears,

Kyle Carnohan (39:37)
Yeah, because they're pussies. They're weak.

That's not

what I'm talking about.

Robert Poirier (39:48)
Yeah, you're talking about being grateful. You're talking, you're talking about being grateful, but I'm talking about like the vulnerability for when they're scared, they don't know how they're going to pay the bills. They're worried about this, worried about that. That then their wife turns around and uses that as a weapon. And I know that's not every case by any means, but I've heard, I've heard that, you know, several, several times. Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (40:06)
comment.

Yeah, let me give an energy. like,

okay, so if I'm gonna be vulnerable with my wife about finances, which I'm very aware of, I've had more financial failures than most people on this planet currently experiencing one right now. ⁓ damn babe, this is fucked. We have a lot of work to do. So here's what I'm gonna do. I've gotta go over the accounts. I've gotta call this debt. We've gotta reorganize this. ⁓

And then I've got three things I gotta do to redo our marketing. If I do this, this, and this, then this is what the results should be. Now, if that doesn't work, this is my backup plan. And then she watches you work your fucking ass to the bone, right? That's vulnerability of leadership. That's honesty and truth. If I go, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't do this anymore. You're a bitch and you're not leading.

Robert Poirier (41:10)
That's it right

there. That's it. It's being vulnerable, but having a plan.

Kyle Carnohan (41:15)
Yeah, man, like I can be powerfully in truth.

Robert Poirier (41:18)
I mean,

you said it, vulnerable leadership. think that's it, right? Instead of like, shit, I don't know what I'm going to do. my gosh. And, ⁓ and not having a plan, not, okay, this is what I'm going through. And here's a B and C of how we're going to get out of this.

Kyle Carnohan (41:33)
Look, I put my wife through hell. I take huge risks. And I always have, and it's gotten me into trouble. ⁓ In my worst financial failures, I have sex every day. Me and my wife are absolutely in love. Do we fight a lot? Yeah, we fight a lot. Do we have arguments? Yes. But throughout that shit, we're very tightly connected because of what I'm talking about now. I am a doer, a goer, a hoper. And even when I feel like there's no hope,

I have to find hope if I'm going to lead. Otherwise I hand her my crown. Here, I don't want this, you take it. And that's when she's like, boom! And she feels all the weight of the marriage. And guess what happens to ⁓ her legs? Whoop!

Robert Poirier (42:10)
And then I want to

Yep. Yep. They don't want to be the leader.

Kyle Carnohan (42:23)
No. Absolutely not. Do not.

Robert Poirier (42:25)
And I think

that's where we mess up so much with society as well.

I mean, I really do. Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (42:30)
We can fuck up, dude. We can fuck

up and make mistakes and learn. It's just the attitude of attack your wife needs to see. And not towards her, next to her looking out. lot of hard-charging drivers treat their wife the same way as they treat the world. The world is war. And you have to be that motherfucker. But with your wife, you better soften up. You need to feel softness, kindness, easy to be entreated.

non-judgmental, non-manipulative, easy, easy. So with your wife, it's a totally different relationship than anywhere else. And she'll sense that when he's with me. Like, my monster, he protects me. But don't fuck with us, because he'll take your head off, right?

Robert Poirier (43:18)
Kyle, you seem like you have it so figured out. Like you really do. What, like as a father, as a husband, however you want to say it, what...

Kyle Carnohan (43:29)
Let's do this guy who has

all figured out Has a son that lies to him can't figure out how to get him off weed is half a million in debt might be going bankrupt

Robert Poirier (43:40)
shit.

Kyle Carnohan (43:42)
This is how the game works, my friend.

Robert Poirier (43:42)
No, but you do. what else,

what else keeps you up at night? Like, I mean, I have things, I have things that with my two sons that keeps me up at night. Like what, what are the things that you're like, ⁓ shit, how am going to do this? Or I'm worried about this. What is it?

Kyle Carnohan (44:00)
these days?

Robert Poirier (44:01)
I know it's probably constantly changing with me. is, like, is there like one underlying thing and. Give, I'll give you an example. like for me, my father and anybody that's listened to this for awhile, they, know I've talked about in the past. My father passed away when I was 10 years old, like boom, out of the blue, one morning you wake up, he's dead. So it's, you know, it is like, okay, how do you go from 10 years old on?

Fortunately, I had a lot of men in the church and family members that really took in that role, not as of a dad, but ⁓ having that masculinity around me. And so my thing that keeps me up at night is, or that I think about continuously is preparing my boys for when I'm not here.

And having these goals in my mind, or maybe it's not goals, you know, certain, ⁓ values and things like that, knowing they can support themselves, knowing they can handle this with the world, knowing that, you know, how, you know, of course having God first, how to, know, how to treat people, ⁓ how to be resilient, how to have grit, you know, all of these things that you really want in them, just in case the

Same thing happens to me. want them to be prepared. So that's where I'm, that's where I'm coming from. Are there things like that, that you worry about, think about at night or anytime with your kids.

Kyle Carnohan (45:42)
My brain's always bouncing around and shit, but here's what I'll say now this this version of me that I found through through hell Nothing keeps me up at night nothing Jesus takes care of that when you're committed to the path and you're and you're detached from the outcome

You find peace. Heaven is within. Hell runs this world. So the whole entire goal of existence is to find heaven within. Which means no outside influence will take this peace from me. Trust me, I understand losing sleep at night. When I first ⁓ had my first downfall, ⁓ I didn't sleep for three years. I was constantly nauseous. I felt like there were hot pokers in my head. But I realized that I was doing that to myself.

You know, when comes to my children, I cannot control them. They are not mine. They're not mine. They're God's children. They're not mine. I'm just here to facilitate. And so if what I've learned with my son, who I struggle with and have a deep relationship with, the one I'm closest with is the one that struggles the most. I love this kid so much, but I also know that I cannot control him nor his future. All I can do is give the consequences and love him and hold him in prison.

needs be till he's 18 and hopefully he makes the right decision but i've been so involved with people's lives and emotionally attached to so many people that i have to realize that like i can do my part and if i'm doing my part that's the question right so the question the thing that would keep me up at night if i can't look in the mirror and say you're an honest man your desires are pure

And you are doing everything that you can. If I do those three things, I will sleep like a baby, no matter if my entire world is crashing down around me. Because that's the only thing that matters. Character and heart posture. The whole, your whole life is developing those two things. Developing your character, and turning your heart to God. Sloughing off evil, overcoming ego, and turning to God. So all the shit that happens outside of that is all a tool that...

this life uses that God uses in order to facilitate the growth of those two things.

Robert Poirier (48:02)
Okay, you say you turn it to God. What about when God is not answering?

Kyle Carnohan (48:08)
He always answers. The only reason you don't get answers is because your ego and your pride is in your own way.

Now this is ⁓ a touchy topic I understand. The question is, man, I don't hear an answer. But you do. You're just not, you're just not letting it in. So if we think about God as a voice above your fear, a voice above your ego, a voice above your scarcity, a voice above your control.

Robert Poirier (48:23)
be no.

Kyle Carnohan (48:41)
and we let go and we just sit and let that voice come to us. What does that voice tell us? The voice is already in your head. So we're looking for some like magnificent voice. It's already your thoughts. They're already there. That voice is already implanted in you. So what I suggest is if you don't feel like you're getting answers, sit down with a pen and paper and talk to yourself. Talk to the voice above you. It will always speak.

unless you are so prideful that you're not willing to listen. This is the greatest find that I've had in my own personal journey in spiritual growth is that God's voice is always accessible. And this is a practice. And when you find this, your life will never be the same. And it will be loving at times and rebuking at times, ⁓ guiding at times. And the goal is then to just trust it.

As you learn that voice, now we try to align our lives with the voice. Meaning, I'm trying to get in alignment with that higher version of that voice with my actions. And as your actions come in alignment with that higher voice, now your voice in your head is God's voice and you can just trust it. This is where you have people that are like, God told me and God told me and God told me, God told me. Sometimes those are egotistical weirdos that are just trying to show their spirituality.

But a real person that has found this, they're speaking with God constantly because they have the mind of God. And this is the gift that Jesus gives you when you have his spirit.

Robert Poirier (50:20)
So lot of it is, so much of this is wrapped around ego. It's hidden behind ego.

Kyle Carnohan (50:25)
⁓

All of it brother like I'll get these messages from God that are get me right in my darkest spot And I don't want to listen but I have to be honest with that voice I'm talking to so if I'm being a whiny little bitch I have to be a whiny little bitch to that voice so that it can teach me So I just had one on Tuesday, man God was telling me I needed to throttle back on some of my clients that I wasn't showing enough compassion

And he was telling to let some people go, don't stop being so controlling. And he's saying, do I treat you like that? And when he asked me that, my little whiny bitch voice said, you hurt us all the time. And his response was, you are not God.

And there's a piece of every single one of us that wants to be God. Every single one of us, people go like, I don't want to be God, bullshit. If you didn't want to be God, you would release all control and just let the path happen. We all want to be God. And that's the thing that we have to give to Jesus, is that desire to be God. And it is not easy. That thing will hold on for dear life.

Robert Poirier (51:36)
So it's the same thing when people say I was in a conversation some other day and they were telling me their story and they were talking about how they just feel that God's abandoned.

Kyle Carnohan (51:46)
Yeah, they're in full victim bitch mode and their ego's got a full block. Yeah. Yeah. God abandon me? Hey, try this.

Robert Poirier (51:54)
Interesting.

Kyle Carnohan (52:00)
did I make that breath? Hold on, move your arms. Who created this? Who gave you the right to even think? Are you fucking kidding me? God abandoned you? How ungrateful can you possibly be? Right? You can't hear God's voice from such an ungrateful place. God's voice comes with love. God is love. God is light.

Robert Poirier (52:22)
How much do

you think, if you want to call it Satan or whoever puts that in, puts that in people's minds? Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (52:29)
it's constant. It's a constant internal battle that

that force. mean, we're in hell. Like we're surrounded by a world that we are not in control of. It is not controlled by good. And so we're in an illusion. And when we believe the illusion, we're going to get lost in it. The spiritual realm is upside down. ⁓ The greatest among you shall be the least.

Robert Poirier (52:36)
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (52:56)
Lose yourself to find yourself? My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Like, hold on a second. We're being bamboozled by climbing our way to hell.

Robert Poirier (53:10)
Yeah, I think so many people get it wrong. think they think we're in such a great, if you want to say world or that.

Satan's grip is just around, it's only around a few. And no, it's not. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think that's something we all struggle with.

Kyle Carnohan (53:24)
no, it's got me by the balls, Every day. Yeah, it's a...

Yeah. Yeah.

Robert Poirier (53:35)
But, you know, the, the, again, if you want to say a victim hood, um, you know, the, I can't, the shame, any of that.

Kyle Carnohan (53:46)
Yeah, and all that stuff, by the way, that's where God is found This is the upside down nature. So shame is great. But our ego doesn't like shame, right? So we move our ego out of the way and we let the shame hit us and we take full responsibility and we pour out to God our shame in tears, real fucking heart, man. Like that's when God speaks. Like when you feel the shame and you hit your knees and you put your face on the dirt.

Robert Poirier (53:48)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (54:16)
That's when God speaks. You're blessed with shame. But we all think it's such a bad thing, but in the upside down world of the spiritual realm, shame is a great gift.

Robert Poirier (54:28)
I have never thought of it that way. That's beautiful. I have never thought of it that way.

Kyle Carnohan (54:32)
Everything bad,

everything we think is bad, God turns into light. Because we can't be good enough for God, bro. Everything good in us comes from Him, so we can do nothing for ourselves. Everything good that we are is God within us, which means I do nothing except receive. All I have to do is surrender and knock on the door and repent.

Robert Poirier (54:38)
Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (55:02)
in my shame and then the good comes as a gift. I am inherently evil. I am flesh. So I can I take no credit when you're leading men and you don't have Jesus and you think you have to carry all this when you find him. ⁓ bro and you can just pass that off.

Robert Poirier (55:22)
Yeah, I bet. bet. So tell me, tell me about superhuman fathers. I mean, tell me more about it for those that are interested, that are listening. Like, what do you, what do you do in there?

Kyle Carnohan (55:23)
Yeah.

Well, it used to be get ripped in 90 days. That's when I made millions. And now it's come and die to yourself and become a disciple. So I charge a dollar. So anyone who's interested in joining one of my 30 day programs, just it's a dollar. Just come and come and meet Jesus.

Robert Poirier (55:37)
Yeah. Yeah.

Do you still do the fitness as well though? Do you still have that program? Yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (56:01)
God, wife, kids, business, body. Body as the foundation, God as the pinnacle. Like we have to learn discipline.

Robert Poirier (56:10)
We have to. And I think that's so important as dads with your kids. I've talked about it before, during COVID, I can't remember how old the kids were. They were...

Kyle Carnohan (56:11)
because discipline is safety.

Robert Poirier (56:26)
Elementary school and when they close the schools down and in one side of my garage, had, cause COVID when they closed school down schools down was right after, ⁓ right. was like in March, if I remember correctly, somewhere around there. And so that year for Christmas, I had gotten them basically a home gym. mean, it was, you know, it was a good weight bench, but, they were young and it was like the two and a half through.

You know, it's that little triangle set you have like two and a halfs to like tens, you know, breaking it down. And, uh, so when it happened, I told them, look, and they knew I'd gone, I go to the gym. I'm like, we're going to start working out. Like really start working out because they would just, I had it in there. They would kind of play with the stuff. I'm like, you know, you are not going to, your thumbs are not going to get exercise playing the little X box. They're not going to get exercise during COVID and they got into it.

And they're both still into it and they have gotten, and I think part of it is, mean, I'm nowhere jacked like you are, but I'm for my age. I'm in pretty good shape, but it's, ⁓ you know, I think they saw the importance. I, that, that how important it is for me. And now you look at both of them and you know, they're very much into exercise, into being physically fit, not in a narcissistic way by any means, but

My point is, think that's so important too, for a father, not only for his health, but also to show it and lead by doing that as well. And whether that can, you know, for the spouse, for his wife, and also for the kids.

Kyle Carnohan (58:08)
Yeah, yeah, like you gotta show your kids how to do life and have them watch you. you know, I believe that a lot of kids will grasp it and some won't, but they'll never forget what they saw, especially when they become a dad, right? They'll like, like my kids are kind of screwed because they've watched me just lock in every day of their entire lives. Early in the morning in the dark, right into the Bible, do my writing, go to the gym, watch what I eat.

talk about controlling my emotional responses, apologizing all the time when I'm out of alignment. So like, I'm trying to set a bar for them so that when they become dads, they look back and go, ⁓ wow, wow. That phone call, it's like, dad, this stuff's hard. And I'm like, all right, welcome to the game, my boy. You know?

Robert Poirier (59:00)
I just think, I think the gym and sports are so good for kids, preparing them for life.

Kyle Carnohan (59:06)
Yeah, you gotta learn pain threshold. mean, what did Jesus do? He was the ultimate in pain threshold, the ultimate. He showed us like, hey, you gotta learn how to suffer, dude. And you know a good place to learn how to suffer? The gym, being part of a team, pushing yourself beyond your limits for the team, huge.

Robert Poirier (59:09)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, and pushing yourself.

pushing yourself more than what your mind thinks it can do.

Kyle Carnohan (59:33)
Yeah. Yep.

Robert Poirier (59:36)
You know, and I think even, I even think about that last rep that when you're struggling, it's okay to get help and maybe to get, and maybe to get there, you need help. You might need a little help.

Kyle Carnohan (59:43)
Yeah.

Yeah, you're talking about

the concept of failure. Where is most growth made? It's in failure. Yeah, this is why.

Robert Poirier (59:52)
It's in failure. Yeah. Yeah. It's just funny

because when I started out, you know, when I, when I started out with the boys working out, I never thought about the life lessons you learned from the gym until you start going back to it you see them and you're like, my gosh. You know, like every there can lie life and getting them prepared for life can so much relate to going to the gym.

Kyle Carnohan (1:00:18)
Yeah, I think that like one of the greatest things is like, I don't feel like doing this, but I'm gonna do it anyway. That's like, if you can teach your kids that, they're gonna be fine. They'll be fine. You could literally get hit by a bus today and if they learned that lesson, you can be like, you got it.

Robert Poirier (1:00:24)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's even, yeah, absolutely. It's even like, remember when one of them was wanting to, ⁓ and I try not to talk about them too much on here, but, ⁓ when I was wanting to bench 225 and I can't remember what he was at, like, and he had a certain time he wanted to do it in and it's like, okay. And he might've been.

Maybe he wasn't even at one 85. ⁓ but he was close. I'm like, okay, how are we going to do that? Like what, what is the plan to get there? It's going to take more than just getting down and doing four sets. Like what are the different ways? And I just thought too, and now I've seen him with other things he wants to do, use that same approach and kind of, okay, here's where I want to get. Here's how I back it down.

Kyle Carnohan (1:01:28)
Yeah.

Robert Poirier (1:01:28)
And the

different steps I'm going to have to take. And you know, it's not just chest. Okay. I'm going to have to work other muscle groups as well. I'm at to work on my triceps. I'm at to work on my shoulders. I'm like, I'm also, you wouldn't think about it, but I'm going to have to make sure I work back as well.

Kyle Carnohan (1:01:45)
Yeah, I don't want to get shoulder impingement. Yeah, man.

Robert Poirier (1:01:47)
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And, ⁓

so it's, yeah, I think that's why I love the gym is I think with kids, it is, ⁓ I think it's a great way for them to learn about life.

Kyle Carnohan (1:02:01)
Yeah, it is. You know, it's funny as time goes on, you know, I remember back years ago where I was like trying to build that habit, you know, and now ⁓ it's like breathing. There's no have, there's no dis, there's many places in my life where now we're like, no discipline is required. It just is. And, and this is what I'll tell people that struggle with discipline is like, dude, you have to

earning this shit but through failure and consistency and failure and consistency but most guys they like try to lose weight and then they don't they're like I failed again and then they just stop the difference between me and them is I just never stopped I just kept failing faster and faster and more and more and I just said fuck it this is the path it doesn't my results don't matter it's who do I show up as today I just gotta be a good man today

And then wherever that leads, I'm going to be proud of myself. And that's what I chased for a really long time. And eventually it's like eating right and going to the gym is like taking a shit. It's like, don't even have to try. It's like...

Robert Poirier (1:03:13)
Yeah, yeah.

Dude,

it's so therapeutic for me too. Like it is, it's so therapeutic for me. Like it's...

Kyle Carnohan (1:03:23)
which is where you're

at now, it's like, you can't not do it.

Robert Poirier (1:03:28)
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you miss it and it's just like your whole world is just, you know, it's just thrown upside down. Like you have you for me and I go at the end of the day or not end of the day, but end of work day. And it is, it's really kind of my release, you know, to let everything out, the stresses of the day, to get my mind, to get all that out and to, or maybe not to get it out.

Kyle Carnohan (1:03:30)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Robert Poirier (1:03:57)
but to clear it, if that makes sense.

Kyle Carnohan (1:03:58)
Yeah,

I can't imagine, you know, people say like, I'm really depressed, Kyle. And I'm like,

how much physical activity have you been getting? And they're like, I don't. And I'm like, well, I would want to kill myself if I took two weeks off the gym. So it's just like so funny how simple it is. They're like, yeah, I went to the doctor. He prescribed me meds. I'm like, I don't know, maybe try reading the Bible, feeling the love of God in your heart, going and getting out, you know, the energy in the gym. Like maybe try those first before you start pumping some water. ⁓

Robert Poirier (1:04:12)
Go to the gym and get in the sun.

try those first and see. I think

that could get a lot of people off pills, off medicine. Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Carnohan (1:04:34)
All of them!

I've worked with the most fucked up humans, on every medication. Guess what happens when they start waking up on time, reading the Bible, letting God heal them, and going to the gym. They all heal. I've never met one that doesn't, not one, and I've worked with all of them.

Robert Poirier (1:04:46)
having a purpose.

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Kyle Carnohan (1:04:56)
Well, unless I'm just finding the different kinds of humans than regular humans, then my thousands of guys has proven this to be true.

Robert Poirier (1:05:07)
No, and you're out in California, see, you've got some fucked up people out there. ⁓

Kyle Carnohan (1:05:11)
Yeah.

Well, the hard part is like, is, there's this argument that like, they're not going to do it. And there is some truth to that. There are some guys that are just not going to do it. They're just not. And they're just going to go through life miserable and depressed and then die, which honestly breaks my heart. You want to talk about something that if I held onto that would keep me awake. It's that.

Robert Poirier (1:05:37)
So,

you see that with a lot of guys just giving up? What do you do? Like what? Nothing. Really?

Kyle Carnohan (1:05:44)
Yes. Most. Nothing. They're fucked. If

they... Look, if they get into my world and they can't show up, just show up to a call and just like do some basic stuff, they are either going to die that way or they have to actually have the world completely and utterly obliterate them into the abyss of hell to wake them up. That's their only options. I have four rules in my group. Show up to the calls.

Make friends in the group, tell the truth, reach out if you're struggling. A guy that cannot do those four things and commit to those things, there's no hope for him.

Robert Poirier (1:06:17)
pretty easy.

Kyle Carnohan (1:06:22)
zero.

Robert Poirier (1:06:22)
How,

nah, makes sense. How big are these groups?

Kyle Carnohan (1:06:26)
I have, I do 30 to 40 guys every 30 days. And then I got a couple hundred in my main superhuman father's brotherhood. And then I've got, I've got three groups, small groups of 10 to 12 that I work with personally. And then I have about 27 couples that I work with. So those are the sizes of my groups.

Robert Poirier (1:06:49)
That's amazing. All right. ⁓ and so it's super human fathers. mean, I found you on Instagram. I'm going to put links up also. ⁓ so everybody can find you before we, before we get off, before we end this, what advice, if you're going to leave, if you want to leave something with fathers, what are your words of wisdom?

Kyle Carnohan (1:07:11)
I didn't say it man, he did. Love one another as I have loved you. That was the commandment. He said obey my commandments and he said what commandments? He said love one another as I have loved you. That's it. That's the name of the game. Doesn't matter how fat you are, how broke you are, how messed up your marriage is, or how hard the world is, love one another as I have loved you.

Robert Poirier (1:07:38)
And man, we are missing that so much right now. We are missing that so much. And you know, that's where I think with fatherhood, where being a father so important in society. And if the dads just took that role, the way I look at it, if they took that role and they showed that to others, then you've got your spouse showing that to others. You've got your kids showing that to others. I mean, it could spread.

Kyle Carnohan (1:07:42)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Robert Poirier (1:08:07)
But it's just so.

Kyle Carnohan (1:08:07)
I would say, I would say this, like dig into the words of Jesus. The best advice I can give to a father is dig into the words of Jesus and every day take those words and make them a part of you. Do whatever inner work, meditation, writing you have to do to figure out where you are not living that way. Take the words and embody the words in your life. Guess what will happen? Your marriage will heal.

You'll be an epic father. You'll do the work required in your business and going to the gym will be easy because the Spirit of God will get you out of bed and you'll stop resisting and seeking comfort.

Robert Poirier (1:08:48)
Kyle, you're amazing. I look, thank you so much for coming on. I've thoroughly enjoyed this. I feel like we could talk another hour. I mean, there's so many, so many different areas I want to go into with you and, but I'm trying to be respectful and you know, I, I hope you're opened in the future coming back on as well. And, ⁓ I mean, the first time we talked, I'm like, my gosh, like I can't wait to have this guy on. And I didn't want you to, you know,

Kyle Carnohan (1:09:07)
Of course.

Robert Poirier (1:09:16)
talk everything out when we first met and you were like, ⁓ dude, don't worry about it. can talk forever. That's why when I was prepping for this, usually I have like bullet points. Okay. I want to discuss this and this and this and this. If you, it's like, Hey, let's talk about fatherhood. You know, let's like, had like two things I wanted to go over with you and, and, ⁓ imagine we could find ways to explore others. So that's, I appreciate you. I definitely do.

Kyle Carnohan (1:09:40)
Yeah, thanks.

Robert Poirier (1:09:44)
Hey, and look, and for all those listening, will, I will certainly post links also, and I'll tag you and, ⁓ Kyle, again, thank you for coming on and thank you all for listening to the dad to dad's podcast. You can find us on Spotify as well as Apple and really most platforms. You can also find us on Instagram, YouTube. Don't forget to hit the like and subscribe button, as well as leave comments. read every comment. I love receiving them. and at the same time, I love getting show suggestions as well. Topics.

topic suggestions. look, thank you all again and we will talk to you next time.